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Hubby and i had a huge argement tonight. I think and wish I could just pack up and move back to texas. Just a bit about what happened--since i had my strokes, when i have to urinate, i have to urinate!!!! I have cats, which my husband does not like. The cats sometimes for whatever reason like to drink from the toilet. husband has started putting the lid down and shutting the door to the bathroom. If he was just doing one of those things it would not be so bad, but he is shutting the door and putting down the lid. I did not make it to the bathroom on time two times today because of this. I told him this and it turned out to be a huge arguement. I moved here to be closer to my son, grandson and daughter. I dont want to have to move back. the thing is i am stuck!! i am married to this guy and i cant drive because of my auto immune disease. i cant move in with my son or my daughter, my only choice is to move back to texas, but i cant drive there. i think the stress has just been building up and it finally blew, think all this stress is why i am having all these headaches lately, even though it is my vasculitis but it is bad when i am under stress and my dumb ass husband knows this but he does nothing to stop the stress. i just do not know what to do.


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I would hope and think the two of you discussed all these facts of life prior to getting engaged then married. It could be that you even stayed under the same roof prior to being married. Any differences you had should have been thoroughly discussed at that time.


Then you could step back, adjust then decide if the two of you could stay under the same roof. I'm going to say for what ever reason that conversation did not happen. Now you say after a year together you say "you just don't know what to do." For starters, you need to sit down and t-a-l-k to each other while each of you listen to the other in turn. You have to love each other to get this far in a marriage, then make a move to where you are now.


After you seriously have a sit down talk and listen session, "you need to pray" and have faith you can understand him and he understands you.


I say this from experience and in my fourth marriage for keeps now. I had the same problem and I finally got it right with the lady I married this time. I( did everything I just told you! It's working for me, it'll work for you!


I got married July 1998. She's in the choir and Praise dance, we both go every Sunday. She goes to Bible study, it's a little hard for me on Wednesday nights in my condition. We've been members at this church since the day we married. Hope this helps you to make the right decision in your marriage.

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If Ray and I argued I would do some listmaking. What do I want this marriage to be like, what am I prepared to do to have it that way? Guess that is why it will be 42 years for us in July, somewhere along the line we learned to compromise!


I'm with Fred, find some things for you and hubby to do together, you came together for a reason so try to recapture some of that first fire. Life is about compromise, whoever you live with, wherever you live, life will never be oerfect. You just have to settle sometimes for "good enough".



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I am sorry that you had fight with your husband but what is apparant from your blogs that both of you don't respect each other, which I think is important in any relationship. you need to focus on what drew you closer to get married in the first place. Fred's suggestions are good one. you need to tell your husband why you need access to toilet fast, I am sure he is not doing those things such that you will have accidents.




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Thank you for all comments. Hubby and I did talk and things are ok. I get these horrible headaches and it gets me down and not feeling well, every day. Hubby is going to be getting on the ball about finding a job. He is retired and I am on disability. The stress of not having enough money is one of our biggest problems.

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well gramma, i know that it is tough rigt now but just to let you know most stroke survivers suffer from either bowel or bladder problem, i did to as well bladder but it has since gotten better, so it is a waiting game with the recovery from your stroke but it will and usually does get better and you can read about the same issues that come out anyway the main thing that i am saying it will be a shame to think of leaving him fbecause of the batroom issues, i suggest that you take a wait and see what happen my guess is it probably won"t be a problem for long but if you do leave him it would be a problem for alot longer, so hang in there gramma

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Gramma I want to sit down with you and Fred and his wife and Host Sue and her husband Asha and hers and any others that are working throug each day together in mutual love and respect. Your marriage has soured to quickly that it has left those of us who work hard at our marriages dazed. Its like you did not get through the honeymoon and that is so sad because what the Lord hath joined together let NO MAN including you and your husband out assunder not with out reason at least. Just know that we are here to support you and this is part of supporting you is helping you to understand that there could be many reasons why your marriage is not seemingly working If you really want this marriage to work PM one of us and I am sure that any one of us will do whatever we can to meet you right where you are and go from there. Karen

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