HostAsha Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 today since I was forced to read message board since blogs were unavailable, read some interesting posts which made me think(does not happen very often :big_grin: ) so please bear with my posting techniques on message boards still rookie there, anyway read some post where family member is still in nursing home, and kid feeling all pressure that got me thinking why some survivors recover the way they recover, is it family support, I know doctors say all strokes are different and the way you recover is based on your damage, when I was in hospital doctors kept on refering that I had massive stroke, is it that some patients give up hope that's why they don't recover, according to some reports walking abilities are easy to recover since we walk more, so hand is hardest to recover, these are all quotations from doctors I have heard during my stroke journey. For me in my recovery my family played major role though after coming home for a single day I was not dependent on my family, it was good feeling to know I have help if I needed one. what am I trying to say. is that people don't recover from stroke cause maybe their family was quick enough to give up hope on them and ship them to nursing home where getting any therapy I presume will require patient advocate. so is it family plays important part in your recovery Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 I never went to a hospital or rehab. I was treated in the office after MRI..then came home. I don't have much memory of the next couple weeks.. some but not a lot. My family was very supportive and excited when I was able to do something on my own. I started PT and that was extremely helpful with the encouragement from the therapist and family I don't know where I would be.. I know I have would made some recovery.. I am stubborn, but I don;t think I would be where I am today. Bonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spokangie Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 :Hi: Yes of course family intervention is very helpfull to ones recovery..Some of us have it some don't..I had my familys support from the start, that did not turn out to be the case with his side of the family..Everyone wanted to be involved. A lot of talking but no action was ever taken..OH well, it is in the past now.. With every hospitalization for one reason or another I am always told what a great Caregiver I am to my husband..that he is fortunate to have a such loving caring wife.. When I ask to stay the night in his room, they are more than helpful to have me comfortable for the night, or as long as it takes..They tell me that they wish more spouses or family memebers would stay..Patients do better knowing that a family member whether be a spouse of sibling, heal quicker.. It takes the burden of them that I can help out a little..I do it so that my husband doesn't have to wait a half hour for someone to hold the urinal for him, or go in his pants,,I don't mind helping out.. That goes for at home care too. Even though I am not as close as I used to be with his family, I still encourage them to come and visit. Spend some time with him, especaially his siblings..Unfortuantely it falls on deaf ears, the only time that they come is when he is in the hospital for one reason or other.. Oh well their loss..I try and get my family to come viist often and interact with, him,,my girls adore him and he shows them he cares too..He rewards them with a big smile and twinkling eyes. LOVE heals..FAITH..heals HOPE...heals.. Good night Angie :Zzzz: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
srademacher Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 Without the family support and my support, I honestly believe Gary wouldn't be here. If we had placed him in a nursing home as they suggested when he left rehab, he would have given up. There's not a nursing home on this earth that could have provided the kind of one-on-one care he has received since coming home, and he knows that and appreciates it every day. As difficult as the job seems at times, I know that if he had gone to a nursing home, he would have been kept drugged so they wouldn't have to deal with him daily, he would have been left laying in bed to the point that he couldn't get help to use the urinal so would have probably become totally incontinent, and that would have killed his spirit. After seeing some of the neglect in nursing care at rehab, there was no way I would have placed him in a nursing home. Sarah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lwisman Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 Yes, I think family support is important. I also know in my case I had a tremendous will to live. This played a valuable role in my recovery. I remember consciously deciding that I would fight. That was several months after the stroke, seeing as how I remember nothing from the first 2 1/2 months. It is obvious, however, that I made an unconscious decision to fight also. Have no idea why. I say I inherited this tendency from my grandmother who survived kidney removal (in 1938 when medicine was not today's medicine), several heart attacks, diabetes, etc. She finally died from leukemia when she was 82. It was obvious when she gave up fighting, about a week before she died. Anyway, my point is that the will of the patient as well as their willingness to work at recovery makes a huge difference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sktlwsk Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 My personal opinion is that family is THE MOST IMPORTANT factor in recovery. I was in Tokyo when my wife had her stroke, and my parents drove 1100 miles from Buffalo to Oklahoma and almost beat me to the hospital. They stayed from Nov 03 through May 04, taking care of the household chores while I handled my wife's situation. Without that, I would have been lost. Our kids grew up real fast, doing stuff that most people will never face in their lives. Can most 16 year old boys give their mothers a shower? How about 17 year old girls taking mom to the bathroom, cooking, cleaning,and laundry. My older son (25) moved back into the house to take care of business while I'm out on trips. (I'm an airline pilot) I grew up in a tight family, and always taught my kids that we are the ones that MUST take care of each other. This is a group effort and the more people a caregiver can get to help makes the recovery process easier for both the survivor and those that provide the support. Faced with the demands of medical care, therapy, and day to day life, I can't imagine going it alone. I'd have to quit my job. If folks have problems, my suggestion is to take a long, hard look at what is really the cause and try to find a solution. Family is blood, and most troubles can be overcome. Might have to swallow some pride, and ask for some help. I'm very blessed with my family structure, and wish everyone could have the same support. Anyways, that's my .02. