another day

[catmandou]

MOMPAULI -

MY NAME IS CATHY AND I AM FATE'S (TWISTOFFATE) FIANCE. I HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING YOUR POSTINGS ALONG WITH HIM. HE IS VERY CONCERNED ABOUT YOU AND WILL LIKELY BE WRITING IN AGAIN VERY SOON. I AM NOT A SURVIVOR OF A STROKE BUT THOSE OF US WHO ARE FAMILY AND CAREGIVERS OF SURVIVORS, SHOULD BE CONSIDERED SURVIVORS IN OUR OWN RIGHT. I STAYED WITH FATE, SLEEPING IN A CHAIR BY HIS BED EVERY NIGHT THAT HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR 4 MONTHS. HAVING WORKED AS A PARAMEDIC FOR OVER 15 YEARS, I WELL KNOW HOW MANY MISTAKES, BLUNDERS, AND GOOF UPS ARE MADE NOT ONLY ON A DAILY BASIS IN HOSPITALS BUT ON AN HOURLY BASIS AS WELL AND I DIDN'T WANT ANYONE HURTING HIM OR CAUSING HIM UNDUE STRESS, PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY. DOCTORS, NURSES, THERAPISTS, ETC. DO A HARD JOB IN THEIR OWN RIGHTS, BUT THE OLD SAYING OF A FEW BAD APPLES HAS GROWN TO BUSHELS OF BAD APPLES. FOR EXAMPLE, THERE IS NO NEED TO BE SPONGE BATHING A VERY PROUD MAN WITH THE HOSPITAL DOOR STANDING WIDE OPEN AND THE TWO AIDS DOING IT TALKING RIGHT OVER HIS HEAD AS IF HE WEREN'T EVEN THERE AND TWISTING AND PULLING HIM HERE AND THERE WITHOUT THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF COMMON DECENCY TO EXPLAIN TO HIM WHAT THEY WERE DOING BEFORE THEY DID IT AND TO TRY TO MAKE IT THE LEAST EMBARRASSING AS POSSIBLE. UNFORUNATELY MOST OF THEM ARE THIS WAY WITH ONLY A VERY FEW GOOD APPLES LEFT. I HATE TO THINK OF THOSE PATIENTS, SOME HAVING POSSIBLY BEEN SOME OF YOU READING, THAT ARE TREATED AS SOMETHING LESS THAT A PRIVATE, PROUD HUMAN BEING DURING A TIME WHEN YOU ARE AT YOUR MOST VULNERABLE AND HELPLESS TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT - AND DON'T HAVE SOMEBODY, FAMILY OR FRIEND, TO STAND BULLDOG GUARD FOR YOU AND SPEAK UP OR RUN THE ABUSERS COMPLETELY OUT OF THE ROOM. GOD BLESS THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN THERE.

 

AND I APOLOGIZE, MOMPAULI, FOR GETTING OFF THE SUBJECT BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW CLOSE I HAVE BEEN WITH FATE AND CONTINUE TO BE. I FEEL GOD PUT US TOGETHER PRIOR TO THIS BECAUSE HE KNEW I COULD HANDLE THE MEDICAL ASPECTS OF IT AND THAT FATE WOULD BE AT ANYONE'S MERCY IF I WEREN'T THERE. HIS FAMILY LOVES HIM BUT TO BE BLUNT, THEY ARE TOTALLY CLUELESS ABOUT WHAT HE HAS BEEN THROUGH AND NOW LIVES WITH. THEY CAN'T HELP IT, THAT'S JUST THE WAY THEY ARE. THEY ARE THE TYPE TO BE OF THE OPINION "WELL OK - YOU'VE HAD YOUR STROKE - NOW GET ON WITH IT AND OH BY THE WAY - DON'T PUT TOO MUCH PRESSURE OR DEPENDANCE ON US BECAUSE YOU KNOW, WE HAVE OUR OWN LIVES AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE OK NOW, RIGHT?!"............I LOVE HIS FAMILY BUT THEY TRULY DON'T HAVE A SINGLE CLUE!

