first of all, let me say that i think i am a grumpy, cynical, pessimistic, and suspicious person by nature. however, these traits have been intensified since i had my stroke. on the flip side, i can find humor in JUST about everything, no matter how dismal and this goes for death issues. of course i am not callous enough to feel or act innappropriately "silly" when someone i love dies, but, somehow, when enough time passes, if nothing else, i remember, write down and talk about funny things that the decedent and i did together. i believe that some people drink, some people bite their nails, some people have road rage( as do i), some people use drugs, some people knit, some people exersize, some cook( i do that too), some have sex ( i hardly ever do that), etc.. to relieve stress. i , well LAUGH!!!! only people who don't know me very well think i am a "sweet" person. that is because i haven't known them long enough for them to *beep* me off to a point that they find out the truth!! to me, a GOOD day is a day when no one makes me mad. i have had a therapist tell me that NO one has the power to make another person mad. he said that you LET or ALLOW yourself to become angry. i said" bull *beep*,you HAVE JUST DONE AN EXCELLENT JOB OF REALLY MAKING ME MAD BY MAKING THAT COMMENT!!! what or where are you from , the 1960's with all of that love peace and joy crap?? i bet you have a peace sign necklace under that shirt, let me see!!!!" needless to say, that client/patient relationship didn't last very long. just a short background on my personality. like i said, it's gotten more intense and NOT necessarily in a positive way. i'll write some more specific stories before and after stroke so i can see on paper what changes i have made and what actions i can take to improve my behaviour!!!

kim