Kimaz2412 Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 Hello everyone. My mom had her stroke on May 1st and this is the first day I have not been to the hospital to see her. She herself said during yesterday's visit that my brother and I should begin alternating days so that we do not get too burnt out and such. I feel terribly guilty about not going to see her. Mom is single and so it is just my brother and I to see her. She does have friends that have visited her as well, but I feel terribly bad. I keep trying to remind myself that this is a loooong road and that I can't keep up this pace physically with my own full time job and family and GAS PRICES. Yikes! It is a 40 minute drive to her hospital, but just the same, I feel guilt, guilt, guilt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdewald Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Your mom loves you, I am sure..........Does your mom have a phone in her room? I suggest you just have a nice talk in person with your mom and tell her the situation. I am not a counselor by any means...But when I was in the hospital, I wanted to have breaks from family too...... Gives me some thinking time......But I'd forget what I was thinking about in 2 hours so it provided "down" time for me not to "put" on a show telling everyone I was okay, when I was like the pits. I enjoyed phone calls more than personal visits.....Many a time personal visits would create more stress on me because it made me "stay awake" rather than be rude, then I would feel like uhhhh, low.....Yeah, thats the word There is no need to feel guilty...Gee whizzers, almost a whole month, handling a job, kids, dinner, driving. That was commendable by any means...... Now if you get sick because of all the running around, how about your kids and family? Now what good are you doing anyone? Talk to your mom....make more phone calls rather than the drive.... Gas is atrocious and drivivng under stress you can't be paying full time and attention to the road.....Please, for the kids sake...talk to your mom...Moms are amazing on what they know... God Speed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Kim, Please please don't feel guilty about taking the time for your family and yourself. Remember, you're not Wonderwioman. As your Mom is aware and is telling you it's ok to stay home, do it - she's giving you permission to do so. That shows she's doing well. You've kept up this pace for a month - and who is going to care for you when you're too sick to be there for anyone. Talk to your Mom on the phone, as Chris mentioned. She's in a good facility so there's no reason for worry she's not being cared for. By the sounds of it, she'd be able to let you know if things weren't quite right there and then you could take appropriate action. As a suggestion too, make friends with the staff, so they will know you'll be following up on her care even when you're not bodily present every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arogers Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Dear Kim, As a caregiver myself I can understand your feelings of guilt. But, those feelings are not being placed on you by your mom or anybody else. Chris had some wonderful words of wisdom for you - as a survivor. Stroke recovery and caregiving is not like a sprint - we are all in a marathon. We caregivers must pace ourelves or we will get sick. My husband has had three stays in skilled nursing facilities the past two years and the reason has really been my exhaustion. Each time I have ended up ill and unable to even get out of bed for a day or two right after his admission to the SNF. As Chris said, what about your kids and/or your husband if you have an accident as a result of your exhaustion? We all need to be more responsible about our as usage, too. Your mom understands that. As has been suggested, if she has a phone in her room make a point of calling her - maybe even a couple of times throughout the day. But remember, she really does need her rest right now. Take care of yourself. You are important to many people. Warmly, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lliu Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 hi kim, your feelings of guilt are fully understandable and warranted. you want to be sure the people most important to you are taken care of, but you really don't need the stress. your post says a lot about the kind of person you are. your mom is in good hands and her suggestion that you and your brother alternate days to visit her is a positive sign that she is making progress. your mom needs the peace of mind that you don't push yourself. the expense and time incurred will take on toll on you, your wallet and your own family life. you have a husband and children who love and need you. you're a phone call away and it makes sense to stay in touch with your mom by phone rather than feel guilt because you can't be there. stay healthy and do what you need to do for the right reasons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stessie Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 I echo Chris' feedback. Please take care of yourself. You are important toward your mom's recovery and she needs for you to be healthy and strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimaz2412 Posted May 26, 2008 Author Share Posted May 26, 2008 Thank you everyone. I do feel better and I did call her twice yesterday and we did have good long talks and she was fine with me being at home. Today is my day and I am looking forward to going and spending some time with her so that will help as well! Chris, thanks for the realization that yes, she needs time to process to and my mom, in the best of circumstances, has always been a bit of a grumpy bear, so she probably does want time alone to just think and be without having to be too perky. I know myself that when I am in stressful situations I often would rather handle them myself and do it alone. So with one of us visiting each day and then calling when we aren't, we will be fine. She does want me to sneak in a candy bar today though... :laughbounce: Much love and peace to you all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdewald Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 So Glad to hear that !!!!!! I am so glad you thought it out and are handling it the way you are doing. Thanks for the feedback......Remember, we are always here for those who just want to come on in and share... Candybar? Hahahhahaha..OK, my friend smuggled in for me a Double Whopper with Cheese, but I got busted for it on the glucose meter !!!!! MEN !!!!! Harummph !!!! Best to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 Bless her heart. As I'm diabetic, I had the "special" yucky bland diet for consumption when I was in. My daughter too would sneak me small amounts of yummy things. There were times she was with me for meals and they would bring her a guest tray. If I played my cards right, as well as puppy dog eyes (she learned fromn the best), she'd sneak me a bite or too. No wonder there were times (not many though) I needed insulin injections in addition to my oral meds. Please give your Mom a hug from us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimaz2412 Posted May 28, 2008 Author Share Posted May 28, 2008 Oh yeah, she is a sneaker and working both sides, she asks my brother if the "Fish are biting" before he comes which is code for a McDonald's fish sandwich! When she was first in the hospital and swallowing was still an issue, she knew which of us would give her a sponge of water more often, always me, and then she tried to get me to sneak her Diet Coke! I ended up mixing it with the thicken, told her I was her new bartender. She knows how to work her kids! Little minx! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdewald Posted May 28, 2008 Share Posted May 28, 2008 Oh My !!!!! I wonder how much the glucose went up with the tarter sauce........I am lucky because I test my glucose in my numb hand,,,,Painless for sure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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