(Originally posted April 6, 2009)

bring May Flowers. Or something. At least, that's what my friend Palak told me today. I told her that was just too cheesy and that I'd have to use it as the title of my blog entry today. And so, here it is.

Not much news to report today, unfortunately. That's the bad thing about all of this. It's just unrelenting, bone-numbing, spirit-crushing slow pace of recovery that eventually takes a toll. I'm asked at least ten times a day how J.J. is. The answer you'll receive depends on how much detail I want to go into, but really, how should I answer this question? Things are better than they were, but not as good as they used to be. I know we're lucky, I know we're blessed, etc. But I'm tired, okay? I'm tired, he's tired. So that's the real answer. It's hard to know what to believe when you have one set of professionals saying that J.J. will be back at work within the next month or so (the rehab crowd) but you have paperwork from another doctor (Dr. Acula) stating that J.J. may never work again.

I'm also constantly examining everything J.J. does for indications that his cognitive abilities are still fully intact. This morning, I got to day care and realized that Leah was only wearing a hooded sweatshirt jacket instead of a real coat, because J.J. already had her in the car when I got ready to leave. Now, J.J. is a man and isn't always terribly observant on matters like this, so is that all there is to it? Or is it a sign that his problem solving skills may not be where they used to be? Add to it the fact that each time J.J. slurs a word slightly or limps a little, I make him smile to be sure that both sides are even and I check his pupils to make sure they're equal and that he's not having another stroke. It's a great way to live. I feel like there's an ax over our heads all the time.

I know I've been posting some grim stuff lately, but honestly, I think I'm only just starting to fully process everything that's happened. So hang in there--there will be more positivity and light soon.

To add a little good news, I did buy Leah's Easter dress this evening. I tried it on her a little while ago and she looks stunning. And it's a 6! She's so incredibly tall. Eli's got a new button down shirt with cool rolled-up cuffs. Add his Dockers and he looks rocker-chic. He has an image to maintain, you know.

Tomorrow is drum lesson and 4-H day, so don't expect an update until late. But remember to start praying--in about 40 hours, J.J. should be back to driving!