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An open letter to my family


volare77

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I am sorry you don't like the "New" me. I am so tired of hearing "You need to try and act Normal again" I can never be the person I was before the stroke. The person I am now is me and that will not change. I am sorry I can't do all the things that you think I should be doing. I am not going to wake up one morning and all my issues will be gone and I will be back to "normal".

 

I am so tired of hearing that "I just need to try harder". Don't you think I want to get the use of my arm and hand back again! I am tiring as hard as I can, It would be nice to hear you say "you are doing good" and not "are you working on your arm and hand everyday? You don't seem to be making any headway." I KNOW that I don't seem to be making any headway, I don't need you to point that out. I can't be happy all the time, I have my bad days.

 

I think to would have been better if I had died from the stroke. Then I would not be the burden that you make me feel like. No one needs me any more, the only person who really needed me was Brown Sugar and he is gone now.

 

I am sorry I need to ask for help. I don't want to But it is the only way to get cream on my right arm or a bandage on my right arm, my left hand does not work!

 

I am sorry that I embarrass you in the restaurant. I can't help it if food sometimes escapes from the left side on my mouth. I try to wipe it as soon as I know it, but I have to put down the fork that is in my right hand and pick up the napkin and the does take a little time. I am sorry I have to ask you to cut up my food, I have tried but can't do that. I am sorry I have to ask you to open the little butter thing and hold it so I can get the butter out, I can't do it on my own I have tried. You all make me feel bad by making me feel like I am a child that you have to help, but you think I should be doing it myself. I would not ask if I could do it myself!

 

 

Please put yourself in my place before to do or say something and think about how it would make you feel if someone else was doing or saying it to you.

 

I am sorry I lived and messed up your life, it's not a hole lot of fun for me either. :(

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Volare, I am so sorry. Maybe you could ask as a Mother's Day gift or Birthday gift for the whole family to go with you to one Stroke Support meeting? Your primary concern is your recovery. It's hard, I know, to be shot down every day and still keep a stiff upper lip, but you must put yourself first. Be proud of what you accomplish. Just be proud that you did your work that day and kept to the schedule that is best for you. Be thankful for the life you have been given and pray for the strength to manage the work ahead that God has waiting for you. Smile often at little things: sun rise, sun set, flowers in bloom, crazy squirrels in your yard, the smell of fresh air. When the conversation turns critical or painful, have to go to the bathroom, right now. And then smaile at that. Best to you and chin up. Today the little four year old girl who lives behind me (talk about sad, her Dad died just short of her first birthday; heart attack) discovered her first frog. I watched her awe and joy for half an hour, that was worth a lot of laughs. Hugs, Debbie

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It is hard to deal with the loss of the arm and hand. I am a caregiver and I cannot imagine how hard it is.

 

I know that you are trying hard. My husband tries hard. But, his tolerance is so low for strenous exercise.

 

Things just take along time. patience is what is needed by everybody involeved.

 

Ruth

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hi sheryl:

 

I am sorry you are having bad day today and people around you don't seem to get it. BTW for me writing in my gratitude journal every day does keep my spirits up, since atleast in my journal I am focusing on what is still right in my life.

 

hope you have better day tomorrow.

 

hugs & kisses

 

Asha

 

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No matter what they say they have not had your experince, It is so hard to understand that there are those what will think that if we just tried a little harder we could overcome anything. That is not true. It is true that we need to give it all our to retrain and establish alternate pathways. But we cannot just our eyes and click our hees 3 times and somehow if we follow the yellobrick road all will be wonderful Just know that we have this place where we can come and be with those tho understand completely as we live it in our own individual way each and every day . Perhaps if you print this out so that they have a way of connecting to others who like you strive every day for any measurable indication that we can ever be the same again. I like to think that in ways I am better than ever. That is because I am focused on the important things of life with a new passion. I know my own limitations and each and every day I strive to regain all thet I can and leave the rest up to God. Karen

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SHERYL.. AMEN, AMEN AMEN. YOUR BLOG HAD ME CRYING!! THAT IS SOOO TRUE!!!WE TRY AND TRY AND WE GET EASILY FRUSTRATED TOO, AND ANGRY WITH OUR SELFS AND OTHER PEOPLE. MOST PEOPLE DON T SAY ANYTHING TO ME ANYMORE, CAUSE ILL JUST SAY, NICELY,,,I CAN T DO THAT ANYMORE, OR I JUST IGNORE THEM. THEY GET THE IDEA. OR I SHRUG MY SHOULDERS AND SAY.. WHATEVER!! ITS SOMETHING HOW A STROKE MADE US A LITTLE... RUDER OR NON CARING IF THAT MAKES SENSE!! I WISH I COULD HUG YOU SO WE COULD UNDERSTAND, CRY, COMPLAIN AND LAUGH AND MOST OF ALL BE VERY SUPPORTIVE! BEST WISHES. PATTY

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Sheryl: Boy can I identify with your post. I have dealt with this since my stroke almost 4 years ago. I used to obsess about it and read book after book to try to help me (self-help) like "Letting Go of the Person You used to be" and "When Things Fall Apart", books authored by other stroke survivors to see how they dealt with "it". What is normal anyway? Maybe you are normal and they aren't? Ever think of that. You are a child of God and He is the only one you need to please. That is by doing the best you can (even if it doesn't meet other people's opinions.) I have dealt with getting rid of perfectionism, high expectations of myself and others. I know who my friends are and some have gotten "dumped". I am a lot more comfortable with my disabilities than the day I came home from the hospital. I have made a lot of progress and work damn hard - If someone criticizes me for that I think I'll punch them in the nose! I have a core of people who love me, support me, encourage me, help me, etc. It is still hard for me to ask for help but humility breeds happiness in God's eyes and makes me a better person ready to help someone else. We survivors are the strong ones...I doubt if most of the people we know could ever be in our shoes and do as well as we have. I hope you have a good therapist; I finally found one. The other day she asked my husband how he would feel if he situation was reversed and he paused before he answered he would be angry and impatient. I am neither. Frustrated, yes. I ask God every day for the strength and courage to do His will for that day. Don't give up. You don't have amends to make, but everyone who has said a cross word to you certainly do. I don't know how they live with themselves. God be with you. Feel free to email any time. Leah (AZ_Leah)

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