 

MOMPAULI - I HAVE TO WONDER ABOUT YOUR LIFE PRIOR TO THE STROKE - WHAT DID YOU DO? DID YOU WORK? DID YOU HAVE HOBBIES, CLUBS, INTERESTS THAT ABSORBED YOU? DID YOU ENJOY READING, WRITING, DRAWING, MUSIC? DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN, GRANDCHILDREN, PETS? I ASK FOR THIS REASON - EACH OF YOUR POSTINGS PORTRAYS SOMEONE WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO LIVE FOR - NOTHING THAT IS IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO LOOK BEYOND THEIR OWN IMMEDIATE CIRCUMSTANCES - NOTHING THAT EVOKES A DESIRE, A THIRST TO RETURN TO ENJOYING THE DOING OF IT... EVERYONE THAT HAS AND IS OFFERING ADVICE TO YOU IS WONDERFUL BUT ON YOUR SIDE OF THE COIN I KNOW THE TAKING OF THAT ADVICE SOMETIMES GOES NO FURTHER THAN THE IMMEDIATE THOUGHT "WELL, THAT'S EASY FOR THEM TO SAY - THEY JUST DON'T KNOW HOW MY LIFE IS" --AND I ONLY DARE TO SPEAK OF YOUR SIDE FROM FIRST HAND SEEING FATE'S OTHER SIDE OF HIS COIN AND BEING RIGHT THERE AS HE WORKED THROUGH EACH AND EVERY MOUNTAIN. HE HAS BEEN A MUSICIAN ALL HIS LIFE. THERE IS A PICTURE POSTED SOMEWHERE ON HERE OF HIM AROUND 2 OR 3 YEARS OF AGE SITTING IN A LITTLE CHAIR WITH A MICKEY MOUSE GUITAR IN HIS LAP. HE IS WELL READ. LOVES READING - HE IS AN ARTIST AND HAS HIS ARTWORK UP ON MANY PEOPLES WALLS. HE IS A WONDERFUL SONGWRITER - - DEEP AND PROPHETIC ARE HIS THOUGHTS AND WORDS. HE HAS A BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER THAT IS HIS ABSOLUTE WORLD. BUT IN THE EARLY DAYS OF HIS STROKE, HE DID NOT KNOW IF HE WOULD EVER BE ABLE TO EVEN PICK UP A GUITAR AGAIN OR SPEAK WORDS OF A SONG. HE DIDN'T KNOW IF HE'D EVER BE ABLE TO HUG HIS DAUGHTER WITH BOTH ARMS AGAIN. HE COULDN'T REMEMBER WHAT HE HAD TO EAT FROM THE PREVIOUS MEAL...HOW COULD HE WRITE A WHOLE SONG? I KEPT HIS PERSONAL THINGS, INCLUDING A GUITAR AND HIS HARMONICAS ALONG WITH PICTURES OF FAMILY AND US TOGETHER ALL OVER HIS ROOMS IN WHATEVER HOSPITAL HE WAS IN THE WHOLE TIME HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL. HE WOULD SIT IN HIS BED AND STARE AT THE GUITAR. SOMETIMES WHEN NO ONE WAS IN THE ROOM I KNOW HE MADE HIS WAY TO THE END OF THE BED AND WOULD TOUCH IT OR RUN HIS FINGER ACROSS THE STRINGS, BUT HE WOULDN'T PICK IT UP. HE DIDN'T BECAUSE I KNOW HE FELT THAT AS LONG AS HE DIDN'T KNOW FOR SURE WHETHER OR NOT HE COULD PICK IT UP OR PLAY, THEN THERE WAS ALWAYS HOPE.

 

WHEN HE CAME HOME HE WAS ON A WALKER, MOVING VERY SLOWLY, HE HAD LOST OVER 60 POUNDS IN A 2 MONTH PERIOD OF TIME FROM ALMOST BEING KILLED BY MRSA STAPH. HE SPENT MANY DAYS BOTH IN THE HOSPITAL AND AFTER HE GOT OUT WONDERING WHAT HIS LIFE WAS GOING TO BE LIKE.

