Someday I will learn. It seems, according to the speech therapist, that Bill is scheduled to stay until next Wednesday - wait, that may be tomorrow according to the nurse - wait, that may be Monday according to the Social Worker.

I'm glad I planned on today so I got EVERYTHING done in the house, groceries bought, the cat's litter changed and the clothes washed.

I'm angry that I told Bill he would be coming home today because he had been looking forward to it. I had to explain that everything is out of our hands right now because the doctor has to write discharge orders for him since he doesn't have any of his four new meds, and they seem to really be helping him.

We went out to dinner and I stopped by the apartment to get him some clothes. Interesting, I asked him if he'd like to come in for a few minutes before we went back and he declined. Very interesting - I'm wondering if he doesn't have a certain sense of security at the SNF and doesn't really know how to identify it. I know when I told him about coming home he said, "you mean they want to get rid of me?" He loves for me to come "visit" and he enjoys going out together, but he's always ready to go back. He feels secure because I call him when I get home and then I call him in the morning. I think he has fallen into a routine.

We did have another first this evening. He said "this room smells like s***." I told him I wondered if he might need to wash up a bit...He said he'd not been able to find clean underwear (it was on the right side of the drawer). So I asked him if he'd like to wash and he wanted to.....what a mess. I washed him all up and we changed clothes. He obviously knew there was a problem, but he was unable to reason out the way to correct it. He doesn't seem to understand that he can use the sink in his bathroom to wash either. I wonder how much assistance is being given - I know it's difficult with a young resident. I say young because I've not seen anyone else close to his age there. It's the ADL thing I've been telling them about - that Bill depends upon me 100% for these things.

And now he's telling me he's having hearing difficulties, and his vision is very limited in size, basically he describes it as a small box right in front of his face...and at dinner he told me maybe I should trade him in. It's very complicated - and a real roller coaster of emotions for me.

I'm sure part of all this is that I've had to really prepare myself again for the 24/7 caregiving, and just when I'm "ready" something happens to change the plan.

Life goes on.