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some updates



Today was a busy day, as we had our six month's visit to the neurologist this morning. I wish I was not so tired. I am not sleeping well and am more tired than usual, probably the humidity.


I shouldn't complain, with all the vision of the dreadful Queensland floods and the death and destruction there streaming onto the TV news on all channels this morning I feel as if my troubles are small. Compared with those folk I have it easy.


After we saw the neurologist this morning, he had the nerve conductivity test done on Ray. Ray does not have peripheral neuropathy although that was thought to be one of the causes of the diabetic blister. So why does he have the blister? In the neurologist's opinion it is the diabetes of course. But he did point out that the blister does seem to be reabsorbing nicely. And he will give Ray a referral to a vascular surgeon so the arteries in his legs can be checked to see if there can be some improvement made there.


The bad news is this morning the shower nurse left before I got back from my walk. I stopped at my son's house to tell him my sister broke the toilet window, one of the bottom louvers. So when I rang his boss, the Case Manager, she was "upset" Ray had been left on his own. Oh really???? Well me too. Of course there were lots of promises that this will never happen again.


I broke down and cried in the neurologist’s office this morning when he asked Ray if he was depressed and he answered: "think so". He then asked if he sometimes thought life was no longer worth while and he answered: "a lot of the time". I'm guessing he will recommend that our doctor starts Ray on an antidepressant.


He probably thinks that I need antidepressants as well. I don't really, I am fine most of the time. But when people finally "get it" then the tears tend to come to the surface. Particularly as he then asked how our family deal with all of this and that is a sore point with me at the moment with the presents still under the tree for our older son to come and pick up. His kids missed out on the family time and what can I do about that?


Am I dealing with this well? I think I was doing well before Christmas but since having to use the wheelchair in the house and having so little time to myself because of the Daycare team etc being on holidays and time off in short supply, maybe the answer is "no". Luckily it is only one more week and they are back again.


The neurologist said I should have Ray in Daycare two days a week now. I said I was considering another option and he said to keep Ray where he is familiar with the surroundings, and where the staff are familiar with his needs. I guess that is good advice so I will see if Daycare can give him a second day at this stage.


The neurologist also suggested I use one day for visiting Mum etc and make a list of things I might like to do on the other day and suggested a massage, a trip to the movies and maybe some other treats I may have been putting off for a while. I wouldn’t mind a lunch with a girlfriend from time to time as I know how that can cheer me up. I just have to put it into place. It is strange but someone giving you “permission” to do something for yourself does help. It is almost as if he wrote me out a prescription for “me time”.


Tomorrow is an easier day, some housework and then Caregiver Chat and minding Lucas some of the afternoon. Trev has a small part-time job, four hours a day relieving a cleaner for the month of January but of course Edie is a shift worker and is doing evenings this week. It never meshes well doing two jobs in a family and having an 8 year old too. GrannySue to the rescue.


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I am so happy Ray's blister is healing well, and your worrying about the disaster impending was just worrying. take that me-time whenver you can. I will pray Ray finds joy in life again. does he likes to read? I am reading this great spiritual book & it gives me lot of comfort in struggles of my life, due to reading all this great books my life feels great, just little different than what considered to be normal but still good. I hope & pray your son realizes soon, how much he is missing being estranged from family. maybe you want his sister or brother-in-law talk with him to find out why is he hurt & how can you all together resolve the hurt. there is saying in our culture, kids can be selfish & not forgive parents about their mistakes, but parents have big heart & will always be gorgiving & accomodating to their children. I also feel having family close by it's big plus for everybody, we can all depend on each other for babysitting, and so many other things that come up in running the house. I am so glad I had my family close by tto help out during our time of need they all helped us out till we got adjusted to our new post stroke life. I don't know what would I have done without my family. my mom is still my vegetable chopper.



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Sue I am happy to hear about Ray's blister healing. I pray that his health will improve more. I know what you mean when you say you don't feel depressed but when someone says something it hits you and the tears flow. It's okay to cry as we caregivers can't keep all this to ourselves. Go out with your friends for lunch as that social connection is good medicine. Take care. :friends:


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I am so glad that Ray's blister is healing and the vascular surgeon can give input. I think that you have a gem of a doctor. Yes, he saw that you needed some respite.


you tell us all the time. Now ...listen...you need to take care of yourself.


An anitdepressent might just be the answer for Ray. I know when William first started on it...I was ambivalent. but, he does feel better and he usually does feel good and not depressed. Every once in awhile he gets angry about the loss of arm and leg..but all in all the pill helps. He is on zoloft 50mg...


I shall check up on you...Let me know what you did for yourself. You have a prescription that needs to be filled.



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Sue: I was thinking about what Bruce could be thinking about all of this stroke stuff. Somehow this week I was focussed on what a nightmare this must be for him. Ray's verbalization with his Neuro must really hit home with you. We go on day to day with our routines and our stresses and then Wham, we get him with the big one.


Get the Vascular consult, there may be some good and safe options for that leg circulation. And give the antidepressant, if it is suggested a try. If Ray is willing, give him the chance. A few months in, you and he will know.


You are carrying too many stones right now and need to drop some. That is a Bruce analogy. When we enter a relationship, everyone arrives with stones. After some time, those stones have shifted ownership. Right now, you have all the stones. I agree with Asha to maybe ask Trev to intervene with his brother, but mostly from your posts and blogs, Edie may be the better choice. That takes some thinking, I know, but in the meantime the Doctor is right. I know Ray has some respite coming up in February, but I am afraid you will sink even lower before that time comes. Hopefully the Day Care will find a second spot soon.


But mostly I ask that you search for other options that may be available=a church member who has offered help or maybe a Lion's member. And as you have said, the Doctor mentioning it kind of gives you the OK to do it. And this time is not for errands-go visit your Mum, have a nice lunch or maybe window shop, a walk in a local park. A few hours just for you. Please think about it. Prayers and Hugs, Debbie

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