almost a year to the day, since i last blogged
Entry posted by kanderson
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hello again everyone. this past year was a terrible one for me and my family. my husbands business was failing after 30 years due to the economy. which meant no income from him. our house ended up in foreclosure because the bank wouldn't work with us,,millions of others were caught up in the same re-financing scams out there. we hired an attorney to help us, to continue with the case, he wanted more money, which we didn't have, so we had to be out by 12-6,2010. my hubby (andy) was under so much stress. he was complaining all day long of severe heartburn on 8-24-10. since he had a previous heart attack, i suspected the worse and i told him that. before i went to bed that night, i wanted to call 911, no he said, i couldn't call them anyway, if they came and he refused to go, they couldn't take him. partly the reason i think he wouldn't go is the expense, he had no insurance,and i think he wanted the stress to end and he felt like a failure, from conversations we had before. i was very angry with him for not letting me help him, matt and i both told him that day, he needed to go to the hospital, BUT NO!!,as heartless as it sounds. matt and i went to bed. i woke up after hearing him getting sick in the bathroom, i got up and went to check on him, finding him on the floor, with his feet wedged against the door, where i could barely open it, he wouldn't respond to me, so i then knew what happened, i screamed for my son to try to help him with CPR, but he couldn't get him out of the bathroom, i called 911, they got there quickly but it was to late. he died that night at 57 years old. my son and i were devastated to say the least. andy and i had been married for 40 years since we 16 years old. i was so angry, hurt and lost at the same time, it made me feellike he wanted to die, he was unhappy for many reasons, one of which was my stroke. i am still overcome with grief, but it will ease with more time. i have now moved to tx to be with my family, i fell on the trip and broke 5 of my ribs, then i fell in our new home , then hurt my back, i now live with my sons, which is alot different than when they were kids, LOL. i am under home health now to get me stronger again with therapy and getting my bp pressure under control again. i think all of the stress i was under and still am at times has not helped me since ive moved back here. my other home was more set up for me and was carpeted, this home has wood floors, which is different to walk on for me anyway. i am trying to be more cautious, but i am fearful most of the time. i just need time for all of the huge changes in my life to settle down i guess. i miss andy so much, but i brought him here to be buried, so i can visit him when i want to. his birthday is tomorrow, which adds to my sorrow. i was not expecting to lose the love of my life so soon. life seems unfair at times, since my stroke, i've lost my mother too. i don't think i can bare much more heartache. sorry to be so depressing in my update blog.
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