I deceided to create this Blog to help me. I was advised to start journaling to get my feelings out to help me get through all of this. So I'll give it a try...............

I have been thinking back to the day of my husband's stroke. I kissed him goodbye for another day of work. Around 3pm that day I had called my husband's cell just to check in and see how his day was going. I had left a message and usualy he gets back to me within 30 minutes. An hour had passed and I still didn't hear from him. So I had left him another message. No answer - it was now around 5:15pm. I had left work and when I got home I had asked the kids if there stepfather had called. They both said no. So I left him another message - and by now I was beginning to worry. In 18 years my husband had never got back to me when I left a message. I started to make dinner and as every minute had gone by I got more and more worried. The kids and I where eating supper when the phone had rang and on the other end was a neurologist from a leading trauma center in our area. His exact words to me where "Your husband has had a very severe stroke. Get here as soon as you can." We ran to my son's truck and took off for almost an hours drive to the trauma center. I found my husband in the intensive care ER, he was paralyzed on the left side, his speech was very slurred and he was very confused. Next two residents entered the room to tell me what their findings where. My husband had had a severe right sided stroke - the CAT scan showed the right side of his brain was totally blackened and I was informed that his brain had moved inside his skull. They could not give him the shot because there was signs of bleeding inside his head. He was transferred to ICU and I was told that his condition was critical. He was in ICU for 14 days. I can remember the day when the surgeon had come in and told me that my husband's brain was swelling inside his skull and that they where going to give it 48 hours on Mannatol to see if the swelling would start to go down or they where going to open his head - and another day I had a GI doctor come into his room and tell me that if he didn't start drinking and eating that they would have to place a feeding tube. I sat by my husband's side for 14 days. I went home long enough to shower and try to rest for a few hours. Finally on the 14th day they informed me that they where moving him out of ICU to a step down floor.

The stroke had hit the frontal portion of my husband's brain which affected his impulse control He would start to yell for no reason and didn't realize that he was doing it. The doctors found it very difficult to control this and I was told that this was very disturbing to the other patients, so they called in a psychiatrist to evaluate him. The psychiatrist deceided that the best place for my husband was the psych ward so that he could control this. This was the worst thing that could have happened to my husband. He was put in a room - no radio, no TV, paralyzed on one side, not really understanding what was happening to him and not receiving the care he needed for the paralysis of the stroke. I fought and fought for about 3 weeks with this psychiatrist that what was being done was wrong and that he had not right to hold my husband in the psych ward. The psychiatrist had informed me that my husband could not stay on a medical floor since the neurologists had discharged him for his stroke. They only place he could be put was the psych ward. My husband was kept on this floor for one month - and used as a medical guinea pig for psych drugs. I could not get him off this floor - the psychiatrist was in control - he told the medical board that my husband belonged there and there was nothing I could do - I was told that if I continued to fight against the doctors decision that they would 302 my husband by court order. I can't believe that this had happened to a stroke patient. The stroke caused this to happen - he wasn't NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally after a month on this unit the psychiatrist called me one evening and told me that he was going to discharge my husband to a nursing home. My husband's impulse control was in no better control than from the day they admitted him to the psych ward. It was finally a doctor in the nursing home that realized what had happened to my husband and started him on a seizure medication to control the impulses. It worked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Every week has been nothing but ups and downs. I have gone thru a long period of depression My husband has received only 1 month of PT which has done nothing for him, he is no better now that he was 10 months ago. He did received OT - which did help him in swallowing and trying to feed himself - but thats the only things they worked with. He was partially brush his teeth, which I let him do his part and then I finish for him, same with shaving. My husband is total care, 24-7, 365 days a year. I was told by several doctors that he will spend the rest of his life in a nursing home. I have recently started working with a company out of Philadelphia who provided "Independence Waivers" for disabled people who want to leave nursing facilties and return home. So far this is working out for my husband and I am hoping to have him home with me and the kids by Memorial Day Weekend. Once he is home he will receive PT 3 days a week and I have plans to get him involved in "water therapy."

I am looking forward to the day he comes home. I know that this is going to be difficult for me, caring for my husband, running the house and trying to continue to work. I am hoping that what should have be done for him in regards to therapy and was not is not too late. I am not going to give up - my husband has a really good attitude in regards to regaining what he once had. So everyday I pray to God to give me strength and be by my husband's side.