An open letter to my family
I am sorry you don't like the "New" me. I am so tired of hearing "You need to try and act Normal again" I can never be the person I was before the stroke. The person I am now is me and that will not change. I am sorry I can't do all the things that you think I should be doing. I am not going to wake up one morning and all my issues will be gone and I will be back to "normal".
I am so tired of hearing that "I just need to try harder". Don't you think I want to get the use of my arm and hand back again! I am tiring as hard as I can, It would be nice to hear you say "you are doing good" and not "are you working on your arm and hand everyday? You don't seem to be making any headway." I KNOW that I don't seem to be making any headway, I don't need you to point that out. I can't be happy all the time, I have my bad days.
I think to would have been better if I had died from the stroke. Then I would not be the burden that you make me feel like. No one needs me any more, the only person who really needed me was Brown Sugar and he is gone now.
I am sorry I need to ask for help. I don't want to But it is the only way to get cream on my right arm or a bandage on my right arm, my left hand does not work!
I am sorry that I embarrass you in the restaurant. I can't help it if food sometimes escapes from the left side on my mouth. I try to wipe it as soon as I know it, but I have to put down the fork that is in my right hand and pick up the napkin and the does take a little time. I am sorry I have to ask you to cut up my food, I have tried but can't do that. I am sorry I have to ask you to open the little butter thing and hold it so I can get the butter out, I can't do it on my own I have tried. You all make me feel bad by making me feel like I am a child that you have to help, but you think I should be doing it myself. I would not ask if I could do it myself!
Please put yourself in my place before to do or say something and think about how it would make you feel if someone else was doing or saying it to you.
I am sorry I lived and messed up your life, it's not a hole lot of fun for me either.
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