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12/3/2010


Jillian26

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Had a good past few days. I got new pain killers and a big supply so I should be good for a while. I do enjoy no being in intense pain, lol. I drove my F150 for the first time yesterday with virtually no difficulty and I was extrememly happy with that, although really nervous. I find that driving my big heavy duty F150 is so much easier than driving the Altima. Wonder why that is. I've noticed that, after reading ppl stories on hear and other places that I got really lucky. A lot of my ailments are clearing up. Other ones i think aren't going to clear up, and I think I'm okay with that. My friends Amanda told me last night that another one of her friends had a stroke yesterday and I just have been non stop praying that she will get as lucky as me and get through this with little effect. I was very fortunate and got a mircale and I hope that she gets hers as well. The fear is still there, a lot of the time. I've been going to church and they've been trying to help me with my fear, telling me that that's just the devil trying to get in and rock my faith, and I'm trying. It gets a little easier everyday, but there are days when I'm gripped with it. I'm still not sleeping well. Went to bed at about 130 or 2 this morning and got up at 8. I think I'm going to have to follow the advice that some of y'all have given me and ask my doctor next week, for a light sleeping pill or an anti anxiety to help me sleep. It's really weird tho, like i get scared at night now. not like I'm afraid becaise of my stroke, but like scary scared. Like the little noises and shadows, and I feel ridiculous because I've never been the scared type, so, I don't know what to make of it. I'm starting to realize things about me now that are completely different than what and how I was before. Kinda fristrating, as well as most all the other things I'm trying to deal with like my brain and balance and memory. I think that I'm coming to deal with some of this. Charlie and Trinity dubbed me weeble wobble the other day which made laugh cause they are right, lol. I haven't had a drink in like 10 months I think and this is what I would relate that too, ( crap I just remembered the young stroke survivor chat the other night, ugh). I feel like I'm permanently buzzed. And then when I take my pain killers, I start to feel kinda normal, which I think is funny. Looks like Charlie will be getting off the Bush here soon. They sent him the exceptional family member paperwork yesterday and we filled them out and sent them to my doctors for them to fill out to get the ball rolling on getting him on permanent shore duty so he doesn't leave me anymore. He's been home since this happened, and I think that that is part of why we fought a lot when I got home, we just aren't used to being around each other all the time. He would come home for a "visit" and then leave for a month or two and now with this happeneing, I just think that we are going to have to re learn to live together, lol. We're sorting through Trinity's clothes right now. I'm having coffee and writing my blog and he is folding. I gave input, which was really all he wanted. I think that he just wants me in here so he can keep an eye on me, lol. Today seems like it's the start of another okay/good day, at least I'm going to try and make it that way. Uh oh, empty mug, gotta go!! Lol. Have a good one and God bless all y'all.

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hey Jillian:

 

I am glad you are feeling better, I could feel your joy in life through your blog. your new name sounds funny, I am glad you are able to laugh on yourself. I have same problem when hubby is home, I tell him he bothers me in my routine, but as I have you will learn to love the new changes in your life with that great attitude of yours.

 

Asha

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Yea i think I've just com to the conclusion that sulking over what happened isn't going to do any good. No reason trying to dwell on why this happened to me cause it already happened and there's nothing that I can do to change that. All I can do is try to deal with it now. And try to move on.

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Jillian, good attitude, a "new normal" is what you build your life back into.It is tough to do but you do it one attitude at a time.

 

As a caregiver I have my moments even after eleven years of wanting things to change back to the way they were but it is NOT going to happen! So if I am to have a happy life I have to make it happy NOW!

 

Sue.

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