 

I WANT YOU TO KNOW, MOMPAULI, THAT IN 2002 WHEN WE FIRST MET (WE WERE NEIGHBORS, HE MOVED IN BESIDE ME), HE WAS GOING THROUGH A VERY BAD TIME AND HE MAY KILL ME FOR SHARING THIS BUT ONE NIGHT HE PREPARED HIMSELF TO DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU ELUDE TO IN YOUR POSTINGS. HE PUT ON MUSIC, WROTE A NOTE, LIT CANDLES, FILLED UP THE BATHTUB, AND SAT DOWN IN IT WITH A RAZOR IN HIS HAND. THAT'S WHERE HE FELT HIS LIFE HAD COME TO....AND THAT WAS WAY BEFORE THE STROKE EVER OCCURRED. IN FAIRLY GOOD HEALTH, WITH GREAT LOOKS AND PHYSICAL ABILITY, WITH FAMILY AND A DAUGHTER WHO LOVED HIM, WITH TALENT BEYOND MOST PEOPLE'S DREAMS - THIS MAN SAT AND STARED INTO THE END OF HIS LIFE WHICH HE WAS WILLING TO END BY HIS OWN HAND.

 

THEN GOD SAID ENOUGH. THROUGH A VERY QUICK AND ABSTRACT CHAIN OF EVENTS THAT CAN ONLY BE CREDITED TO THE ALMIGHTY, HE WAS WHISKED AWAY TO A HOSPITAL TO RECOUP, RECHARGE, AND RETHINK. THAT IS THE LAST TIME THAT I KNOW OF HE EVER CONSIDERED LIFE NOT WORTH LIVING.

 

MOMPAULI - YOU SAID EVEN YOUR DOCTOR SAID YOU SHOULD BE DEAD. HERE'S A NEWSFLASH FOR YOU - DOCTOR'S DON'T KNOW IT ALL - IN FACT THEY KNOW VERY LITTLE - AND THEY TEND TO KNOW EVEN LESS WHEN GOD STEPS IN BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO BUSY DESPARATELY TRYING TO FIND AN ANSWER OR EXPLANATION THAT THEY CAN PUT A MATHEMATICAL EQUATION TO INSTEAD OF TRYING TO FIGURE THE PROCESS OF DIVINITY.

 

MANY PEOPLE HAVE WRITTEN BACK TO YOUR FIRST POSTING AS A COMMON VOICE TELLING YOU THIS DID NOT HAPPEN BECAUSE GOD IS PUNISHING YOU. AND THEN THE DOCTOR TELLING YOU THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED........MOMPAULI - YOUR SELF ESTEEM WILL NOT LET YOU HOPE FOR SOMETHING BEYOND WHAT YOU ARE PRESENTLY EXPERIENCING. THAT SAME SELF ESTEEM IS KEEPING ITSELF IN ITS SAFE - LOW - AND EMBITTERED SHELL BY FEEDING YOU EXCUSES......GOD IS PUNISHING YOU....YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED. PLEASE PARDON THE EXPRESSION AND THE SITE MAY BLEEP IT OUT BUT...BULLS_ _ T !!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

