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growing up



Well I finished school on May 30th. I graduated on June 7th. Everyone was so happy for me . I was very happy atfirst but after hearing everyone say this is the beginning and not the end I am kind of scared. Atfirst I was so happy I am about to be 18. I've been waiting so long to finally be all grown up. Then it hit me...I started to cry. I still feel like Im 12 years old. I should be out driving around, working daily, club hopping nightly. But Im still laying in bed at my laptop and the only people I communicate with who are not online is my cousin I've known all my life and my friend I've known since my stroke. It feels like nothing has changed. I just finished 4 years of high school. Instad of looking back and reminiscing about going out with friends, hanging out at football games, and signing yearbooks, I can only remember sitting in the bathrooms at lunch, suicide attempts, those many days I waited for the slow elevators facing the metal doors so no one could see my face. It hurts. I should be celebrating this milestone not dwelling on it. I am now given a second chance...college. I wonder will college be a repeat of high school or the complete opposite? How will I celebrate my birthday on Thursday...Going out having fun and looking to my future or sitting at home depressed wondering why I still cant see on my left side open my hand or wear sandals and skirts in the summertime? I choose the latter.


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College is going to be what you make it. Looking back, would I have done some things differently? Perhaps, perhaps not.


For instance, if the school you are going to have football, don't sit home because you have no one to go with, Go and enjoy the game and cheer on your team, Someone has to be sitting inthe seat next to you and that person could become a special friemd.


Same with clubs and organizations. Take part. Do not have a oh woe is me attitude but join in with the others.


Really, the grass isn't always greener on the other side; we just think it is. You may find out that the club hopping, the dating excessively, the running around are not as we think. What good would it be to date some insensitive guy? Who wants to go to parties where everyone gets high and who knows what? Some nights, sitting with your computer may be the better choice.


Remember, it is your attitude that is going to make you feel happy. Ignore the "not so good". I think I need to send you the words to a french song, can't send the site as an attachment through here. Because I now write likechicken scratch, it will take time for me to copy the words down - but I will as soon as I get a chance.



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hey Katrina:


I 100% agree with phyllis, it is hard to learn this but it's fact happiness comes from within us, no outside forces can make you happy or sad, it's our attitude that defines each experience as bad or good. I used to sulk before that my hubby does not bring flowers on sspecial days, after my stroke I realized that it's not important at all, what is important that he is still by my side when I need him the most, point is now I go & buy flowers for myself cause that's what makes me happy. so if going to places like games ?& stuff makes u happy do it yourself rather than waiting for it to happen. life happens when you are doing something else.




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You are to commended on your graduation. You are to be commended on the fact that you're going to tackle college. Before Rachel had her stroke, she was just starting college. All that is on hold for now. I pray she can move on one day just like you're doing. Life is a struggle no matter who you are. It's even more difficult with a disability, but it will make you so much stronger Katrina. May God be with you and guide you every step of the way. :hug:

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I'm so sorry your life has taken this course. I know it must be terribly hard to try and have a good outlook on things. But just look at how much you've accomplished. Life, to a certain extent, is what you make of it. I say approach college with a fresh outlook. Don't go there with an idea in your head of what it will be like. Just take one day at a time. That's all any of us can do.

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good for you, going to college, my senior class motto was this is the first day of the rest of yourlife. as you know from being here not all disabilities show, so that person you pass by with there head turned may feel just like you, maybe not the same problems but still inside just as sad and depressed, don't hold back from making friends, and to have a good friend be a good friend. will keep you in my prayers, and this old fogey wants to hear all about college life. :cheer: :hug: :dribble:

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Let me assure you... I didn't like high school. It was a very overrated experience. I know I teach in one, but people make entirely too much of HS graduation. There is a much bigger life out there than high school. College is a first step in that direction. I really did blossom in college. I don't know what changed really except that it was a new place where no one knew me and I got to be the me I always wanted to be. I LOVED college! I loved it so much that when all my friends left I stayed an extra year. I missed high school for that first summer, but my first steps on the ASU campus gave me this feeling I had never experienced, it was amazing. I was finally free of all the baggage of high school!


PM me if you ever want to talk!



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:happybday: Katrina,


When ALL is said and done, just remember ONE thing, everything happens for a reason. When one door closes another one opens. Proof is you are a survivor, young and have time to make a come back.


You mentioned going out club hoping, what if you got shot your first night and club? You'll always have somebody to converse with, even all of us here. You are not alone and you are loved by all of us. Keep your head and thoughts up. Look at how you smiled when you saw and read the birthday wishes we sent to you today.


I haven't read all your post so I'm lost on your family members there with you and you mentioned your dad but I feel things will work out. It's all a part of growing up.

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