pspeed Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 my husband had a stroke in August of this year. It was a brain stem stroke, but a mild one we are told. He has some issues with balance, eyesight and the biggest issue for me is his patience..he has none...and his temper. He has some short term memory problems..and convincing him of this is the problem. He has become verbally abusive...he can't yell at just anyone..but he can sure yell at me. He gets upset over the silliest things....nothing anyone else would waste time being upset over. Is this normal after this kind of stroke? He is only 45 and I know he is tired of being sick, tired of having me drive him around all day, tired of relying on someone else...but I truly have been cheerful about doing it all. does the man need an antidepressant? a happy pill? a valium drip or what? thanks, patti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spokangie Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Hi Patti It is a possibility that it was the stroke but I am no Dr.. There should be a topic on anger and frustration that may help you understand better..One question was he like this before the stroke, did he loose his patience very easily.. He may just be frightened and responding in only way he thinks he can.. When my husband looses his patience and shouts out a very loud :Damn: I have began by shouting back at him. "what's wrong did I hurt you" . He notices my tone of voice and gives me a hug and an appologetic grin..My husband has no speech his stroke affected his ability to form words and express them..He does come up with small sentences but mostly they don't make sense, I sort of have to guess the answer.. Why don't you try and get him to read some of the posts of Strokers here, maybe when he sees how fortunate he was that his was a mild one, he might have a better perspective of how to deal with his emotions..Having said that I do think that you should talk to your Dr. it could be that he needs a antidepressant. My husband was put on one in Rehab " {Paxil}..It has worked wonders for him, it is a small dose 20mg once a day.. He was left pretty disabled and discouraged too..He was an Engeneer for the Federal Government. His job meant a lot to him..He couldn't bear to go to his own retirement because he was embarassed of his lack of mobility and speech.. Hope things improve for you, understand though ilness is no excuse for any kind of abuse, be it verbal or physical. The earlier you get a handle on it the better off you both will be.. Take care Angie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tom71 Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Patti, I'm a stroke survivor, and I too sometimes have a problem with patience, It definitely is because of the stroke, and yes it sounds like he needs an anti- depressant, or (happy pill) as you put it, he has alot to deal with so he probably doesn't realize he is being abusive. God Bless you both, Tom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Hi Patti I am a survivor. I am on an antidepressantdaily and an anti anxiety medication which I use very little of. I usually take one a bed time and 1/2 of one if I am getting overwhelmed or upset. I think sometimes when I go to say something it comes out to loud or with the wrong tone. my husabnd says you don't have to yell or are you mad? I said I didn't mean it to come out like that, it is usually when I am focused on something or doing something else and he asks me a question. seems like my brain can't handle two things at once anymore. At first I was frustrated at what I couldn't do, things that had been easy for me before stroke. It takes a while to adjust and accept this. It can be quite frustraiting because you know you should be able to do it.. you did it before.. Takes a while to re learn things, and to actually accept that your brain isn't responding the way it used to. In classic postings is "A Letter From Your Brain" I think it is great and I even printed out a copy and took to my doctor. Best Wishes to you, recovery takes time and it is hard to be "the scape goat" Bonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marlen Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 PATTI, HOW EASY IT IS TO FEEL FRUSTRATED AND TO TAKE YOUR ANGER OUT ON THE PERSON WHO DOES THE MOST FOR YOU. I HAVE MY RARE MOMENTS OF FRUSTRATION, BUT I FOUND IT'S NOT SO BAD HAVING SOMEONE DO THINGS FOR ME. I'VE ALWAYS HAD A GREAT DISPOSITION AND EVEN TEMPERAMENT. HOWEVER THE DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY PUT ME ON PAXIL "JUST IN CASE". I GUESS THE "JUST IN CASE" WAS SO I WOULDN'T DO HIM BODILY HARM. THE ONE THING MY WIFE HAS NOTICED IS THAT I SPEAK MY MIND. NOTHING HELD BACK. IT SURE FEELS GOOD TO FINALLY SAY THE THINGS I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY, BUT DIDN'T. MAYBE HE DOES NEED A MED, BUT THAT'S UP TO THE DOCTOR. HOPEFULLY HE WILL FIND THAT HE CAN EXIST IN THIS NEW WORLD OF HIS, AND HE MAY AS WELL DIVE IN AND ENJOY EACH DAY. GOOD LUCK TO BOTH OF YOU. 007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pspeed Posted October 20, 2005 Author Share Posted October 20, 2005 thank you all for your encouragement and compassion. My husband ws the most patient man in the world before the stroke. He used to talk kinda like John Wayne..that slow southern drawl, but now he speaks fast. He almost runs when he walks...I think it helps him keep his balance if he walks faster? It is so strange how a stroke can re wire a brain like this. We are really blessed that the stroke did not cause more damage..we are told by all the Drs. that he is a miracle man. Sometimes that is not what I am thinking when he verbally lashes out . I try hard to place myself in his shoes but unless you have