• entries
    62
  • comments
    219
  • views
    28,101

Decision Made


RLT

832 views

The decision is made. Now comes all the second guessing and self-doubt and the.....

 

I decided that the time has come for my husband to be moved to a nursing home. This is one of the hardest things that I have had to do since his stroke Jan 2, 2005. I have fought hard to keep him home and give him the best life I could. However, his vascular dementia is progressing and people are getting hurt. I guess I have pushed myself to add this to a blog just in case someone else reaches this point as well.

 

It sure is not the "easy way out". The decision was hard and painful. But surprisingly now that it has been made it is easier to live with than I expected. Without much support I must trust the opinions and observations of my family and the health care group. That gives me courage.

 

Our first choice for nursing home fell through. Now the VA is helping us check out other places nearby. The Medicare website has a rating of care facilities which you can search. Those ratings are a big help in knowing which places to pursue. This is a time to take all the help I can.

 

I dread the day I must tell him. He will not understand I am sure. And I wonder how many times I will have to break the news to him because he can forget in just a few minutes.

 

No time to feel sorry for myself though. Just when I felt I could not take more my father ended up in the hospital facing surgery. A determination to care for him shows me that there is more strength left in me.

 

But just in case I'm trying to think of a treat for myself and the last of my girls at home. Something we have not been able to do because of needing to be home taking care of my husband. Something to look forward to. Something to remind us that life goes on.

 

4 Comments


Recommended Comments

Yes Ruth, life does go on.

 

It was hard for me to read this blog as I know I will be where you are in making the decision one day. I pray not for a while.

 

Here I am coping as long as I have the respite and the help I get now but I'll know when the time comes and I can't cope any more, I did with Mum. Hopefully, like you, I'll be strong enough to live with that decision.

 

(((Hugs))) from Sue.

Link to comment

Ruth:

 

I think you made right decision, I have seen taking care of person with dementia is not easy feat. you need to do what is right for you and your family. Moving him to nursing home does not mean you will be not his caregiver. It is just that heavy duty caregiving will be done by skilled nurses who has been doing that job for years. you will be still overseeing lot of other things, but now atleast you got time to do something for you and your daughters. life goes on. albeit little differently than before.

 

Asha

 

Link to comment

Ruth I read more blogs than I write. I must say this is interesting to me in many ways cause I fear the day I would have to go into a home or facility. I know from heart felt feelings how you must be dealing with the decision as well. It all comes down to you did what you felt best for him and for you. Now if people don't "understand your decision in your case", well, they don't have to.

 

I do have one question...With the VA helping you now, did they ever suggest you use a VA facility? I dread using them here near me after seeing what the facility looks like and the soldiers housed there. Remember, we all do what we have to do, not necessarily what we want to do. You made the choice based on your situation.

 

Life does go on, the one thing I'm glad I got a second chance at is living. It's situations like yours, Sue's, Jean's and others I've known here since I joined 5 years ago that my heart goes all out to the care giving experiences you all have in taking care of your loved ones as best you can. I hope I made sense in this comment! God Bless you! Fred

 

There are many others here with just as much experience and knowledge in caring for loved ones. I don't know, but I hope in my case, I can remain at home when my condition get worse. I have it in writing to go at home when that time comes. We all have to go one day!

 

I commend you Ruth and don't look back, you did what you felt is the best thing at this time for your loved one. I'm glad you decided to add this blog. It's food for thought for me and others that may have to make decisions about life that goes on, thank you!

Link to comment
I do have one question...With the VA helping you now, did they ever suggest you use a VA facility? I dread using them here near me after seeing what the facility looks like and the soldiers housed there. Remember, we all do what we have to do, not necessarily what we want to do. You made the choice based on your situation.

 

Thanks for your encouragin words. In answer to your question though:

The VA hospital here used to have a frightening reputation but it has improved remarkably and is probably the best hospital in the area. The VA nursing home is where my husband has gone for respite but only those vets with combat related injury can go into the VA homes long-term. It would be my number one choice if it were an option though. The VA has many wonderful benefits for all Vets but sometimes you have to hunt for them. It sounds like not all VA facilities are created equal.

Ruth

Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.