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A struggle in every aspect of my new life (part 1)




When I came out of the hospital I went to live with my parents. I never again saw the place where I was living prestroke . When I was still in the hospital, my parents emptied the place and the kids were now living with their father. I was 30 years old, with small children and the only thing I was thinking about was getting my life back. I wanted to reclaim the kids (I had full custody prestroke) and move out of my parents place. I wanted "a normal life" again.


It was now winter, I wanted to try skiing again. I went to the basement where most of my things were stored, I found my ski boots and I trid to put them on but was having a hard time when my Dad came down to see what I was up to. Previously, I had talked to my parents about going back on the slopes and they would almost laugh at me or make some negative comments and close the subject like I was a child who wanted to do some grown up thing, I was dismissed. That day when dad came down and saw me trying on my ski boots , I asked him to help me. He told me if I coudn't put my own boots on, I could not ski. And that was that. Being bullheaded like I was, I let it pass but if he thought he had ended that line of thought, he had another thing coming. I had heard of a group that had been formed at one of the ski resorts in the area and I called. The very next weekend, I was to show up to try my special skis and whatever else I needed. I asked my Dad to drive me and he did reluctantly, The army had volunteers there to help us, the handicapped skiers, to dress, including boots . Once everybody was ready, out to the slopes we went with our volunteers. In my case, I had 2 volunteers. They held a bamboo pole between them and I held on in the middle. The volunteers didn't have skis on so that we could start very slowly. After a few weekends of this the volunteer needed their skis because now I had them running on each side of me. My kids who were 3 and 6 were on a hill not too far from us and came to watch me a few times. They were so proud of their mother, especially the first time post stroke I went down the hill by myself. I enjoyed it very much but I got tired fast, and my left side froze up fast now because of the lack of circulation.


I did this for 2 seasons, I had put on much weight and I needed a new outfit. Everything was so expensive and I had a hard time finding something in my size (between sizes)

I was finding my schedule hard. I had specific days to go so that I had volunteers on hand and it was not necessarily always good skiing weather. I couldn't just get up one morning and decide I wanted to ski that day because the weather was nice for it. So because of this and the fact that I wasn't dressed properly to ski, I didn't go back.


I was very proud of myself because I had done it regardless of my parents' negative attitudes. My parents were overprotective that is why they were so negative. I don't remember how many times I reminded them that I wasn't a baby I was 30 years old but they kept on treating me like a child and I had had enough. Not too long after, maybe a month or so, I decided to move out. My mother took my decision very hard and kept reminding me of everything she did for me and that I couldn't do these things by myself


I was going to show them. It seemed that every time they told me I couldn't do something all the more bullheaded I became and always achieved what I wanted to do. This was the main reason I wanted to get my own place so I could make my own decisions like the adult I was and not the little girl they thought I was.



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