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almost a year to the day, since i last blogged


kanderson

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hello again everyone. this past year was a terrible one for me and my family. my husbands business was failing after 30 years due to the economy. which meant no income from him. our house ended up in foreclosure because the bank wouldn't work with us,,millions of others were caught up in the same re-financing scams out there. we hired an attorney to help us, to continue with the case, he wanted more money, which we didn't have, so we had to be out by 12-6,2010. my hubby (andy) was under so much stress. he was complaining all day long of severe heartburn on 8-24-10. since he had a previous heart attack, i suspected the worse and i told him that. before i went to bed that night, i wanted to call 911, no he said, i couldn't call them anyway, if they came and he refused to go, they couldn't take him. partly the reason i think he wouldn't go is the expense, he had no insurance,and i think he wanted the stress to end and he felt like a failure, from conversations we had before. i was very angry with him for not letting me help him, matt and i both told him that day, he needed to go to the hospital, BUT NO!!,as heartless as it sounds. matt and i went to bed. i woke up after hearing him getting sick in the bathroom, i got up and went to check on him, finding him on the floor, with his feet wedged against the door, where i could barely open it, he wouldn't respond to me, so i then knew what happened, i screamed for my son to try to help him with CPR, but he couldn't get him out of the bathroom, i called 911, they got there quickly but it was to late. he died that night at 57 years old. my son and i were devastated to say the least. andy and i had been married for 40 years since we 16 years old. i was so angry, hurt and lost at the same time, it made me feellike he wanted to die, he was unhappy for many reasons, one of which was my stroke. i am still overcome with grief, but it will ease with more time. i have now moved to tx to be with my family, i fell on the trip and broke 5 of my ribs, then i fell in our new home , then hurt my back, i now live with my sons, which is alot different than when they were kids, LOL. i am under home health now to get me stronger again with therapy and getting my bp pressure under control again. i think all of the stress i was under and still am at times has not helped me since ive moved back here. my other home was more set up for me and was carpeted, this home has wood floors, which is different to walk on for me anyway. i am trying to be more cautious, but i am fearful most of the time. i just need time for all of the huge changes in my life to settle down i guess. i miss andy so much, but i brought him here to be buried, so i can visit him when i want to. his birthday is tomorrow, which adds to my sorrow. i was not expecting to lose the love of my life so soon. life seems unfair at times, since my stroke, i've lost my mother too. i don't think i can bare much more heartache. sorry to be so depressing in my update blog.

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Kimmie, I know from experience how you must feel, mine was a bit different but nevertheless I was left three times holding the bag. Now that you are in Texas closer to my city, I hope to meet you one day.

 

Well, I know how you may feel about his birthday tomorrow and it will take time to digest his lost in your life. Take care of you, use your cane when you can on those wooden floors. Don't put throw rugs down that makes walking worse! Maybe the long runners with the 2 sided tape to hold it in place, that's what we got here.

 

I got in home care too, on three days a week 2 hours each day. A nurse is assigned so I don't have to go to the VA for blood work, they come to me and get the blood to turn in to the VA!

 

Take care, blog more often to pass the thoughts and time while you continue to heal from life in general and your body! :happydance: :Clap-Hands:

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Kimmie,

wecome to Texas. yes, we all need to get together and have a reunion. I am in Houston. Where are you? I am sorry to hear that you had such an awful year.

 

I know that tomorrow will be sad. Only time makes death easier ...

 

take care of yourself and get stronger. breaking those bones didn't help. You made it to Texas.

 

Congratulations

Ruth

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Kimmie:

 

life is full of ups & down rides. I hope & pray now you go on your up ride. you have been through a lot last year, loosing love of your life is no easy thing to deal with, but hopefully time will heal all the wounds, and you will be able to focus on your lovely 40 years together & cherish all those memories with Andy. in our hindu religion we believe that you will meet him in next lifetime. blog more often its very therupetic. Remember you have lots of friends here in cyber world.

 

Hope you settle down soon in texas with your family.

 

hugs,

Asha

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Kimmie, welcome back to the blog community, remember there is a lot of support here. I hope telling your story here helps, it is therapeutic as Asha has always said to put it down and read it back.

 

I guess as you say millions share your situation to a degree but none of us can be your strength and courage but we can be your support. We do care about you, you have been a wonderful support to many over the years and now whatever we can do let us help.

 

(((hugs))) from Sue.

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Hi Kimmie

 

So sorry to hear it has been such a terrible year for you. I hope will will have lots of support now you are back in Texas. You are in my prayers

 

Bev xx

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Kimmie, Glad your back to blogging. I'm not in Texas but you need something don't hesitate to get in touch and ask. Sorry to hear of your loss. My prayers are with you in you new journey of life. It's great your able to be back with family. Your stroke family is hear to support you in what ever you require.

remembertolaugh, Jeanniebean :cocktail::cocktail:

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Welcome back Kimmie

My heart feels for you and your great loss and you will be in my thoughts tomorrow. Try to remenber all of the good times that you and Andy had together and hug those grandbabies really tight and give them one from their Grandpa I'm sure that Andy would like that and will be smiling down when he feels the love. Take care Sally

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Hi Kim: I'm Henry, age 70, survivor, stroke 10/09/09, ischemic event, deficits--right sided weakness.

Very sorry to hear about Andy. You did the right thing to move where your family can give you support. Be careful walking, any new environment can throw you off balance. See a doctor about being assessed for therapy, even if you've been there before. Let us help you as we can. SN is great!

