The *wonderful* Pilates instructor that I found here in town has had a family crisis (her mother has lukemia & the chemo has shut down some organ function) and she can no longer work with me. I will truly miss her. She learned how to work with me (no small task there) and really challenged me. The improvement I saw was small but it was improvement!!

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Bob flew in on Saturday and stayed until Tuesday morning. Although I took Monday off of work, the weather didn't cooperate for his nice long visit. Too cold and some snow on Sunday! We got a chance to have some really long talks. We seem to communicate well when we live in separate states ;-). It was nice to connect but we discovered something that is...upsetting. By talking it through, we found out that I have not forgiven Bob nor myself for me having the stroke. I don't forgive Bob for not listening to me when I said that I didn't feel well the morning of, he wasn't around when I had the TIA at the race, he didn't believe me when I was puking in a grocery bag. I don't forgive myself for all of the previous AND for not paying attention to the TIAs and for my body betraying me in such a way when I was so healthy.

We talked about what it means and how to forgive and we both decided to allow time for forgiveness. It isn't as though I don't want to forgive us, I guess it just isn't time yet.

That really is a tougher thing to discover than it sounds. As I read it over just now, it sounds very simplistic and harsh. This was a discovery that we found calmly and we discussed thoroughly. We love each other immensely, we just need to figure out how to get beyond this.

Thankfully, Bob said that he has enough love for both of us - he has enough love for him to love me and for me to love me. Perfect because I need it!