Guest hostsmurf Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 I was at our local chapter " In your Prime Meeting" which is held once a month for survivors to discuss there life and how things are going. There was approximately 22 members split almost evenly of both genders. A member put a topic in jar that they " want to dicuss" nothing is off limits. I picked one piece of paper out of the jar. I read the Topic " Would you as aurvivor if curcumstances change " DATE "a Survivor or Marry and or have a Realationship with a survivor. The comments on this was interesting to say the least. Remember this was " what if" 1. Most survivors said that they would "date " if the survior was not highly disabilated. 2. Some said no problem even if other needed 24 homecare. They said the need to be "wanted and loved " was the most important aspect. 3. " other joked " Misery loves company" 4. Others said " no way cause they already felt burnden enough. 5. Some question how other other survivor famly would think about them have a realationship, never mind there own. 6. " Men seemed to be more open in getting involved in a realationship. 7. women tend be resevered on this. One women said " the mama boy affect " someone to clean up etc after them. So the bottom line here I like to hear what you have to say on the subject. Thanks for reading and Take care folks HostSmurf ( Gunter ) or G Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jstern Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Hi, G, I thank God I don't have to even wonder about such things. Dating sucks big time!. I was 31 when my hubby and I met and married. But if I was single again, to answer your question, it would depend on that person's limitations...would I be able to assist or would I just be 'in the way'. My limitations wouldn't allow me to offer much in the way of taking care of someone else. But if there wasn't a would I be able to take care of them, I'd say yes, after all, the point of a relationship is companionship and to share love. It's the heart not the exterior that's important. Also, I think it would require a great deal of self confidence to 'take on' someone else who has a handicap. I'm not so sure about what someone else thinks, but what I think about myself is what's important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garydotgray Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Hi G A very interesting question. Personally I have no desire to be involved in any kind of marital relationship. I have been separated from my wife for over ten years now (the last three and a half as a survivor). I have never had any desire during that time to become involved. (romantically, mommy replacement or constant companion) I am an independent person with tons of friends and lots to do. I have homecare three times a week and my cleaning lady comes in once a month. The occasional meal/treat finds it's way to my door. (With good friends and neighbours I really don't miss those ice cold feet on my back at night) LOL If I need someone to talk to all I have to do is ask. A warm embrace is not far off either. I usually join friends about once a month for a nice meal (that I didn't have to cook) good conversation and association. All of this is in addition to all of the great friends and fellow stroke associates here at Strokenet. So to me I am very blessed with a balanced life so why ruin a good thing. I recently read this article entitled "alone but not lonely". I found that it helped me focus on being able to enjoy a happy balanced life. (without the baggage of relationships) I would like to share it with you and all of my stroke buddies. http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2004/6/8/article_01.htm Thanks for listening. This is just my personal opinion and you may not agree. comments are most welcome. Smiles Gary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fking Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 Mr G, I'm not up on the quote button, but to answer the question,"would you as a survivor, if circumstances changed, "date" or marry a survivor or have a relationship, What if." My opinion and what if their condition was one that could be handled by me being a survivor as well. Otherwise it would be the blind leading the blind, but if the condition can be handled by me and my condition can be handled by them, then it could be possible. One of you would have to be able or your income would be spent on care. If the two of you got together, you still have to live someplace and have some income for care and living expenses. That's my say on the Subject and at the same time, hope I never have to face that situation on my present income. The chance is always there, your caregiver can become a survivor any day for better or worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 I am happily married, our relationship over 14 years now. We have been there for each other taking care of each other through non-threating illness, and he has been my support through this stroke.. last yr (2 yrs after my stroke) he was diagnosed with malignant melanoma.... I was there for him to encourage, support him through surgery .. we took our vows ... for better or worse. through sickness and health Bonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pprovost Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 I agree with you Bonnie! you never know the person you married until a health event like a stroke enters the marriage. I was lucky to have married a guy who was serious about his vows but if you ask him he doesn't see it as any obligation or sacrifice. He just likes being with me. Nothing is perfect but when a true commitment is there from the start, challenges seem to work themselves into solutions because failure is just not an option or an easy way out. If my hubby had a stroke I know that my life would be much more difficult on a daily basis but his well being would be at the top of my priorities. However, I can understand how survivors would have difficulties in our society to find a partner because relationships are superficial in today's world. Speed dating would be a joke for me ( My head spins at the grocery store on a Friday night) I have always tried to be as independent as possible because statistically women tend to outlive their husbands. Chances are that I may well find myself on my own one day and I want to be able to live my life on my terms should that happen. In the meantime I try to be grateful for everything my relationship brings me daily. Good topic Pat :cloud9: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HostAsha Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 hey stephen: great topic, right now I m happily married to guy who takes his vows seriously, he says you can't throw away person because illness striked her, we are there for each other forever, and I think his attitude &my stroke taught me important lesson of not look outside for any happiness, it should come withinyou. actually I m so happy to be with my hubby that I can't imagine my life with any one else Asha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorrainelm Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 I am curently in a relationship which I was in pre stroke, I'm but not married. I would consider a realtionship with a survivor if love developed. The fact that I am a nurse has an impact on what my choices would be. I could see conflict with families of two survivors,but generally there is family conflict. No families are perfect but many leave those issues behind closed doors and want everyone to believe they are a perfect family. It would be difficult to have a relationship with a survivor who can't speak,but it would be possible. I would find a relationship with a survivor to be rewarding. Take Care lorrainelm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fking Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 Hey Stephen, Wouldn't it be neat to open a new venture to start a stroke survivors dating club on the internet for all the single, divorced, and widowed men and women looking for friendships?? Just a thought in my mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorrainelm Posted February 27, 2006 Share Posted February 27, 2006 . That's a great idea! It would be easier to meet local survivors too! I find it difficult to meet many survivors locally, as they aren't all coming out of the woodwork to attend survivor's meetings or they aren't aware of the meetings. lorrainelm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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