This morning I have an internal struggle going on, it is a struggle between yes and no, aren't they always about yes and no? I am trying to merge my personal beliefs with how I feel regarding Terry Schaivo. I'm not having very much sucess with it. First of all I have said to let her die. But that goes against every bloody thing I've said to survivors and cg on this site. I've said time and time again to never give up hope. I've said No one knows what will come back. I meant those words too every time I wrote them. Because no one ever knows. I guess my opinions change with the situation then. Then enter my emotions and all rational thought is out the window. I have put myself in her place and I wouldn't want to be there. It goes against everything I've always said. I love life and I appreciate the chance to have a second chance. But I have a second chance at doing something that can be considered productive, I can make choices for myself that I will find gratifying, enlightening and happy. I am in control of my future in a weird kind of way. I can banish this husband from my life and find another. Because I shutter to think if that had been me, and the spouse I have now is the one making the decisions regarding my life. Then yes, I would want to die. To me life is meant to be lived, with the key words of productive and quality added in there too. I just knew from the beginning of my recovery once I got instructions in how to use a wheelchair, I knew anything was possable.I was excited over the endless possibilities that just opened before me.

I'm having problems coming to terms with who can judge when the time is right for someone else to die? Not me,I'll only take responsibility for my own life. This is such a jumble right now and I haven't gotten it all tracked out and come to terms with it yet.

Pam