I wrote Brian sort of a goodbye letter today. I was sort of acknowleging what is happening. I'm still going to be calling him and hopefully will get to see him in January if things get better. But honestly, I'm not expecting that. I really feel he want to be with his son because he is going to die. This is tearing me up. I cry (not just cry, but sob) at the slightest thought of him and what's to be lost forever. I told him that I would always love him. That he had changed my life forever and I would never trade the time we were given. I told him that I wondered why fate had allowed us to meet and then this happen so soon. A friend mentioned that maybe it was my purpose to show him what had been missing from his life. He had done the same for me. I told him I would be forever greatful. He told me he had never felt this way before, that he could totally be himself without wondering what I would think. We instantly clicked, from the first time we talked. I had previously had two unhappy marriages. My heart was cold and black for about ten years. Then he opened it. Right now, I wish he hadn't because of the intense pain. I feel I could die from a broken heart, myself. My heart and soul are being ripped apart and there's not one thing that I can do about it. I just hope he still wants to see me when he does get transferred. It's supposed to be within the next 30 days. Part of me wants him to pass on before he even gets moved because I don't want him to suffer. His mind is still sharp but his body won't allow him to live as he would like to. I just hope he's happy with his decison. What if he doesn't go soon like he thinks? I'm just so tired of dealing with all this. It's destroying me.