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Its cold raining day. no walk.




I dont need to get sick so. What to do. Arm exercises first, that leaves me wiped out. Ill do eye exercises my eyes want to see dbl close up, weak lft eye I sure. Im sure eveyone here nows how hard it is. I long for the look admiration and desire from my wife, I love her so but pushed her away because Im a idiot. The good thing is now I know . I have alot of physical work, and cogitive work to do but maybe today I work on spiritual. Ever notice blowing your nose is hard to do post stroke? You just cant clear your nose, its a pain when you have a cold, a clogged nose all day. That just makes for a bad day. I can dwell on the day to day tasks in life that are toublesome, get depressed then aggitated whats.... next Im an idiot. The pain does not help the situation. Its quiet here I feel calm, I hate when I get the "feeling" It starts with noticing my heart beat, next I feel like kid in school who had to do a oral report on a book he did not read. Ok the feeling I got in school. The sence of trouble? doom? It just starts with no thought involved out of the blue. I notice that then Im on edge. And..... prone to be an idiot. I must learn to be quiet and start thinking of my happy place. I used to ask my wife her goals in life she said to be happy, I did not know how smart she was. Id settle for relaxed. My life is good great for post stroke. My problem is IN me. My mind.? Maybe my spirit.? Both ? Is it affects of the stroke? the meds? Somethings are not in my power, but being a better person is.

Where do I start? The first thing pray. Pray for patience guidance wisdom and strength. Then search my soul. Maybe this rainy day Ill pray and read the Bible. All the answers are there. This rainy day Ill seek Gods help and direction. My goal for today, learn to a person I can be proud of. That will take all day, a week, a lifetme? Have good day. A good rainy day.



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