actually had the stroke, that is difficult to do. You are all very sweet to offer the advice. I will definately speak to the doctor..which the husband will not take kindly to...cause he says he isn't acting any differently at all. I know from reading all the postings that time is what is needed......has anyone figured out a way to re-wire the clock? lol patti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fking Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Patti, you know John Wayne was one tuff dude, he beat cancer for a long time. Maybe your husband has that tuff guy feeling in his mind. This time the Dr's could be right in him being a miracle man. This is my first time hearing of a stroke survivor walking that fast. He is blessed, and I hope he can recover real soon. About the only thing I could do to re-wire the clock is replace the batteries. I am a very slow walker with or without my cane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pprovost Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Hi Patti, Your hubby is probably doing some form of grieving. No matter how mild the stroke there is always a loss. Anger is one of the stages of grief and my guess is that he will pass through this as he does his rehabilitation. Don't overlook the possibility that you may have some very legitimate grieving to do too. I really got a lot of benefit with a combination of counselling and antidepressant ( Zoloft). Half of the battle is being made aware of what is happening. His behavior is definitely something his doctor needs to know about. Otherwise if it goes untreated he will have to endure more fatigue than he really needs to and so will you. Good Luck and be well Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pspeed Posted October 28, 2005 Author Share Posted October 28, 2005 ..I only feel like bopping him on the head now every other day! lol The Dr put him on Zoloft and we are waiting for it's full effects. Thanks again to all that replied to my earlier rantings. Patti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tom71 Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Patti, I too have better balance when walking quickly, My wife had to have knee surgery earlier in the year and when we would go for walks together if I tried to walk as slow as her it would cause me to lose my balance and almost fall. so normally I would have to walk way out in front of her and wait on her to catch up which made me feel bad since she was on crutches. God Bless, Tom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strokesurvivormatt Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 hi i'm a stroke survivor and i also have a great problem with patience but the trouble is i can't stop it, it got me down so i went on anti-depressants, which helped a bit it really upsets me because i shout at the people who are caring for me and i can see that it hurts them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
judyzoli Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 I was shy before the stroke but now I am leaner and meaner......He will adjust, just takes time. hugs and prayers Also take time for yourself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christalpet Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 patti, I'm a caregiver also and am dealing with the same thing you are talking about. My husband had a stroke in April, 2005. He is 37 and I'm 42. Sometimes the things he gets angry about make no sense to me, but his anger is real. He stays angry about things for much longer than he used to before the stroke. He keeps saying he needs to stay positive and be around positive people, but he is the most negetive thing around him. Just wanted you to know that I'm here and understand....not much help though, as I'm new at handling this myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kkholt Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 Hi Patti, Looks like you've gotten a lot of good advice here. The emotional changes from a stroke are harder for me to deal with, than the obvious physical ones. My husband worries more about things than he used to - he was very laid back before his stroke - and now he frets about things. He doesn't seem to get angry, and he definitely raises his voice a lot less. However I have a friend whose Dad recently had a stroke that seems to have similar issues to your husband. He is very impatient with people now, and moves at a lot faster pace than he used to. Love them happy pills! Good luck, -Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jwatrous Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 Hi, Patti: sounds like you are doing a great job, in a very tough situation - If I were you, I'd go with him for his next doc.'s appt. & discuss these issues, just maybe they can help him with these issues & in turn this will help you June Cecile, from CT [1985 stroke survivor] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whammy Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 hi patty my name is pam my partner had a stroke june last year a masive cva stroke also in the brain stem he was very depressed for the first few months but he has it under controll pretty much now only one outburst in 2 months he is on antidepressants 2 a day which i no help once they kicked in im wondering is your husband on any because it is a big shock to the brain as you know my john is only 41 was never sick a hard worker and very active it has not changed his attitude at all he was and still is as calm as ever which suprises me he dosnt lose his temper at all so i am luckt there i would like to chat to u some more if possible pamela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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