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I just got beat up, jumped on, kicked and left for dead.

RLT

Entry posted by RLT

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I just got beat up, jumped on, kicked and left for dead. At least that is what it feels like. A well meaning friend called this morning because she had heard my husband was in the ER yesterday. Though I have known her a very short time, I have appreciated some of the support she has shown. In fact last week she ran to the store for me when my husband was too sick for me to leave him. However, this morning she was like a steam roller. She told me what to do as far as doctors and when I tried to explain that that does not work she would continue on telling me what to do and that I was doing everything wrong.

 

I learned very early in the game that the medical community often shows a lack of understanding of stroke. Within a week of the stroke I had taken over learning about stroke and what did and did not work. I listened to a lot of bad information coming from the mouths of doctors. This is even more pronounced with vascular dementia. The only reason that he has been diagnosed with this condition is because experienced people on this board recognized the symptoms and the doctors agreed when it was presented to them. I know that there are specialists dealing with geriatrics and stokes but I have not found them.

 

My husband has been deteriorating mentally and physically since the end of February. The speed of deterioration seems to be escalating. I took him to the VA yesterday where they sent him through ER instead of to his primary care physician. They would only focus on one of his symptoms which is extreme diarrhea. I guess I can understand this in a twisted way because they probably understand diarrhea better than stroke or vascular dementia. They could not find the cause for even this though.

I can ask questions and make suggestions until I am blue in the face but if they do not understand the primary condition there is a limit to what help I will get from these medical professionals.

 

So, to have done my best and get called down on it and told I am doing everything wrong, while my poor husband is groaning and moaning in the background just caught me off guard. I feel like a trembling wad of tears. I am angry and hurt. I don

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srademacher

I can't give you any great words of wisdom but only remind you that sometimes people mean well, but unless they've walked in your shoes, they just don't "get it." ((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

 

Sarah

 

 

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dstraugh

I second Sarah's comment that people mean well but do not understand unless they've wa;led in our shoes. As each stroke is different....you know the rest. I get the some of same comments being a survivor who has not lost cognitive abilities. Sadly, there are days when I wish I did so I could be left alone.

 

If your friend feels she know it all, provide her with the link for the site and let her read for herself.

 

Chin up and (((hugs)))

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HostAsha

RLT:

 

don't let your ignorant friend's comment rattles you a bit, if she knows the best maybe she can come with you to hospital to sort everything out. unless she agrees to do that, you know the best and she is ignorant person about this disease. you are advocate for your husband and do the best you can, and leave rest on God's will.

 

hugs and prayer for you.

 

Asha

 

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RLT

Thank you for your words of support. I know that my friend must have intended to be helpful so I did not want to take my hurt feelings out on her. It was just so nice to be able to share with those who DO understand.

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ksaul

RLT,

wow, i would be feeling black and blue too. i can only speak for myself, but i would stay out of that "friends" way. saying you are doing things wrong when in the middle of a crisis is not being a friend or trying to help! i hope you will keep using this site for support and share with a member of a stroke group locally, a spiritual advisor or another friend. please do not submit to this abuse - tell her to stop - that she is not helping.

i hope that your husband is doing better and i am sending you a hug! :friends: kathy

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swilkinson

Yep, your friend dumping on you like that is like throwing you a reel of cotton into the water in a drowning accident but I think there are some good points in the replies.

 

I occassionally provide friends with a link to this site so they can look at stroke in all it's diversity. That gives them a broader view than the pamphlets they read in the doctors surgery or the occassional coverage in the media. Stroke is a whole-of-life exprerience for the survivor and the caregiver and friends need to know we are doing our best to handle it.

 

Yep, take her along on doctor's visits trips to VA etc. She may then see what is happening first hand and maybe get mad on your behalf rather than mad at you.

 

A person may be a true friend and still get it wrong. I try to take criticism on the chin, doesn't always work but at least I know they took the time to tell me rather than leaving me to face it all alone.

 

(((Hugs))) from Sue.

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