That's what both my therapist and my coach told me...I am "In the Process"...I am doing ALL I can do right now to cope. It doesn't really get any better than this based on the circumstances. When things are good, I can rest in those moments...when I start to cycle downward, I am better able to recognize this and not let things overwhelm me. I just refocus and recommit to a better attitude...pull myself up by the bootstraps so to speak. I was wondering if there was something else I should be doing, but Aruni said NO...this is it...adapting as things feel bad...reveling when things feel good. Not a small victory by any stretch!!! I'm really damn proud of myself...not to brag...but heck, it sucks right now and I'm just trying to get through every day with confidence and presence. This is the first time in my life I've really internalized what this journey of life is really about. Granted this is something I've been working on for years, but since January with a real concerted effort, and I think I FINALLY REALLY get it! I've gotten through moments and journeys before but this is different...really different. I think the support I have right now is exactly what I need for this time in my life. A spiritual/life coach and a therapist poised to help me through the next phase of my self-exploration and healing.

I'm thrilled my weight has FINALLY stabilized. When I left Colorado on July 16th I was about 185 pounds. With all this craziness, I have lost over 20 pounds...22 to be exact...in a very short period of time. WHEW... Now I'm 5' 9" 163 pounds which is just about where I want to be. And with more mindful eating habits I have maintained this weight for about a week which is good. Now I want to exercise more to tone up things. This morning I really battled back the nausea and malaise that hits me each morning. That felt like a victory too! I had a banana and a bagel and tea for breakfast and a hotdog and soda for lunch. OK...not an extraordinarily healthy lunch but I've always loved hot dogs so what the heck. :dribble: Dinner will either be pasta or pizza...since we had pizza on Tuesday maybe pasta would be better. Maybe I can find some pesto somewhere as the kids love it and I miss eating it.

The last 3 years have been amazing. The love I have felt...the connection we have shared has been such a gift! Finally finding your soulmate is beyond description...especially since I had given up hope and belief that such a thing could even happen. She has told me the same...we believe we were both waiting for each other...for the moment when we could be together. This is our time now but right now we are apart. That's OK because the love is strong...the love will sustain us. I do believe that...it feels real and true to me...not just a delusion or a fantasy. She will call in time and things will continue to grow...slowly, but they will grow and reconnect and be richer and healthier and more meaningful.

Asha said sometimes there are things to learn in these moments of crisis. YUP...and it isn't just dealing with my own discomfort with this uncertainty, but its also very much about finding me and my strength again...bringing me back to an overall place of health, emotionally speaking, and SUSTAINING this as time goes on in my life, not just when crises become so overwhelming it nearly destroys me. I have to build something good and meaningful here and now for me. I am on the right path...I am "In The Process".

Life and living isn't a destination, but a process...