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sktlwsk Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 WHOA!!! Time Out! I'm not replying to YOU personally. I'm not saying anything to anyone in a specific way or manner. There is no judgement or contempt toward you or anyone else. I reread my post and can't see where it is offensive or judgemental. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slmstrokeangel Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 I credit my husband with my recovery. I don't think my family would have done as much as he did. None of them traveled to visit me or anything. My son stayed with me (I don't remember it) while John hadd to get out to the store and errands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest joy Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 I feel like family is important but not totally necessary. Between my husband and I we have four daughters. My oldest daughter is very attentive to Hans, the middle one is moderately so as is the youngest. His daughter on the other hand rarely visits and calls about 3 times a year. My dad and his wife are supportive but really feel like Hans needs to be back in the nursing facility. That is not going to happen as long as I am able to care for him at home. We depend on my daughters for a lot and they gladly do whatever it is that we need. Without their help and support, I could not make it as a caregiver. I think their concern and visits when he was in the hospital, initially and subsequently, have been a big part in his recovery. Family is important to us in our ongoing survival but I can see where if you don't have it, you still can make it. We also have a wonderful Church Family that supports us emotionally and helps some with Hans. Just my feelings, Joy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swilkinson Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 This question I think depends on how far out you are from the originl incapacitating stroke. We have had 61/2 years since Ray's majors and a lots of ups and downs in that period. We have a loving family, children and grandchildren. They have varying amounts of time to give us, try to do more if we are in a traumatic situation than if we are going along day by day. We try not to demand too much from our children and be grateful for all the positive interaction we have with them. Ray's brothers and sisters are not so supportive but have some family problems of their own to deal with. We all give as much as we are able to, according to our own reference points. I expect more from those who call themselves people of faith than from those who don't, hoping that they live in the spirit of charity that I beleve in myself. But being disappointed in them or disapproving of them has never helped. A lot of people have provided support to Ray and I over many years including friendly strangers who hold open doors,offer to push the wheelchair or just chat from the next table while we enjoy a coffee at the club. Our church family have often helped too and I appreciate them for what they are willing to offer. I think Asha that help accepted with a good spirit adds to anyone's recovery whether it comes from family or friends or caring professionals going that extra way towards helping you in rehab. Sue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calendulady Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 :Nodding: My husband has been the main support during my recovery. I wouldn't expect anything less from him, as we have been supportive of each other throughout our 27-1/2 years of marriage. My daughter is happy to help IF she doesn't have other plans, but mainly she has been taking care of herself and planning her next step in her life. In fact, she is moving to her first apartment tomorrow. I never expected the empty nest to come about like this. But I need to keep reminding myself that she really doesn't owe me anything at this time. I had thought that she might have been more help to her Dad during this trying time. These feelings not only make me sad, but mostly I feel guilty for having these feelings. I thought I had many, many friends pre-stroke. But since the stroke I have had visits from only one friend. I value her support tremendously. She has taken me out for car rides and lunch on three ocassions. My husband, Doug, has been able to concentrate on some of his own needs while I am away. My sister surprised me with a phone call yesterday - she is coming to visit me the first week in February, from her home in New Hampshire. We haven't seen each other in more than 6 years, so the time together may be a little awkward. Sometimes I type like I talk - wandering way off topic. :nuhuh: :nuhuh: :nuhuh: I guess my point is that any positive support I can find is more important than the fact that there are few family members involved in that support. :Ponder: Debbie Stroke Survivor 9/11/05 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest strokesimon Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 I dont think family help matters much, i cant stand my family, & i wouldnt ask them for anything, or any help. When i had my 2 strokes, i couldnt move at all..........but now in walking & talking, i think all you need is mates to help you along the way, & a positive mental attitude! Ive never had any time for my family since i was 17, im now 34..........you can choose your friends, but not your family....shame! My family has their heads so far up their own asses, i dunno where they start or end! Oh well...........! Simon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kkholt Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 Oh yeah -- I think family is important. However we all likely have friends that are as and in some cases more supportive than family. Most people in Alaska, didn't grow up here, so their family is thousands of miles away. Those people usually develop strong friendships in their communities as Alaska is not a place you can live alone. It is too harsh, you always have the possibility of needing to depend on your neighbor. Your life depends on it. I happen to have been born and raised here, and most of my family still lives here. My husband although not born here, was raised here from the age of 8. All I can say, is the help and support from our families was tremendous. AND the help and support from the community we live and from my husbands profession was tremendous. While I used all my energy to help my husband, my family and friends used a lot of their energy to help me. My husbands brother and sister-in-law opened their house to us, and were there everytime we turned around. Rob's rehab doctor believes he sees the most sucess from patients who have a triangle of - belief they will get better (attitude), hard work, and a strong family (community) support system. