Recovery is definitely harder than I thought. Last week at OT, a different ot came in and rubbed some tendon in my arm and the pain went away like magic. It was amazing. It came from hurting so bad to actually feeling good. Now when I do my weight bearing I feel no pain (except my good arm getting tired from pressing down on my wrist). I was actully starting to think I was getting better. My ot gave me a new longer wrist support because she wants me to focus on my wrist right now. It keeps my wrist straighter but of course my fingers curl tighter so it's just a win/lose situation. I was kind of disappointed to find out I only have to more sessions left with OT. I still have no active movement in my wrist. I guess they were right. Im just not going to get any better
Over the weekend I traveled to Virginia Beach to visit a friend. I was so proud of myself. This was my first time traveling alone and it really made me feel good. I took the bus. With my duffel bag and purse on my arm, I got on and off the buses and figured my way around during the transfers. Since it was cold, I didn't have to worry about treading through the thick sand or people staring at my brace. We simply got icecream and walked on the boardwalk so I really enjoyed myself. It made me feel good to know that I can travel safely and independently even though I don't have a car. I really want to move out and now I am thinking maybe I can find an apartment that is on a bus route since I did so well taking the greyhound. I have an appointment with vocational rehab in a few weeks so hopefully I am on my way to independent living.
Now back to Ot/PT... Well unfortunately, the hardest meanest pt in all the land has decided to take over my PT sessions. She really pushes me. She loves pain. She taunts me to make me work faster. I just hate how everyone (family/friends of other oupatients) sitting in the waiting area stares at me! The grab bars and mats are like right in the middle of the gym so everything I do, everyone is looking straight at me. Today was very nerve wrecking. I almost started to cry. They took my brace off and made me go up and down stairs. It was 3 pt's holding me up in the middle of the floor while everyone staring trying to get me to lean to my left side while standing on my left leg. I kept thinking I was going to fall and they were pushing me to make me lean over but Im so scared I have to stay to my right side. I've relied on my right side for 10 years. I trust my left side "as far as I can see it" and seeing as how I have no left field vision in both eyes, THAT MAKES IT REALLY HARD TO TRUST IT. but they don't understand that. Its just a bunch of women yelling, telling me to relax, asking me where it hurts, telling me do this and do that but they dont know. I try as hard as I can but my brain is just scared to go to my left side. I just know Im going to fall especially without my brace. I think I have PT for 2 more weeks (twice a week) then it will all be over. I just feel discouraged. I never realized so many things were wrong with me. I thought I had been doing good all this time but I have so much to work on. I just wish I could magically get better because this is too much work for nothing