• entries
    15
  • comments
    33
  • views
    7,101

EMOTIONAL TODAY


Pwilson18

1,214 views

TODAY I FEEL VERY EMOTIONAL. I WISH I COULD GO AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK. I KNOW ITS PART OF HAVING A STROKE BUT MAYBE NOT! THIS AFTERNOON, I ASKED MY SON TO CUT A SLICE OF ONION AND DICE IT SO I COULD MAKE PIGGIES IN A BLANKET AND HE ..ROLLED HIS EYES AND SAID TSK. I GOT SO MAD I THREW THE ONION AT A CAN AND HE THEN THREW THE ONION ON THE FLOOR AND WENT TO HIS BEDROOM AND SLAMMED THE DOOR! I JUST WANT TO CRY, GET ANGRY, JUST..GO. AAY. I HATE THIS STROKE . IT PREVENTS ME FROM DOING SOOOO MUCH I TRY TO BE AS INDEPENDENT AS POSSIBLE. NOT BUG PEOPLE, DONT INTERRUPT THEIR LIFE FOR ME B I GET S---T FROM HIM OR THE LOOK FROM OTHER PEOPLE. IS EVERYONE SO BUSY THAT THEY CAN T HELP US FOR A SECOND? I LOST MY LIFE AND IM TRYING TO RE LIVE AGAIN BUT IT GETS SO HARD. IVE COME SO FAR BUT I STILL NEED HELP. IT HARD WHEN YOU CANT DRIVE AND YOU NEED A LIFT. ITS HARD DOING ONE HANDED THINGS WHEN MOST THINGS ARE TWO HANDED. ITS HARD LOSING YOUR BALANCE WHEN ALOT OF THINGS YOU NEED TO BEND TO DO. ITS HARD TO USE A KNIFE OR WRITE WHEN YOR BAD HAND SHAKES. I TRY. I REALLY DO TRY BUT PEOPLE EXPECT YOU TO DO MORE. THEY DONT SEE INSIDE YOU, HOW YOU FEEL. HOW TIRED YOU GET , WHY ARE YOU SITTING DOWN AGAIN. THE COUCH HAS AN INDENTATION FROM ME! TODAY ITS 2PM AND I GOT UP AT 8 AM. I MADE COFFEE, SHOWERED, DRESSED, DID 2 LOADS OF LAUNDRY, CHANGED MY SHEETS, MADE LUNCH, CLEANED THE BATHROOM, DUSTED WHAT I COULD AND WINDEX ED TOO. WASHED THE DISHES AND ILL START DINNER IN A FEWW HRS AND VACUUM. IT WAS HARD DOING ALL THOSE CHORES. I DON T KNOW WHAT PEOPLE WANT FROM ME. I CAN T CATER OR HELP WITH THEIR NEEDS! MAYBE I DID THIS TO PEOPLE AND WHEN I NEED HELP OR A RIDE, I GET SASSED TO, OR IM BUSY, OR CAN YOU WAIT TIL LATER ETC. IT SEEMED WHEN YOU WORE SICK, PEOPLE MADE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD FOR YOU AND NOW EVERYONE IS JUST TO BUSY TO HELP YOU!!

7 Comments


Recommended Comments

Patty: please, you are so angry but more important I think you are exhausted. I'm a caregiver and I do not accomplish what you did today on ANY given day. People will step back as you recover. You already know this. I sit sometimes and think "just give him a half hour". But people are who they are and we must be greatful for what we do receive. You need some "ME" time. We hear this alot as caregivers, but not so much with suvivors. And I do not mean taking a nap or quick rest. I'm talking about a bath, reading or listening to your music, taking a walk or just sitting in the yard. I think is must be toughest on the kids, they are too young to have learned how to step up to the plate in most cases. Anyone as exhausted as you seem is going to get emotional - and that is not stroke related, its just too tired to cope. End of the day is worst for me as well, 4 o'clock seems to be my witching hour and most of our difficulties start right about then (no kidding), day is not over, there's still so much that has to be done and even after 1/2 hour nap I'm cooked. Try to spread out some of your chores, maybe don't change the linens on the same day you have to vaccuum. And as I know from Bruce just today, some days are just "bad" days. He was exhausted all day and only had one hour OT-very little walking, only 1/2 hour speech, no swimming. So try to recognize those days when you are just not up to snuff and let some stuff slide. Please take care. While I only have words to help you out, just know someone is listening. Debbie

Link to comment

You do so much. I cannot believe that you can do that much work. My husband, William , is exhausted just from a 30 minute workout. I presume that you are doing so well that people are forgetting that you have deficits that you are trying to overcome.

In a way that is good. you are doing spectacturaly well.

People are people they get involved with themselves and forget about others. Especially longterm problems. People are good for the immediate shortterm needs, but they want to go on. Only the most special people are around for the long run.

You are doing so well. I am very proud of you.

Keep it up. I will be here to cheer you on.

I wish that I could be there to help you.

Ruth

Link to comment

Patty, I guess you didn't approve my comment to you. "It says your comment will not show up until the Blog owner has approved it." Unless you forgot to make the election?

Link to comment

patty i totally understand what you are saying. it angers me at times too. after our strokes, we work so dam hard to get better and get back as much as we can. others think we should be the way we were before stroke and we know it doesn't work like that. i too get those comments and reactions when i ask something of them, god knows, i hate to even ask anymore. i try to hold my temper back and believe me at times i fail to control it, ive learned to stay calm and let it go and remember the person doesn't have a clue what we deal with daily. i wanted to complement you on your very busy day. geez if i did all that. i would be down for a nap for hours. i think you have come really far in your recovery and i am happy for you. you give survivors a good example of how hard it is but you do it and keep going. thankyou for your blog today. it really hit home for me.

Link to comment

Patty,

I am impressed that you can do that much in one day. You are the woman! I understand how you are feeling. After my stroke, I took about two weeks off work (I should have taken a bunch more). People thought that I should be doing all the things I used to do, the way I used to do them. When I would ask for help or suggest that things had changed, you would have thought I was making a revolutionary statement. People don't get it. Hang in there..!

Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.