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Laid in bed most of the day. Wondering when my life will start to get back to normal. I don't know what kinds of changes thishas made on me. The first two days I was home from the hospital, I was so angry and I took it out on Charlie. Every little thing he did just bugged the crap outta me. I feel like, crap that i did that but at the same time I don't know why I did. No more fighting at this point which is good. He doesnt let me do much tho. We're just afraid that i'm going to have another stroke. The doctors kept telling me that i was on the brink of death and i havent heard anything about that since I left and it scares the ever livin crap outta me. No just me but Charlie too. There are nights that I am afraid to go to sleep because i am afraid that I won't wake up the next morning. Charlie checks on me every single night. Make sure i'm breathing and that i have a pulse. That's no way to go through life. But we are just so scared. I know with this that i am supposed to relax and take it easy but i feel like a lump just laying around. I want help. Contribute. I was days away from starting my life when this happened to me. I was going to go and enroll in school to get my bussiness degree because me and my sister aretalking about opening up our own salon. Then when we got transfered back to FL (that's where all my family is) I was going to attend the Paul Mitchell Academy and we were going to work on it. Gotta put that on hold for a while now. I might be able to do online classes but actually attending classes is probably not a good idea right now. I'm really tired a lot of the time. Simple things that used to be so easy to me, like doing my hair, make me so exhausted now. Lots of thing take me a long time to do. baby steps at first. It's going to take sometimes to at least try to get things back to where they were before but I think that I am going to have to learn some patience because i get frustrated a lot. Even with thinking. Last night I kept asking charlieif he talked to my nurse and a lot of other things that i was dreaming about in my sleep. Couldn't seperate the two. Extremely frustrating. Had a 20 minute conversation with my big sister when I was in the hospital that i don't remember having.


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Congratulations Jillian on your first blog. :You-Rock: Welcome to Blogworld, a global village in miniature.


We will suport you as best we can. I am a caregiver not a survivor so you might want to go to the survivor posts and look there for answers. I am sorry this has happened to you but at least you have found a place to get support which is what this site is all about.


I look forward to getting to know you better through your blogs. You will find that posting on the forums gives you more answers too. No need to be alone and scared, you have joined a great cyber family here. :welcome:



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hi Jillian:


I am so glad you joined our blogworld. I remember feeling same way after my stroke. I know the advice I will give you right now might sound trite to you, but what I learnt hard way might help you. first & foremost take one day at a time, and don't project your life based on what you see today, nothing is permenant(or be same) things will improve. I remember wasting my today in crying how bad my life will be in future in the rehab hospital. your life will be still great just different on how you achieve your goals. give yourself some time and slack to heal. only you are responsible for your life, start contributing with small step and slowly add up.all these small steps will become big step in right direction. I know this because I lived it. My life is still great just little different, yes I don't bring in big paycheck, but my son says me being at home helped him more than me working. keep on blogging and also don't forget to celebrate your simple joys, and simple accomplishments in life. we take too many things in life for granted.




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Welcome to the world of Blogging, and of course your first blog. For me, I tried reading it for two days! See, when it's all together, no breaks in paragraphs, my eyes get lost and I don't comprehend what is said.


But I got it now and as you are fresh out of the hospital, it will take time, lots of time. It gets better, your worry about another stroke will fade away. You will get back "some" of what you lost but chances are slim in you getting back to "normal" what ever that means.


I take it you are young, probably 26 years of age. I see why you are scared of how you are now. It does get better, I'm living proof, 7 years now, one stroke left side weak, use a cane and a scooter.


I feel my life is normal, the new me doing what I can do on my own. So, you gotta put some things in life, your life on hold. I got the same degree you want to get,but it took me 9 years to finish while in the Army. Then look at me now, a stroke, like you but it's not the end of the world. You will have time, I was 38 when I retired from the Army in 1979 after 22 years of service to my country.


Charlie will see you through as my wife did for me. I had to sleep downstairs in a hospital bed for 3 months coming home from the hospital in a wheel chair. I'm still not walking unassisted but can go up/down the stairs.


You will get better in due time, exercise your weak side daily all you can. Get therapy when you can, that helps you to recover.

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Hi Jillian


I am Ken it took me a lot longer to find this web page but it is full of love , hope and just plain understanding. My first stroke was Nov. o8 had one more Dec. 09 and 2 TIAs inbetween but that does not mean you will go throught that we all have had different experances these are mine. I had to retire early at age 60 since i could no longer work in radiology as i had for forty years. how that from caregiver to a stroke suvivore I am better off then some and worse then others but time does heal along with the ability to fight back my short term memory is very poor but the fun part is I forget what i was mad about soon after. my worst thing are mood swings like laughing when I am sad or crying at something that realy makes me happy My wife takes the brunt of all of this but understandes that we will get through it with each others help and understanding When I was young I went through some training in the milatry and if things got to tough all you had to do was ring a bell and you were mustard out of the program I did not ring that bell and I sure as H>>>>>> won't do it know Life is just takeing you and the rest of us down a different road so sit back hold on and push your way to what ever is ahead hope to see you in the chat rooms I will be the old man with gray hair going by KEN1950 hang in there it is just a different road not a scarey one unless you let it



PS we are somewhat of neighbors i live in N.C. just below Danville VA

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