YOU ARE ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOT THAT?? ALIVE!!!!!!!!! - - YOU ARE DIFFERENT FROM WHAT YOU WERE.....BUT YOU'RE ALIVE TO KNOW IT!! YES IT IS HARD, ESPECIALLY THE FIRST YEAR - EVERYONE IS TELLING YOU THAT. WHATEVER LEVEL YOU ARE AT RIGHT NOW AFTER ONLY AND I MEAN ONLY A FEW MONTHS IS NOTHING TO WHAT YOU WILL BE ONE YEAR FROM NOW....TWO YEARS FROM NOW. AND IF YOU PROCEED WITH YOUR THOUGHTS THE WAY YOUR ARE....YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO BE THERE TO SEE IT. I MAY SOUND HARSH, BUT I HAVE SEEN MUCH DEATH ON MY AMBULANCE. MOST OF IT SO WASTEFUL AND TOTALLY USELESS. ONE THING MANY, MANY PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME WITH THEIR LAST BREATH WAS IF THEY ONLY HAD ONE MORE HOUR TO SPEND WITH WHOEVER OR DOING WHATEVER, BUT THEY WERE NEVER GIVEN THAT CHANCE. WE ARE NOT TO SAY WHY THEY DID NOT GET THAT CHANCE OR WHY FATE DID.....OR WHY YOU DID...............DO NOT WASTE WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN, MOMPAULI. DO NOT THROW AWAY WHAT SO MANY WOULD GO THROUGH DEATH A SECOND TIME FOR. YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN A SECOND CHANCE. WHAT YOU DO WITH IT.....USE IT WELL, OR THROW IT AWAY...IS ENTIRELY UP TO YOU AND ONLY YOU. YOU WILL BE THE ONE WHO ULTIMATELY REAPS THE REWARDS OF IT OR SPIRALS INTO THE BLACK PIT TO BE LOST FOREVER, TOTALLY THROWING SUCH A PRECIOUS GIFT AWAY.......THE GIFT OF LIFE. YES A DIFFERENT LIFE. YOU HAVE NOT YET GIVEN IT A CHANCE TO SHOW YOU A BETTER SIDE OF IT.

 

MOMPAULI - I BEG OF YOU TO PRACTICE PATIENCE - EXERCISE AND DO THERAPY TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY - DO NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU CANNOT DO - REWARD YOURSELF FOR WHAT YOU CAN....YOU CAN BREATH.....YOU CAN THINK....YOU CAN COMMUNICATE. AGAIN I MUST ASK YOU WHAT WAS YOUR LIFE BEFORE AND WHAT FROM IT DO YOU THIRST ENOUGH FOR TO FIGHT FOR IT. FATE ALWAYS SAYS FORTITUDE HAS KEPT HIM IN GOOD STANDING. BUT THAT IS NOT ALL OF IT. IT'S HEART AND LOVE - - LOVE OF YOURSELF - LOVE OF OTHERS - LOVE OF WHAT JOYS LIFE DOES HAVE TO OFFER YOU - AND A HEART THAT GROWS DAILY, ENCOMPASSING NEW HORIZONS CONSTANTLY. YOU NEED EXTRA HELP THROUGH THIS TIME. TURN TO GOD AND TO OTHERS WHOM HE WILL SEND. KEEP YOUR HEART AND MIND OPEN. WE WILL BOTH BE GLAD TO SEND YOU ANYTHING WE HAVE, LITERATURE, MUSIC, WHATEVER WILL LIFT YOUR SPIRITS ON A LOW DAY. TURN TO OTHERS. TURN TO THESE PEOPLE ON THIS SITE. THEY ARE GREAT. IF YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE SUPPORT YOU SHOULD BE GETTING FROM FAMILY, HUSBAND, WHOEVER - - - TURN TO THOSE WHO DO WANT TO HELP SUPPORT YOU. GOOD DOCTORS, GOOD THERAPISTS, GOOD FRIENDS. AS THE BOB SEGER SONG GOES...."WHAT TO LEAVE IN- WHAT TO LEAVE OUT" HAS BECOME A BY-LINE FOR FATE. WE BOTH FEEL THAT LIFE IS TOO PRECIOUS NOW TO GIVE AWAY EVEN ONE SECOND OF IT ON SOMEONE OR SOMETHING THAT JUST DOESN'T GET IT OR DESERVE IT. THAT MAY SOUND MEAN, BUT OUR WORLD, AND YOURS TOO, HAS BECOME VERY CONDENSED BY NECESSITY. DON'T WASTE SPACE ON "COSTUME JEWELRY" - TOLERATE ONLY PURE GOLD AROUND YOU AND YOU WILL BEGIN TO SLOWLY SEE A DIFFERENCE.