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jriva Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 I wouldn't have gotten through the first few months of my husband's stroke without the support of both family and friends. In the first three weeks my brother-in-law and sister-in-law were right by my side, bringing me meals, helping with the tough decisions and helping in any way they could. Then after Don was moved to a sub-acute nursing home, family and friends volunteered to sign up for a tag team that came twice a day for 4-5 weeks straight to provide extra therapies for Don. They hung right in there and it paid off. Without them, he would have never been given another chance at rehab as he'd already been pronounced a 'vegetable for life' by two top nuerologists at one of the leading rehab hospitals in the country. The third rehab doctor who came to re-evaluate him after our tag team did its thing said that our tag team was one of the determining factors that made him give Don that second chance. The other factor was that he could see it in Don's eyes that he worked hard at his recovery. So, to answer Asha's orginial question: Yes, family support was key in my husband's recovery process. Without it he would would have rotted slowly away in a nursing home and would probably be dead by now---5 1/2 years out from the stroke. Jean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 Sandy, please let John know, that the friends here support him. I am wishing him the best at Mt. Sinia program and will anxiously await progress reports.. We are "family" here with understanding and great cheerleading capabilities!! Bonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jkirshenbaum Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Whew! There are a lot stories out there in "Stroke City." For myself, I can say only that my family -- sister and husband-- were mighty saviors with emotional support and love. My late mother, who had been in a nursing home, had the oddest response when I told her over the phone that I had a stroke. She said, "well, Jean, I hope things work out for you." Understandably, at 82 and in a nursing home, there was not much she could actually to support and help me, but her reaction was a little cold, no? I actually laughed after I got off the phone. I am so sorry to read the stories or people's families who were so uncaring and even cruel. Jean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staavos Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 I think it is important to have family support. my husband had his stroke in Holland where he is from and where his family is and they gave up. They thought he should live in a nursing home and never come home. they gave up that he would ever walk, use the right side of his body or even talk right again. and he seemed to not excel at anything and just go through some of the motions of the living. Well when all things went from bad to worse and we had to move out of Holland and him away from his family he has excelled! he can walk with a normal cane and is working on walking without one. he doesn't really go in the wheelchair much when we are out anymore and doesn't go in it at all at home, he is talking more and can express himself very well and have an arguement if he wants. He is using the right arm and the his hand is waking up more. I think if we would have stayed in Holland and around his family's negative infulence he would not be where he is today. They had him believe that he needed a nursing home and that he won't ever really walk much and never use his right arm again. I would not let that happen. He is only 37 years old and I would not let him give up on himself. and my family gives hiim encouragement also - so yes I really believe that it does influence the outcome. :forgive_me?: Bobbie Jo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merichsen Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 i'm not quite sure, asha, i had a tremendous amount of support and help and don't know how well i would have faired, but i'sd like to think i'd have figured it out. i've always been a strong willed fighter and survivor. my mother took a years leave of absence from work, and my fiancee drove me to therapy 4 times a week..dropped me off, went to work then came back in the afternoon to pick me up (60 miles each way) i wouldn't have been able to get there without him. he also does the laundry, cooks and helps take care of my boys. without him and mymother,i don't know how i would have taken care of my kids and i am eternally grateful to them for the sacrifices they made that enabled me to focus my efforts on recovery. once again, in answer to your question i don't know, as i can only speak from experience, but i am blessed and grateful i had them maria Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janiem Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 As with everything, there is no "right" answer. I think everyone is different, as each of our strokes were different because they were a combination of so many facts. But I think that the support of family in some form (whether it be actual relatives or generally, any supportive people attached to us) can certainly not be a bad thing. Physically, I am so very grateful that I had support of my family to see to my needs. I would not have been able to be independent right away. They chose to put me in an aggressive program for physical therapy (6 days a week initially), so even though I am still restricted physically, I made enormous progress. Mentally, I would not have survived without my family and family-like support people, this site included high on that list. A lot of my challenges have been made more easy or more difficult by my mental attitude, which is also affected by others' attitudes towards me. No matter where I would have been placed for my therapy, I would not have done as well without the additional mental support. Janie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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