All the best.

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Kimmie,

 

Sorry for your loss. You went through alot last year. Hopefully this year will put some joy back in your life. It's good that you are with your boy's and have their support to lean on. Glad to see you are back on the forum. You helped alot of people here. (Me included)

 

Terry

 

 

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Kimmie: you have walked all of us through our guilts and feelings of regret-the what ifs! You need to remind yourself of all the compassionate advise you have shared. My heart breaks for you and your family. I am happy you are safe and with family. And Andy did the very best he could. He loved all of you and you must remember, with all his support, he would not want this for you-this grief and self-recrimination.

 

Talk to him, tell him you love him and remember the love and support he gave to you, and make him proud. His legacy lives on in you and your boys. Thinking of you, Debbie

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Kimmie I need for you to know that the failure was not yours or your husbands but the crooks out there I wont go into all the details but anyone that reads about the rise and fall of out housing was inescapable. Your husband was double victimized. God bless you and I wish you all the best in starting to forge out a life Hugs and more Love Karen

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Dear Kimmie: You have had more than any one person should have to handle in such a short time. I am so sorry for your loss and your new physical problems.

It's very hard to "start over"; I've had experience in the frustrations and what if's especially after my fall and broken ribs last August. Take it a step at a time and whatever you do don't give up. I have made improvements but it is slow-going. When I lost my mom, my therapist told me there is no rules for grieving. Everyone grieves in their own way and their own time. That helped me...there are no "shoulds". And you have a lot to grieve, besides Andy. Writing things down has also helped me so I could see in black and white everything I had to digest at the same time. I'm glad to see you back on the boards. I would have replied sooner, but my 'puter was broke for over a week. I think of you a lot. I can promise you, things will get better even on the days you don't think they will. I read a saying somewhere I really like: WWhen the heart grieves for what is lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left". You now have a lot of family who I hope helps you in this part of your journey. Love and Hugs, Leah

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kimmie i am so sorry for your loss of your husband i wish that some how i could ease your pain of your loss because if i could i certainly would but what i can do is to let you know that you do have alot of friends out there in stroke net wishing foryou kimmie that things will get easy for you kimmie you have alot of friends who really care how you are feeling and what you have to go through this very difficult time in your life so i will be praying for you in order to try to ease your pain so be well kimmie and be safe my friend your friend lenny

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Kimmie, you certainly did have a bad year and I am sorry for that. I have a few suggestions for you because of the hard wood floors. If your brace doesn`t have a sole underneath to prevent from slipping, get one put on where they make the braces or any shoemaker can do it. Also I had a tea cart to get around in the house, especially if I had to carry a cup or dishes, a cane was not useful. With the tea cart, you have a surface to carry what you need plus you can hold on to it to walk. I hope you can make your new home kimmie-friendly so you can enjoy it with your family. I am still on yahoo or you can PM me if you need help with anything. I have moved around a lot the last 27 years and have had to make all my homes mc friendly so I have lots of experience there and I would love to help if I can. Be well,

 

mc

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THANKYOU ALL FOR YOUR SUGGESTIONS AND THE LOVE I READ IN EACH REPLY FOR ME. YOU FOLKS ARE THE BEST!! I FEEL SO HONORED TO HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE CARE ABOUT ME AND THE HELP I HAVE GIVEN THEM IN THE PAST. LEAH AND TERRY ITS GREAT TO HAVE YOU BOTH REPLYING TO ME. HENRY I'M EXCITED YOU READ MY BLOG SINCE I DON'T KNOW YOU VERY WELL, BUT THAT CHANGES HERE AT SN. WE TRY TO GET TO KNOW EVERYONE THAT IS ACTIVE ON THE SITE THE BEST WE CAN. I WILL TRY TO KEEP BLOGGING REGULARLY NOW, TO GET MY FEELINGS OUT. I THINK IT WILL HELP ME HEAL. THANKYOU ALL AGAIN, YOU ARE TRUE FRIENDS WHO UNDERSTAND. MC I JUST MIGHT TAKE YOU UP ON YOUR OFFER TO HELP, SINCE YOU ARE THE MOVING QUEEN OF THE SITE, LOL.

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What a year you had, Kimmie! Thank goodness most of those don't happen too often. Life is all about change and there are no guarantees. While a lot of what happens doesn't seem "fair", no one knows why the load of one is often greater than that of another. I have found that time seems to have a way of healing...you don't ever get over it...but the pain lessens somewhat and your heart begins to heal. Andy's body was a casement for his spirit and his spirit still lives on. You have that with you each and every day even though he is not here in body.

 

Kimmie, you and Donna S. were there for me when I stroked...I think of you as a friend who helped me through my crisis. I am still on my stroke recovery journey and I know today it will never end. When I was diagnosed with cancer after the stroke, I had a huge pity party the day I found out and some so not very flattering words came out of my mouth that I never use..and thank goodness only one person heard me say them. The next day I moved on and knew that chemo was my only hope and it needed to be my friend as I wanted it to enter every part of my body in case there were still cancer cells floating around. I took the OncoType Test and it showed I had a high reocurrence rate.

 

I know it is not for everyone but volunteering can be a wonderful opportunity. Think of the love and compassion you have for animals...there are animal shelters that could use your love and skill set. There are ways to get transportation if you do not have it.

 

Most importantly, Kimmie, we love you here at SN. Keep on reaching out and getting those feelings out there...you were there for us...let us be there for you.

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