richman Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 I am embarrassed that, thanks to a stroke, I'm suffering an early form of dementia at the ripe old age of 51, while most of my friends are in their prime mentally, financially, and physically. I've had a relationship with the best woman I could ever hope to meet in this life destroyed by a stroke. She has broken down sobbing, realizing what has happened to me, saying that the person she loved "died". I've requested that a neurologist write a letter excusing me from Jury Duty, and the excuse was accepted. I've never asked to be excused from any court matter before in my life, and I've been a jury foreman before this happened to me. My disability is not obvious physically (I'm not in a wheelchair or using a cane), but I'm mentally disabled nonetheless. So, the short answer is yes, I am embarrassed, bewildered, depressed, and suicidal about this (at times). Cancer patients have hope that their disease will go into remission, or, even better, cured. A stroke is a permanent life sentence. -Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hemideb Posted December 30, 2006 Share Posted December 30, 2006 Yes, I've felt it but never admitted it before. No one has ever asked me this question. I think it depends on how you viewed yourself pre-stroke. For me, my self-worth was always primarily been about my brain. I know that sounds funny, but I am a highly educated woman and I work in a field where my skills are entirely cognitive... and now that I have had the stroke, my ability to do my job is not only an issue, but it becomes an ethical question for the future. If my judgment becomes impaired I must not do my job. Period. A stroke is an acquired brain injury. My sharpness, my memory, my skills, ME.... it's been damaged. I don't feel at fault, but I feel "less than" and I don't want anyone else to see me that way. I am extremely grateful for the support staff around me. I'm still good at what I do. I am still doing everything (okay, almost) I used to do, just much less of it. But I need help with simple tasks now, and depend on others for that. I get confused, I get lost in a sense. It's not all negative, I'm not saying that. I am lucky and have a good life. But yes, there is a sense of shame about being "damaged." And about having a fear of the 'next one' that I never had before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arogers Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 Jean, Funny how topics recycle, isn't it? Just goes to show you there's 'nothing new under the stars'!!! Your post about those who should be able to see a need for some accommodation hit home with me. Bill and I eat out real often. His gate and use of a cane are pretty obvious. Last Friday evening we went to a restaurant we eat at regularly and the little hostess asked if it would be alright to be seated in the "wine cellar" - a room at the far end of the restaurant. That trek would have meant Bill weaving in and out of tables the entire length of the restaurant. I just looked at her. I told her no, it wouldn't be ok and that we'd like to wait for a closer table. One of the other hostesses gave us a short "that's the only table available right now" to which I replied we would wait for the next table. Now, we've eaten at this restaurant many times and this is the first time we've had any problem. I didn't feel obliged to go into any details about why it wouldn't work - it was obvious. It must have been the night, but Bill went to the restroom and for the first time ever I saw a teenage boy - with a group of 10 or 12 kids eating out - make fun of his walk. I nearly got up and went over to explain the facts of life to this kid, but when I saw the reaction of the other kids I didn't feel it was necessary. Not ONE of them found any humor in his antics. (I doubt I would really have gone over and caused a scene because I would have had to explain to Bill why we'd been kicked out of the restaurant while he went to the bathroom!!!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phyllis4732 Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 It was sad that the hostesses apparently are brain dead. People don't use canes to be fashionable; shouldn't that have told them something? I imagine sensitivity classes aren't as important as learning to place a menu in front of people - then again, %wise, I'd say a good many people are insensitive- often until they find themselves in the same place, As for the teen-agers, one bad apple wasn't a bad %. True o% would have been better. It was nice though that the others reacted as they did. I hope in the end you got to enjoy your meal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lwisman Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 A woman in church this morning asked me about my blue Stroke Network band, which I wear most of the time. I rarely get asked about it. For me it is a reminder to myself. Anyway, as I was talking with her I realized that she asked because she wanted to know my story. I find these days my story is a great way to lead into stroke education. I figure if they are crazy enough to want to know my story I can be crazy enough to use it as a teaching opportunity. :big_grin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hmmblue Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 I'm pretty new 2 the whole stroke thing. I feel sick when I see people staring and looking at me like I'm an alien. My speach is slured. And the best of all I have uncontrolable crying spells. I have a shuffle when I walk. Soooo I'm at the groc store shuffling down the ile crying and sluring my words. (and I wonder why people are staring)! Sometimes I stare at myself in the mirror. So how can I expect others not to stare. Yes when people here me speak they turn away or stare off. I realy don't know how I feel. I'm completly ashamed of this new person I wish I could get it togeth. I don't know how to handle any of this yet. Wow I sound so negitive sorry about the spelling Thanks for listning Blue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady k Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 i am not embarrassed by it but then my speech was not really affected, however one of the most embarrassing things ever happened just after i was released from the hospital, i went to the restroom all by myself, :bouncing_off_wall: and when i was leaving i had got the end of the paper pulled up in the back of my pants, :oops: i have hardly any feeling on the left hence did not feel it, so when i walked out i was trailing several feet of white tail, and the order line for the subway was all facing the hallway i came down fluttering my tail, a kindly gentleman pointed it out to me i detached it and left as quickly as i could Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merichsen Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 Sherry, First, this may help you better understand the crying http://www.ieed.org/pc/about/ Secondly, people are probably just staring at your dazzling beauty but you're just self conscious because of your stroke. Wouldn't you have more sense than to stare if you knew that someone had a problem or handicap? Then look how much better off than them you are... who is really at the disadvantage? Keep chuggin' along kid it makes you stronger in the end Maria :friends: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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