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Another year......


ksmith

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Well today is my son's 8 birthday. I feel so amazing, I baked him a cake and pancakes for breakfast. Yet I feel so bad because I don't remember my oldest sons birthday. I can't always keep on beating me down for having to work so much when he was younger. I had to. I left his father who was abusive to me to move back to New Jersey. Don't get me wrong I'm not sorry I left just merely sad that all the things I am able to do with my youngest son were not with my oldest. In time he will look back on his life, as I once did and be thankful for all the things my my and parents did for me. I was raised very independently. Which I have no regrets. I was able to learn alot of life lessons. I am in a place right now I look at my friends and think if I pursued my life differently I would have all what they have. I know life isn't based on material things. i get that....I really do. I think that I'm just going through this bump in the road as I do every time this year since the stroke. I love the summer and I miss being able to do a lot of my polysyllables as riding my bike for that long...Going to the outside bar and watching the ocean. Hanging out with friends. I know that the stroke isn't the end of my social networking, Just i get in these moods. they will pass. I think Im not good at letting them go...... they are always my babies Dance.gif

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Yes, this is scary. I know how you feel. I left an abusive husband, went back to school and worked full time, from being a stay-at-home mom. A lot of the time, I think Garion (my oldest) got the short end of that deal too. I also look at friends who lived their lives differently and think that if I had lived my life the way they did, I'd be "further along that road" too. BUt then I think I also might have had my stroke sooner, and I might not have the 3 kids that I do. OK, I'm not surrounded by the same material things that many of my friends are and I don't have money "to burn." BUT....I have Garion, Jalane (Laney) and Logan. Those are the greatest treasures in the world, and ones that cannot be taken away by a down-turned economy!

 

I'm not good at letting them go either. The phone rings and I jump because 2 of my 3 are living out of the house now. They will always be your babies, asa mine will always be my babies.

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kelly:

 

life is full of choices we made in this journey, some bad, some good, as long as we are learning & growing from them, nothing is wasted. as a parent we all tend to go through lot of guilt of not doing some things right & forget how many things we did right. I believe we all come to this earth with our own destiny, though I feel as a parent its our job to love our kids unconditionally, and be there for them when they need us.

 

Asha

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Yes, this is scary. I know how you feel. I left an abusive husband, went back to school and worked full time, from being a stay-at-home mom. A lot of the time, I think Garion (my oldest) got the short end of that deal too. I also look at friends who lived their lives differently and think that if I had lived my life the way they did, I'd be "further along that road" too. BUt then I think I also might have had my stroke sooner, and I might not have the 3 kids that I do. OK, I'm not surrounded by the same material things that many of my friends are and I don't have money "to burn." BUT....I have Garion, Jalane (Laney) and Logan. Those are the greatest treasures in the world, and ones that cannot be taken away by a down-turned economy!

 

I'm not good at letting them go either. The phone rings and I jump because 2 of my 3 are living out of the house now. They will always be your babies, asa mine will always be my babies.

 

this is really starting to be so cool that you are more me then .......well me lol

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I can't speak as a parent but you did what you needed to do. Stop punching yourself. You were a great mom then and your a great mom now and always. Guilt kills. Let it go. Talk to your older son if it bothers you and let him know from you so that he doesn't have any misunderstanding.

Clear the air let you son know you feel guilty and hear his side if he feels cheated.

My mother was brought up as a parent to keep things to yourself. When she had months to live, I sat down with my mother, her being 70 and me being 46 and cleared the air. I let my mother explain and be at peace at her time of death.

remembertolaugh, Jeanniebean :cocktail:

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