Bonnie Lynn's Blog

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Can there be intimacy after a stroke?





I guess I need to come out and ask it. Can there be intimacy in a marriage after a stroke? We didn't know that Kelley had his first two strokes until he had his third. I just thought the problems we were having were do to the issues we were having with his two adult children, that we both had a lot of stress in our jobs and then he decided to retire which left me trying to pay all our bills on my salary. I also thought he was going through a mid-life crisis! I had even gone to see a lawyer to find out what I needed to do to divorce him. I was adjusting my finances, got a safe deposit box and a PO box, changed my mailing address, took a second job and was very close to starting the divorce process when Kelley had his stroke. The three weeks he was in the hospital were really very nice for me being at home alone.


Then one day before he did come home from the hospital, it occurred to me that we had just wasted the last two years not knowing that he had had two strokes. We agreed to start fresh when he came home from the hospital. The kids didn't bother us once they found out we weren't going to give them any more $$$$. Didn't even bother to visit him in the hospital or at home which was a very good thing in my eyes but it did hurt him. (I am the evil Step-Mother!)


Kelley came home from the doctor with a prescription for Viagra last week. It's been well over a year and I'm not really sure how I feel about that. Part of me is afraid of what might happen if he takes it and part of me doesn't think of him in that way anymore. I'll be 47 on my next birthday and Kelley will be 60 in July. I love him with all my heart but I don't know if I really want to go there again. And I'm too young to give up that part of life. I'm so confused I really don't know what to do!


So I'm tossing the question out to all of you. I hope this isn't an "off limits" topic. I'm not sure where else to go from here. I don't have any friends who are in the same boat that I am in to ask.


Is there, can there, be intimacy after one of the partners has a stroke?


Bonnie Lynn


Recommended Comments

Yes there can be.


Since it's been so long and you have reservations about being intimate with him, I would suggest take it as if it was your first time with him (in a sense it will be).


Maybe it would be better to work up to sex rather than take the pill at jump in with both feet. Start with kissing and "making out". From there progress to touching each other in an intimate way. Maybe see if your local library has a book on erotic messages.


Basically take time to get reaquanted with each other's bodies. There are so many levels of intamancy that sexual intercourse should be the icing on the cake not the whole affair.



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