MissShannon Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 So happy i found you all, hope you can help! My father in law suffered his forth stroke (brain stem infarct) after a month of inpatient care and rehab he has come home. The stroke left him unable to swallow, so he has a feeding tube. He also can only do tiny bits of activity supervised. (short walks round the house with a walker) He does need constant supervision which one of us provides. Our problem is that he is not interested in doing anything anymore. He wont watch tv (which he loved before), play games, talk with family, read, paint/carve (he did alot of walking sticks and such) He just sits in the chair looking out the window, or complaining that hes bored So basically i am here hopeing that you guys have some suggestions. I need easy activities that wont make him feel stupid. I was thinking maybe some bead work or puzzles or maybe some wood models or model cars. Any help you could give would be really appreciated. The family looks to me for all the answers since I am the nurse and have been handling everything since i called the ambulance for him. Tired and out of ideas in hot bakersfield, Shannon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbosworth Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Welcome Shannon, After my mother's stroke, she lost interest in most things too. She loved TV before the stroke but found that it made her anxious after. She was an avid reader pre-stroke, but had no interest in reading after. One thing we found that she did like were the books on tape. You can get them from most libraries. She could close her eyes and listen. It seemed to relax her. I don't know if it will work for your father in law. It's a lot of trial and error finding things that they will enjoy. Good luck. Kathy B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest hostsmurf Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Miss Shannon it is not uncommon for the first few months post stroke that survivor internalized alot. It takes time for the him to come to turns with the "new " person that he has become. Emotion on the early phase of stroke tend be the most intense. Dont be surprised when a stroke survivor is alone he comes to terms by crying and emotional gate opens. As as Caregiver I urge you to be patient , We want our loveone to come back to "normal" but the recovery curve on stoke recovery is about 2 years and slow at best. It not written in stone but a general timeframe. As caregiver you are also affected by stroke it emotional toll on you etc. I urge to read the post and also we have a wonderful chat board for Caregivers. You also may drop in survivors chat room and they be very helpful and candid. I encourage that your father-in law do excercise with physio. There is saying " use it or lose it" the brain if not pushed to have excercise on body parts tend to shut that body imbolizing it.Beleive it tougher later to get to excersise to get the motion back. Its like going thru hell. If your father-in law is severley depressed and this not uncommon I suggest he see physician for anti- depressants. I encourage u to find your local stroke chapter and touch base with them . They can be helpful in recommendating to get father in law down to see he is not alone and have caregivers where you vent and help one another. The road for both of you is a hard one it we filled with great pleasures and deep hurts from stroke but I know you both be stronger for it. Kindest regards Gunter Wenzel alais HostSmurf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kj mcmeekin Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Hi Miss Shannon I am caregiver to my husband. When he came out of ICU you could immediately see that depression had settled in. All he did was sleep and when not sleeping worry and cry. I would first check with his doctors if this could be depression. This is a great site. Everyone here is very supportive and a wealth of information. Remember to Take Care of Yourself....... Stay in Touch and Let us know how things are going. Kim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toni Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Does your father-in-law go out for therapy? I know after my husband came home we had all out patient therapy. I think it made a big difference, in that he was forced to get out of the house. I also came up with some small projects he could do around the house, without me hovering over him. Does your father-in-law have grandkids? Maybe they could be "put in charge" of some kind of project for him to help them with. It could be doing puzzles, coloring, telling stories, reading to the kids, simple crafts, scrapbooks, etc. You could also ask for a recreational or occupational therapist to help you come up with some activities that he can do based on his skill level. Is there an adult day care center near by? I know that some places have an adult day care center within a hospital/nursing home center that could offer some of his therapy while he's there. You didn't say how old he was if he'd be offended by that idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosetta Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Welcome to the board Shannon. One thing I've finally learned 2 plus year later is that a stroke makes the survivor incredibly tired all the time. As a caregiver, I've had a hard time accepting this. My husband was always so energetic before. And physically active - hiking and cycling mainly. Hiking is still a reach, but thanks to this board I learned of a recumbent tricycle that is perfect for him. That's probably a bit premature for your father-in-law. I like the idea of getting the grandchildren involved. It's hard to ignore a direct question from a child. But mostly I think he may need to get out more. What about a day trip to the seashore? Join a support group if nothing else. My husband says the peer pressure from fellow survivors has helped his recovery as much as anything. I think it may have helped me even more. I wish I had more wisdom to offer. And I've been in Bakersfield in July. Keep cool and keep in touch. Rosetta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissShannon Posted July 25, 2005 Author Share Posted July 25, 2005 thanks for the encouragement! He is 64yrs old, and I think perhaps you guys are right that he could use some antidepressants. He wont play with his grandkids (doing puzzles/coloring/etc), refuses to go to the senior center, but does seem to enjoy the idea of doing some bead stringing. We told him we would put the beads up on ebay for him, that really seemed to spark his interest, I think he liked the idea of being productive at something so now i am searching thru the arts and crafts store for easy ideas. I can only imagine what a loss he must feel, he cannot swallow and requires continous feeding thru his feeding tube........cannot walk well with the walker unassisted, and recently his blood pressure has been bottoming out (dropping to about 80/40 ish) with the little walks we did around his house. Well off to take him to some doctors appointments before work tonight, thanks for the wonderful support i cant begin to tell you how nice it is Shannon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissShannon