Bonnie Lynn's Blog

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My 46th Birthday present



My husband, Kelley, had his third stroke two day's after my 46th birthday. He had promised to take me out to dinner that night after I had finished a clowning side job. We didn't even know he had the first two. I had noticed some personality changes in him but thought he was going through a mid life crisis. He was 58 at the time.


It may sound strange but I am almost glad that he had that stroke when he did. If he hadn't, I probably would have left him because he was acting so strange. I came to the decision that everything that had happened between us for the last two years before the stroke on 5/29/04 was ancient history. We were able to start a new life on different terms. It's kind of hard sometimes because things are so different now but when I think about how things could have turned out if he did not have the stroke I get very scared. Now that I know he's sick and not a big male jerk everything seems easier!


I never did get my birthday dinner out but that's OK. Having dinner in is pretty nice too!


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I really want to ask about the clowning side job. But I'm much too polite to come right out with it. Is part time clown different than full time clown?

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Now that I know how to do this, I want to let everyone know that a part time clown is someone who has a lot of fun clowning and doesn't care about the money. A full time clown is someone who can make a living at it!


It just occurred to me that I never cloned for Kelley the whole three weeks that he was in the hospital. Even though I am a certified hospital clown and have 5 years of experience making people who are in the hospital forget why they are there, I never bothered to do it for my husband. I wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that I was not surprised that he had the stroke. He was a 58 year old diabetic who didn't bother to take care of himself. I knew in my heart that he would have a stroke, I just didn't know when. I guess I really figured I'd be out of the marriage before he stroked. Silly me.


The really strange thing is that we have a different relationship. We laugh a lot more now than we have in several years. I don't know if it will be a real "marriage" but I do love him and will do all I can to care for him now that he is ill. Having this outlet has been a real lifesaver for me. Thank you all for listening!


Bonnie Lynn

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