Julie:

after reading your blog * Larr's response I remember how I used to feel the same way, but boy I am glad I persisted due to my wonderful husband & child & now enjoying great life with my family & friends. tell him things are never going to be this way forever, its going to change and more he does for himself, better he will feel about himself & his life. I know that's what worked for me.and praise his efforts.

Asha

Julie: Bruce also prefers to work with me rather than his caregivers here at home. Leo will either just do it or coax him into it, Cathy isn't with him enough to assert herself yet, so just doesn't do it and Jen, well it depends on how she feels that day.

I explain as often as I have to that they are here to help me as well as him. Part of it I know is the separation anxiety of me going back to work. Another part is he would like to just wait alone until I get home, which of course is not an option. He does well for an hour or so, but the main worry is the toilet and he has done it himself both to me and to Leo. In all fairness, that is the one thing he is totally independent in doing. Just if he falls in the BR, we are talking ceramic tile, into the bath stall and probably injury.

But I too notice how much better he does at the pool with the other people working on the same issues he does. And that was certainly true with PT and OT, either here or at Rehab.

You just have to take Sue's advice and when they get ornery, leave the room. They know we have trouble saying no to them-we love them and want to ease their recovery as much as we can. I have found that on certain things I just have to keep my foot down. And as Asha advises always praise and say thank you.

Julie,

William says the same thing sometimes. I wish that I had died. But, that is only every so often.

I like you lost a husband . My 1st husband died when he was 45 years old.

I like you know that it is better that your spouse survives.

Just keep working...recovery is very slow. I tell William that he will be walking at some time in the future.

Ruth

I cannot recall specifics but i know many times I have said that to my husband That it would have been better for him had I not made it. Now he has Level IV b Pancreatic cancer My every moment is focused in doing all that I can and whatever I can to see to it that he has every minute possible Life is so precious if only I could have seen clearly then I am doing my best to take care of Bill He does his best to make that as easy as humanly possible as we pray for remission or a miracle Hugs to you Karen