HEY YA'LL!!!!!!!
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since janice (jstern) decided to poke fun at my talkin southern, i decided to let ya'll yankees in on some of our "southern stuff" so's you'd get to know me a little betta. 
we do weird stuff to our food and eat weird things. like, we sweeten our tea( not me but everybody else) and then put a sour lemon in it. we put hot sauce on EVERYTHING. we can't have greens ( turnips) without hamhock in it and cornbread with a raw onion. we eat banana sandwiches with peanut butter on it. we like everything fried. we eat fried green tomatos, okra, chitterlings ( chitlins), grits, fried catfish and hushpuppies. we have LOTS of barbecues and fish frys. when we have a funeral, it looks like a buffet at a family reunion. there's enough food at a southern funeral to feed a russian army. 
we SAY weird stuff. like, "he don't know *beep* from shinola". or, "he's such a tight wad you could shove a nickel up his ass and he's try to shake out a dime". or, "bless your pea pickin heart", and "poor thang" and call lunch dinner, and dinner supper, and "i'm up *beep* creek without a paddle", or, "she's a toy shy of a happy meal", or "the good lord willin and the creek don't rise, i'll be there". and "she's teched in the head", or "she's so fat that if she had to haul ass it'd take two trips". or "you know you are a redneck if your porch falls in and more than three yellow dogs die". stuff like that. 
we also THINK that certain things are normal down here. like stacking two single wide trailers on top of each other and calling it a "two story". and using duct tape for EVERYTHING even taping up broken out car windows. or that rebel flags and deer heads make for nice wall decorations. and that every man should have a pick up truck with a gun rack, tool box, and at LEAST one dog crate in the back. or that it aint ladylike to walk and smoke at the same time. southern women who smoke are ALWAYS sitting down, if they walk and smoke at the same time it's a sign that they are "loose". 
we have weird LAWS too. casinos are illegal, but we have a dog track with slot machines in it that have an electronic bingo card on their face. they call it "bingo winnings", even though in every other respect they are just like vegas. oral sex is illegal down here. there was a big case about it in georgia a few years back where a woman had her husband prosecuted for it and won. it's a law actually on the books. in FACT the only "legal" sex is between a man and a woman of the same race in the missionary position. and interracial marriages are illegal. 
many of us southern women still have "big hair" and would NEVER paint our fingernails a different shade than our toenails. most of us wouldn't leave the house without lipstick on either. or clean matching underwear in case of an accident. mine were clean and matching when i had the stroke. i would have DIED if the hospital staff would have caught me in underwear that didn't match. 
so, there you have it. that about sums it up. life as a southerner. it aint so bad i don't reckon!!!! 
( that cocktail is a mint julip, that's all we drink while we are "swangin" on our front porches)
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