EMOTIONAL TODAY
TODAY I FEEL VERY EMOTIONAL. I WISH I COULD GO AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK. I KNOW ITS PART OF HAVING A STROKE BUT MAYBE NOT! THIS AFTERNOON, I ASKED MY SON TO CUT A SLICE OF ONION AND DICE IT SO I COULD MAKE PIGGIES IN A BLANKET AND HE ..ROLLED HIS EYES AND SAID TSK. I GOT SO MAD I THREW THE ONION AT A CAN AND HE THEN THREW THE ONION ON THE FLOOR AND WENT TO HIS BEDROOM AND SLAMMED THE DOOR! I JUST WANT TO CRY, GET ANGRY, JUST..GO. AAY. I HATE THIS STROKE . IT PREVENTS ME FROM DOING SOOOO MUCH I TRY TO BE AS INDEPENDENT AS POSSIBLE. NOT BUG PEOPLE, DONT INTERRUPT THEIR LIFE FOR ME B I GET S---T FROM HIM OR THE LOOK FROM OTHER PEOPLE. IS EVERYONE SO BUSY THAT THEY CAN T HELP US FOR A SECOND? I LOST MY LIFE AND IM TRYING TO RE LIVE AGAIN BUT IT GETS SO HARD. IVE COME SO FAR BUT I STILL NEED HELP. IT HARD WHEN YOU CANT DRIVE AND YOU NEED A LIFT. ITS HARD DOING ONE HANDED THINGS WHEN MOST THINGS ARE TWO HANDED. ITS HARD LOSING YOUR BALANCE WHEN ALOT OF THINGS YOU NEED TO BEND TO DO. ITS HARD TO USE A KNIFE OR WRITE WHEN YOR BAD HAND SHAKES. I TRY. I REALLY DO TRY BUT PEOPLE EXPECT YOU TO DO MORE. THEY DONT SEE INSIDE YOU, HOW YOU FEEL. HOW TIRED YOU GET , WHY ARE YOU SITTING DOWN AGAIN. THE COUCH HAS AN INDENTATION FROM ME! TODAY ITS 2PM AND I GOT UP AT 8 AM. I MADE COFFEE, SHOWERED, DRESSED, DID 2 LOADS OF LAUNDRY, CHANGED MY SHEETS, MADE LUNCH, CLEANED THE BATHROOM, DUSTED WHAT I COULD AND WINDEX ED TOO. WASHED THE DISHES AND ILL START DINNER IN A FEWW HRS AND VACUUM. IT WAS HARD DOING ALL THOSE CHORES. I DON T KNOW WHAT PEOPLE WANT FROM ME. I CAN T CATER OR HELP WITH THEIR NEEDS! MAYBE I DID THIS TO PEOPLE AND WHEN I NEED HELP OR A RIDE, I GET SASSED TO, OR IM BUSY, OR CAN YOU WAIT TIL LATER ETC. IT SEEMED WHEN YOU WORE SICK, PEOPLE MADE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD FOR YOU AND NOW EVERYONE IS JUST TO BUSY TO HELP YOU!!
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