 

YOU HAVE PEOPLE WHO CARE HERE, MOMPAULI, DON'T WASTE THAT OR TAKE IT TOO LIGHTLY. NOT MANY PEOPLE ARE OFFERED TIME AND FRIENSHIP THAT YOU ARE BEING OFFERED. IF I HAVE OFFENDED ANYONE BY WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN, I AM TRULY SORRY. BUT I SPEAK WHAT I THINK AND I THINK FROM WHAT I HAVE EXPERIENCED. MUCH LOVE TO YOU, MOMPAULI, AND TO ALL. WE ARE HERE IF YOU NEED US.

 

CATHY

[arogers]

Mompauli,

 

Cathy has posted a wonderful letter to you. She has spoken from her heart, I can tell. Everyone here loves you - however we can do just so much!

 

Life is different now than before your stroke and there is no denying thay. However, you are here for a reason - and maybe that reason is to bring hope to others who have experienced a life changing event in their life.

 

We all think we are unique, that our situation is worse than anybody else can imagine. And well it may be - but through determination and faith if our situation is the worst, than our story of recovery will be the best!!

 

As with Cathy, I am my husband's caregiver. I know of depression and weariness because Bill has experienced both of these. However, he is an inspiration to those around us as he continues to be a part of living. Everyone here is just that - an inspiration to the rest of us. You can be too!

 

Take care, reach out to those who want to help you and understand your doctor isn't trying to be mean - most of what we do with our life IS an inside job! All the pills in the world can't make us happy if we insist on being miserable - and again, I know first hand what I'm saying.

 

Warm regards, :forgive_me?:

[PVINSON5]

ANOTHER DAY! IT'S 3 YRS. AND 8 MOS., POST STROKE.

 

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? IT'S GOOD THAT YOU HAVE ONLY -- 9 MOS. KEEP IT ON!!!!!!!

 

I'M 50. I WAS AN INDUSTRIAL ENGINEER FOR 18 YRS. I WAS MAKING $80,000 A YEAR. I DON'T KNOW WHY. MY RIGHT SIDE (LEFT BRAIN) IS NUMB. SPEECH, PHYSICAL AND OCCUPATION THERAPY FOR 2 1/2 YRS. JSU 1 YR. - APHASIA - 2 DAYS A WEEK.

 

WATER THEREPY - 1 YR. I LIKE IT. MY COMPUTER.

 

KEEP ON TRYING. PATTY

:Dance:

[mompauli]

this is pauli to fate and his finace. i read your responses over and over. i really to read and read to get hope. some many times it helpes me. on a real bad times i doesn't work. i do have people i love me and love me. my husband, a daughter of 23 and 26 son who's in army. i always worked and had to retire from my 28 year job because of stroke. that will be a problem financial. i'm 58. i also kept home clean up for husbamd and still daugter whose in school and works. i love it ande was also busy. not i walk w/cane--not very well--, so can't clean the home cause to clean the floor, or dust, put clothes away--can't make to laundry way area -- my right hand is still no function. i do wash dishes one hand but have diffcultly standing a long time time as i can't feel my legs going to sit down. i love my husband and daughter but they don't care about the home. no one cleans it. only dishes get done and i ask him or daughter to clean clothes enough to wear to therapy. i go to therapy twice me per week for hand or one or two times per week per week. my husband started taking me outside every every sunday a month ago. other than a sunday now, only was therapy was getting out. i'm a vegetable.

 

i exercise every day and practice walking but doesn't get it any better. it's so depressing. when i just going to a new therapy it was really hard and intensive and i was really happy. then the second day with the therist, my right knee got thrown out. this my bad knee. i guess we over did. 3 days the knee is still messed up. now what can i now do with it. i tried to work it out but knee is too swelling and afraid to make it worth. i have to have insurance ok more leg therapy before i can see therapist to see what i should do. i don't work, at a job or home, can help myself and don't want to ask for ever thing i need, have to help by husband to bath, wash hair, cut nails, drive to therapy, wash clothes, put them away, and live in s dirty home. i have 3 dogs and can't feed or water them myself. i feel if this happened when i did have the stroke, the family would be half throught their grieving. to keep like this will only extend it. it just seens not to be changing. i really am trying. i don't want my family to hate me.

