You're in my thoughts constantly. I miss how we talked on Yahoo all the time. My cell phone is a painful reminder that you're not there. And now, since I used my cell, I can't even read our past conversations. I know you've got them on your computer but have no one to get them for me. I miss calling you every night before I went to sleep. Our world has changed forever. How I wish we could turn back time. I thought it was so sweet how when you woke up in the middle of the night and told me you loved me while you were half asleep. I'll never forget that. I'm so very thankful of our week in July. I wish I'd have just stayed there with you.

I want you to want to live again, not just exist. How can I make sure you know how important that is? The reason I'm hurting so much right now is you've shown me what true love really was, after all these years when I thought I knew. That makes it all the more painful to have part of you taken from me. I want to scream at the powers that be, "How could you do this to us?!" I can understand how discouraged and sad you must feel. My spirit and heart are broken.

I know I told you I'd come and see you near Christmas but I think I'll wait until after the holidays so I'll have a better chance of having more time with you. Everyone's vacations should be over with by then. I want to stay at least two weeks. Right now, it seems like a lifetime until January. My tears are falling just thinking about the wait. Every tear that falls just means I love you that much more.