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4 Am and talking about therapy



I am so frustrated. William has been up since 2AM . He is concerned about the pool. We will get up at 5:30A. But, since he is up so early ...we can have an even earlier start. But, we need to discuss the pros and cons of therapy. Let me tell you at 4AM I am not in the best of moods. I go on for 30 min. Mind you, we started this discussion at 2 AM. I finally, threaten him. We go or I quit. We do go and William after we are finished agrees that it was good to go and exercise.


But, why do I have to berate and argue and pester him so.??? I have told him that if he tells me no. I am no longer going to pester him. A no is a no. The caretakers take the easy way out. I will follow suit and take the easy way out.


I have told William that if he doesn't want to get stronger then he can just rest in bed and on the recliner. I am not going to keep kicking myself to get him to do anything.


I told him that if he wants to work himself into a nursing home that is his choice.


I am so tired of doing everything for him. I do not want to keep being the mean person. I am the one that insists that things get done.




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Ruth, what you go through to get William to exercise I used to go through to get Ray to eat healthy and keep his diabetes under control. 20 years down the track I am still doing it but with less volume. Ray is alive because he has me to look after him, all his specialists say so - they have seen the MRIs and know what could have happened had I given up on him.


Try to find a way to motivate him without destroying your own peace of mind. You can get caregiver burnout while aspiring to inspire if you go at it too hard.


Keep on swimming, but 4.30am? Not for me ... shudder ...lol.



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Ruth: we discuss this so often. Where is the survivor's desire to get better? Do they also lose that with stroke and, at least for me as well as you, why do these discussions always take place in the middle of the night? I said just yesterday, Bruce I am so tired of arguing with you. Part of it with Bruce is he is sick and tired of me being the boss. I think if there were children involved, I would not always be the bad guy. And I know with the spasticity the pain controls much of what Bruce will and will not do. Now that I recognize that there may be a bigger issue here (the severe spasticity), I have taken steps to try to remedy it, but also like you the pool is really my only alternative at this point for any exercise. I still private pay for two PT and two OT sessions a week, but even they are discouraged. I give Bruce two choices on his off days from therapy, the pool or work. But I will say on those days he says no, most of the time now I just go with it. One gets worn down and then there is all the rest we have to take care of and in your case, a job and support. I honestly did not think at this point Bruce would not be walking, at least in the house, independently and I am truely sorry that if the spasticity ends up being the problem, that I did not recognize it sooner. And so we move on and try to accept this life we have been given. Debbie

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You gotta push up to a point Ruth! After that it is all on the survivor. I remember my wife telling people, "no, no, let him do it." So, in my case I have wanted to "do myself." And that helped me recover faster I think.


I came home in a WC after 4 months in hospital and rehab. And having to sleep on a hospital bed downstairs while my wife was upstairs in that big ole bed by herself. My desire was to get upstairs in that bed and have sex.


From that point I had the desire to improve and I was the only one that could do it. Now I big desire is to dance by my birthday this month. I'm well on my way to that goal!


My wife's work, the (Bank) has a big, big office party each year, all you have to do is be there! Every attendee gets a surprise present. You could get a small box, wrapped with a quarter in it or $50 in it. luck of the draw. Then a prize for the best dancer and the worse dancer. My wife usually get the best dancer, I think I can qualify for the worse this tear!


That could be a flat screen TV or just about anything with a big value!


William is coming along good and I think I inspired him some driving down to visit him and he see my condition and what I could do for myself. He is probably where I was at the same period of recovery. It takes time and a will to improve and get better every day!

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