hostpam's Blog

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I'm 41 years old and my mother still hasn't gotten over the fact that I am different then her. I always have been, always will be. My mother was brought up to depend on the man, always wear red lipstick when you leave the house, lean on the "man of the house" to make all the decisions, let the man wear the pants type of thing.

Well I missed a class somewhere along the way in how to lean on a man. Sorry, I don't need them to do my thinking for me, I can handle the bills, I have my own checking account. In fact, I had my own place when I met my present spouse. My mother never lived alone! My mother has never been in charge of the household bills. My father always knows where she is or where she is going to be. She has never made a purchase of anything for the house without my fathers approval. Shge has never traveled on a plane anywhere alone.

Yes, I am independent, always have been. Do I feel superior to her in anyway? Hell yes! I have never really gotten along with my mother, I don't really like her. I don't like that she is jealous and envious of everything I've ever done or accomplished. I keep telling her I was switched at birth, there isn't anyway I'm her daughter. What brought this blog on you may wonder? It is the barn. She is thinking up every reason why I shouldn't do the barn. Then she gets fed up, tells me I'm too stubborn and starts with her dire warnings. She is always projecting her negativity on me. I don't look at the glass as half empty, to me it is always half full. She thinks just because I've had a stroke, I shouldn't stand up and declare I've had enough and go for a divorce. I ask "Why shouldn't I?" Where is it written that I must stand by my man? Man, ha! more like a boy. I never liked that song, I'm more of a Boots were made for walkin type gal. In all her years she just doesn't get it, you don't need a man around in order to live. She keeps up with the Jones, I don't. She asks how will you get by? I will, I get disability and will be careful with my money. They don't have any so she can't be afraid I'll hit her up for any. She feels at my age, the restless nature I've always had should be settled by now. She wants me to be intimindated by life, overwhelmed like she is. I never have and I don't plan on starting now. Change is growth and both those things are good and healthy. Oh yeah, I don't wear lipstick when I leave the house, and I quite happily wear pants, in fact I don't even wear makeup. I'm a product of my generation, not hers. I don't even wear a bra all the time, nor do I get dressed everyday. Those two things shock my mother. I tell her she should try it once in awhile, have alittle freedom. Gee she's retired and still acting like the social police will come carry her off if she doesn't conform. But "What do your neighbors think??????" Big intake of breath...."You don't get dressed everyday!" I answer nonchalantly...."Who cares what the neighbors think? Their opinion means nothing to me, I don't even like them" Guess I'm still the rebel without a cause. Well I guess it is good my older brother is more her style, she didn't have two kids that perplexed her. I feel better after bitching about my mother, got it out of my system. We'll never see eye to eye ever on anything.


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I was stuck by this entry in your blog. My mother died eight years ago and there are times when I wish I could still talk to her. Actually it was not possible to have a conversation with her 15 years ago because she had Alzheimer's.


I also had an estranged relationship with my Mom. I handled it by never living less that 300 miles from her after I graduated from high school until 3 years before her death. By that time the discussion was definitely one sided.


All I can say is that you are right that you must make your own decisions. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do.




P.S. Remember these times when you daughter becomes an adult.

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