Posted July 29, 2005 Author Share Posted July 29, 2005 well the last few days have been bad ones...........it seems that his brain stem is no longer able to tell the veins in his legs to constrict when he stands up, so his bloodpressure drops when standing to about 70/34ish. We did get an order for antidepressants (thanks so much cant believe i hadnt thought of that) so hoping those help some. I am still dragging him out to OT/PT/speech although he doesnt want to participate. He keeps saying that he just wants to die if he cant drink (the stroke left him unable to swallow, and they are talking of dropping him from speech since a month and half he has made no progress in swallowing, they think it is a permanent loss) It also has been very difficult, my in laws lived up on a dirt road in the mountains so we had to move them down here (at our cost for their rental) we have provided all the in home rehab / adaptive aids for the house as well. The trouble is my mother in law has a cat addiction (seriously over 300) and all she can speak of is resentment at my father in law for ruining her life, and keeping her from her cats. She leaves for 6hrs a day to go care for the cats and comes home angry and resentful. We offered to take my father in law into our house, but it would break his heart to be away from her and she wont do it for fear of "looking like the bad guy, what would everyone think of her" I cant help but feel angry at her now (which is just not me), we all gave things up when this happened so we could be there for my father in law yet we arent negative and whiny. My husband and i canceled our move to hawaii ( my dream since i graduated college) and my brother in law moved in with us, so that we could take turns staying with my father in law. I agreed to be oncall 24/7 so that we could decline home health so that medicare would pay for outpatient therapy. My goodness, I'm rambling...........my apologies Guess i'm just looking for hope, things seem a bit dark you all truly are a blessing Shannon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Oh my, you definately have your hands full... Sounds like it would be better if she stayed up there with her cats, at least you wouldn't have to listen to her whine, and I am sure your father in law can feel her resentment. If she whines now and lets everyone know how resentful why would anyone think less..will she go to a psychologist..sounds like she needs help too... can the 2 sons set her down and talk to her about this? truly wishing you the very best...... Bonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissShannon Posted July 29, 2005 Author Share Posted July 29, 2005 Her two sons have sat down and talked with her several times, counseling might be a good idea.......maybe i'll mention that, she could go and vent to someone safe and have some time off! who knows it might work, i was thinking of a puppy hehe to distract her =P Thanks Bonnie! sincerely, shannon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kj mcmeekin Posted August 1, 2005 Share Posted August 1, 2005 Shannon: I think it's not right that your mother-in-law made that comment. I can imagine how your father-in-law felt. She sounds like she could be going through some stages, depression, anger etc., etc. I agree if she would agree counseling could help her. If she wants to go spend time with her cats, O.K., that's her time to get away, which all caregivers need, but she needs to understand that this is not your FIL's fault that this happened and her comments only make him feel guilty and they are certaintly not helping in his recovery. Don't give up on his progress - I was told that after 3 weeks of PT/OT at the nursing home that my husband hit his plateau and would never get any better. He is now 1 year post stroke and has again been receiving PT and OT and has been making great improvement in just 8 short weeks. Good Things Take Time and Miracles Do Happen!!!!!!! Keep encouraging him.................. Kim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristina38 Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 300 CATS????? Not to take this thread off topic but if she truly keeps this many cats she needs HELP. That is a serious disorder called hoarding...I was a volunteer for the Humane Society so have dealt with this to some degree and usually the state ends up getting involved with people like this. Please try to get her some professional help as she truly needs it. Kristina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissShannon Posted August 4, 2005 Author Share Posted August 4, 2005 Yes we have removed (well talked her into the necessity to move down) her from the house, it became obvious that she has issues.......... over 100boxes of ceral, boxes of food stacked in the various sheds, 123 watches, it was ..........how to say it..........amazing. But Kristina atm i have my hands full with her husband, he just had to go back to the hospital (thankfully he is out of ICU now) but now is confused and has taken several steps backwards. But we have worked with rescue agencies to find places for the cats (no small feat or expense) the poor things, i know she didnt mean to hurt them but it just wasnt right to have that many there. Anyways, keep us in your thoughts and prayers please........I am at the end of my rope atm, we are looking for a new house that can hold all of us, but I am seriously having trouble working my mind around living with her for an indefinate period. And Pete (my father in law) needs all the prayers he can get........he now doesnt even remember who he is, cant walk, has aspiration pnuemonia, and they are talking dialysis...... Will update you all later Love you guys!!!! Shannon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristina38 Posted August 4, 2005 Share Posted August 4, 2005 Shannon you are in my prayers and I understand fully the feeling of being overwhelmed as I'm my Mom's caregiver and it is truly the most difficult job there is. As to your MIL, I understand she was truly trying to help the animals and meant them no harm, hoarders of animals always do it out of care and concern for the animals they just don't realize they aren't helping by allowing them to breed and make more animals. I can also empathize with your trepidation about living with your MIL lol...I got the two for one deal when I moved to Florida to take care of my Mom post stroke and got my 74 year old Uncle in the deal as he lives at her house as well...Best of luck to you and if you need to vent feel free to PM me or post back here again, we all need to vent now and this is a great place to do it. Kristina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted September 3, 2005 Share Posted September 3, 2005 Shannon, You mentioned refusing in home care so you could use out patient therapy. Could you tell me more. I am bringing my husband home in 7 days and the social worker suggested using in home care to see how he adjusts and then if I want to change, get him in an out patient rehab at the local hospital. Also does anyone know anything about medicare not paying for therapist, after December 31st that are not affiliated with a hospital. Thanks, Betsy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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