 

i just wanted to know i have thoughts about these reasons. pauli

[jriva]

mompauli,

 

Have you applied for Social Security Disability? That will help with your financial worries. The sooner you apply, the better. If you haven't done it, ask the social worker at the hospital where you do your therapy to help get you started. Also, are you on any kind of anti-depressants to help you deal with all changes in your life? It's pretty common to need them in the first few months/years post stroke.

 

My husband is six years post stroke. He is wheelchair bound, has no use of his right arm/hand and has a very limited vocabulary....on a good day he might be able to get out 25 words. He also can't write or type. I can tell you from experience that I have NOTgrown to hate him because he's a burden or can't contribute to the household as you worry about with your family doing someday. Quite the opposite. I admire him more than ever for the way he has learned to live with his disabilties.

 

We were actually told that he would be "nothing more than a vegetable" after his stroke and it really hurts me to hear you refer to yourself as a 'vegetable.' You are not! There is a lot more you can give your family besides a clean house, clean clothes and a paycheck. Things that are more important like your love, caring, and respect...and maybe someday your sense of humor like my husband contributes to my life. I am very proud of my husband for always trying his best. I'll bet your family could (or does now) feel the same way about you.

 

And above all, give yourself time to heal physically and emotionally! Nine months is not long in stroke time.

 

Jean

[catmandou]

MOMPAULI -

I AM HAPPY YOU WROTE BACK - YOU HAVE ANSWERED A LOT OF QUESTIONS WE AND I KNOW OTHERS, HAVE HAD. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE GETTING SOME FAMILY HELP, BUT THAT THEY STILL DON'T QUITE GET THAT THEY REALLY NEED TO KICK IN A LOT BETTER. YOUR DAUGHTER TAKING IT UPON HERSELF TO GO AHEAD AND KEEP THE HOUSE CLEAN, IF FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN THAT IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, IS A NO BRAINER - BUT I KNOW YOU LOVE HER AND DON'T WANT TO BE A BURDEN. MOMPAULI - - ANYBODY THAT TREATS YOU LIKE A BURDEN DID NOT CARE TO BEGIN WITH WHEN YOU WERE HEALTHY AND THAT IS A PLAIN FACT. YOU ARE IN NEED OF A GREAT DEAL MORE HELP THAN YOU ARE GETTING RIGHT NOW. MAKE SURE YOU CONTACT SOCIAL SERVICES ABOUT GETTING YOUR DISABILITY STARTED AS THE PREVIOUS POSTING INSTRUCTS, IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY - IS THERE SOMEONE, ANYONE THAT CAN SIT DOWN WITH YOU ONE WHOLE DAY AND MAKE SOME PHONE CALLS FOR YOU?!!! IF NOT, LET US KNOW ON THIS SITE AND WE'LL FIND A WAY TO GET YOU HELP TO GET IT DONE.

 

THE REASONS I AM ASKING THAT ARE THESE: (1) CONTACT LOCAL ANIMAL SHELTER OR HUMANE SOCIETY AND INQUIRE ABOUT HAVING A VOLUNTEER TO COME BY ONCE A DAY AND FEED/EXERCISE YOUR DOGS FOR YOU. (2) SOCIAL SERVICES, DEPT OF HUMAN SERVICES, SENIOR CITIZEN CENTERS, CHURCH GROUPS.....ALL THESE SHOULD BE ENLISTED TO HAVE SOMEONE COME BY ONCE A WEEK TO CLEAN HOUSE FOR YOU, HELP OUT WITH CLOTHING, SHOPPING, MAKING PHONE CALLS, ETC. THESE PEOPLE ARE OUT THERE....LOTS OF SENIOR CITIZENS ARE JUST CHOMPING AT THE BIT TO BE ABLE TO HELP SOMEONE AND BE USEFUL THEMSELVES. AND IT IS VOLUNTEER!!!!!!!!!! GOD BLESSES THESE PEOPLE WHO BLESS OTHERS. BY YOU NOT ASKING FOR OR ALLOWING OTHERS TO HELP YOU, YOU ARE WITHHOLDING BLESSINGS FROM THEM. A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE HAD TO BEAT AND BEAT AND BEAT THIS INTO MY OWN STUBBORN "SELF-SUFFICIENT" HEAD LONG AGO.

 

WHAT THE OTHER LADY SAID ABOUT YOUR FAMILY NOT HATING YOU IS SO TRUE AND THAT JUST BEING ABLE TO HAVE HER HUSBAND STILL WITH HER IS SUCH A BLESSING. WE HATE OURSELVES MUCH MORE THAN OTHERS DO. I UNDERSTAND YOU DON'T WANT TO BE A BURDEN. FATE HAS FLAT OUT ASKED ME ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION IF HE IS A BURDEN TO ME. WHEN HE IS FEELING ESPECIALLY VULNERABLE OR HELPLESS, OR HAS JUST DROPPED OR SPILLED SOMETHING, HE WILL WORK HIS WAY UP TO ASKING ME THIS. MY ANSWER TO HIM IS THIS..... "MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU WOULD BE A BURDEN I COULD NOT STAND."........NUFF SAID?!

 

I KNOW IT TAKES THE PATIENCE OF JOB, BUT TRY TO HOLD ON WAITING FOR STUPID INSURANCE TO KICK IN AND DO WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO DO. THERE AGAIN, IS ANOTHER REASON TO HAVE SOMEONE WHO CAN MAKE PHONE CALLS FOR YOU, WRITE LETTERS, JUST BUG THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF THESE COMPANIES UNTIL THEY DO WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING. AS YOU GO ALONG, YOU WILL FIND WAYS TO ENABLE YOU TO DO A LITTLE MORE AND A LITTLE MORE. IF YOU WANT TO WASH DISHES, HAVE SOMEONE GET YOU A BARSTOOL TYPE CHAIR THAT YOU CAN SCOOT UP BESIDE THE SINK AND SIT IN INSTEAD OF STANDING AND WEARING YOUR LEGS OUT. BUT REMEMBER ANYTHING YOU TRY TO DO RIGHT NOW, DO IN MODERATION. WORK HARD AT IT, BUT DON'T OVERWORK YOUR BODY DOING IT. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE I WANT TO SAY, BUT IT IS GETTING LATE. PLEASE LET US KNOW IF THERE IS SOMEONE WHO CAN MAKE CALLS, ETC. FOR YOU OR NOT. FATE AND I, AND I KNOW OTHERS ON THIS SITE WILL ASSIST YOU IN GETTING THE SUPPORT HEADED YOUR WAY THAT YOU NEED. HONESTLY, MOMPAULI, IF YOUR FAMILY IS WILLING, THEY MUST GET THEIR ACT TOGETHER BETTER. YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE FEELING LIKE YOU DO.

 

WE LOVE YOU - DON'T EVER FORGET.

 

CATHY

[Jim W]

MomPauli, my name is Jim and I had a stroke 2 years ago this August. Besides the stroke I have severe arthritis, I have had 2 triple bypasses done and 5 cardiac stints put in my heart. I have congestive heart failure and I had to go on disability. I am still getting better but I will never be the save as I was. Everyone who has had a stoke feels as you do at some time or other. But as one reply stated even our Lord had doubts about His suffering just for a minute. You can and will get better and it will depend on you what your attitude will be. If you feel down come to this sight. It really has helped me see things that I would not have seen before. It is a great group people in the same boat that can help you thru your times of depression. Not anyone knows all the answers but we all can help with our personal experience with our strokes. Each one is different and each one of us can help. Totally the help is awsome and can help you.

One thing I do know from all I have gone thru and am still going thru is that God doesn't play games an punish people. He always gives you the strength you need to get thru times of trouble.

 

Good luck and God bless. Your in our prayers. Jim W