Overwhelmed!

[Betty Jean]

Hi! My husband had a stroke a week ago at the age of 58. Since then I have been bombarded with specialists, surgeons, therapists of every kind. Jim has had tests that I've never even heard of but it's all due to the type of stroke he had. I have to say that so far he has gotten the absolute best of care and believe me, my son and I watch for problems every minute. The problem is, I don't know if I'm coming or going. I don't know which doctor is which, all the information is getting all mixed up in my head. I very rarely eat anything decent, and never sleep more than 2 hrs at a time. The stress is getting to be too much and I can't let Jim feel that from me. I'm trying so hard to be what he needs but I worry about if I'm making the right decisions for him, if I'm showing him that I love him. I think I'm just this side of a nervous breakdown or something but maybe I just need a good cry. Well, it's only been a week so maybe it will get easier. I guess I just needed a friend I knew would understand. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

Betty Jean

[caringfor5]

Betty Jean,

 

It will get easier in time. Recovery is a slow process that both your husband and yourself will go through. As your husband makes progress you will start to feel less stressed out. When I think back to how I felt the first weeks and months after my fiances strokes I can remember how stressed I was and confused and overwhelmed. I didn't know if I was coming or going, I had children to take care of and was working a 40 hour week. Now its been a year and I am his full time caregiver but I have a lot less stress than I did at that time because my life is much simpler than it was when he was in the hospital. You will get there and feel free to vent here as often as you like and ask any questions you might have as well because you will get alot of help from the people on this site. I know it helped me tremendously.

 

Take care and I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.

 

Tina

[jriva]

 

 

Hi Betty Jean,

 

Believe me, most of the caregivers on this site know exactly how you feel because we've been there, done that and, yes, it does get easier. However, you MUST learn to take care of yourself by eating and resting even if you just have to go through the motions. Down the road when you husband comes home, you'll need to be strong and healthy for him.

 

The first thing you need to do is get a notebook to write EVERYTHING down in---doctors, what they say, phone numbers, medications, therapies tried, etc., etc. There is a post in our Caregivers Sharing fourm titled "Learn from my mistakes" that gives a complete list of everything you need to keep in your notebook. This will relieve some of the stress of trying to remember it all. No one can.

 

And if you need that cry, by all means find a friendly shoulder and let it happen. There's been more than a few of us here who have cried our eyes out while typing back and forth on this website. You'll find many friendly people here who understand all your emotions. Starting a blog here to document your ups and downs really helps let it all out of your system. If you feel yourself losing it too much, don't hestiate to talk this over with your doctor so she/he cand prescribe something to help you deal with the stress. I took an anti-depressant for about a month and it helped a lot.

 

Jean :friends:

 

 

[bstockman]

Hi Betty Jean and Welcome, I am a survivor, I stroked at age 54.. 3 yrs ago. As Tina and Jean say IT IS MOST IMPORTANT right now to take care of yourself. Rest or lie die, even if you have to make yourself, listen to some soothing music.. And EAT.. if it is fixing a plate and munching on it...

Of course right now you are overwhelmed... I am sure you all are.

 

As Jean says a note book, with Dr's names information, get a business card if available and tape it in.. maybe a few pages for each Dr.

 

You can ask the nurses and get a list and dose of his medications to write in your book.

 

The first several months post stroke I slept a lot. And I would tire easily from most any mental or physical exertion. It does get better with time.

 

Important now or soon will be Therapy for your husband, the sooner he can start and as much as he can handle.

 

Re learning takes much repition.

 

Read some of the posts and In Classic Postings is "A Letter From Your Brain" It may help you understand a little what is going on.

 

This is a great saite, with interactions between caregivers/family and survivors.

 

The caregivers here have loads of experience between them all.

 

Come back often, we will help in any way we can.

 

As Jean says, speak with your Dr. A little medication for yourself, may help you cope and sleep better. You will not feel quite so overwhelmed.

 

(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) Bonnie, survivor 4/28/03

[lisas]

:welcome: BETTY JEAN,

 

I'M GLAD YOU FOUND THIS SIGHT! IT IS PACKED FULL OF INFORMATION. ALSO, A GOOD PLACE TO VENT AND :chat: WHEN YOU HAVE TIME.

 

I'M A CAREGIVER TO MY 22 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, RACHEL. SHE HAD A MASSIVE STROKE 2/17/06. IT WAS FROM BLOODCLOTS. YES, IT WAS OVERWHELMING IN THE BEGINNING. :juggle: A LOT OF INFORMATION FOR YOUR BRAIN TO PROCESS AT ONCE.

 

THE NOTEBOOK IS A MUST. ALSO,THE NURSES AT THE HOSPITAL WE WERE AT WOULD RUN US OFF COMPUTER INFORMATION ABOUT THE STROKE AND ANYTHING ELSE I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND. IT HELPED TO READ ABOUT IT FIRST HAND, AND TO HAVE IT IN FRONT OF ME. I STILL GO BACK TO THAT INFORMATION.

WE ALSO RECEIVED A STROKE MANUAL FULL OF INFORMATION. THEY ALSO PRINTED OUT ALL THE MEDS SHE WAS ON AND INFORMATION ABOUT EACH ONE. I'M SURE IF YOU ASKED, THEY WOULD SO THE SAME FOR YOU.

 

IT WAS HARD FOR ME TO SLEEP IN THE BEGINNING ALSO, BUT AFTER A WHILE YOUR BODY TELLS YOU TO GET SLEEP, SO YOU CAN KEEP GOING. EAT HEALTHY! FOR YOURSELF AND YOU HUSBAND.

 

YOU DIDN'T SAY, BUT HOW IS YOUR HUSBAND TODAY? CAN HE SPEAK? MOVE? PLEASE KEEP US POSTED. PM ME IF YOU WANT TO ANYTIME. :hug:

[jwatrous]

Betty Jean -

Under the circumstances, you are doing great :blush: , and its the doctor's job to worry about what you are - Your continued support and love will help him in his recovery. I am 20 years post stroke, and can attribute my recovery to excellent care, love from my spouse and lots of hard work

GOOD LUCK

June

[fking]

Betty,

 

A big WELCOME to you. You've gotten some great advise above, they have covered it well. So, I'll add... just settle down, take care of yourself, your husband has made the turn from stroke patient to survivor.

 

It's early in survivor times and progress for him and you. Hang in here, read all you can as often as you feel down and out. With all of our experiences of what you face now, you will learn to cope with caregiving for your husband.

 

Keep logging in here, reading and asking questions you need information about. We are your new found friends of the same feathers. If you think of certain subjects, you can type it in the search box, that will find what has been discussed already.

 

You gotta take care of you, so the doctors and you can care for your husband. Again, we all have travel the survivor, friend, family and caregiver road. We are still on the road just ahead of you.

[kkholt]

Hi Betty Jean,

 

It's good you found the site. It is also good the Doctors are interested in the cause of your husbands stroke - to me that is a good sign. We had Doctors who initially weren't interested in finding the cause of my husbands stroke - which was frustrating. Like yours my husband was young when he had his stroke (47) last August.

 

It is important you take care of yourself - so you can be a support for your husband. I didn't stay the night at the hospital like some caregivers. To ensure I got a good night sleep I left usually by 10:00 PM and was back by 8:00 - 8:30 for the first ten days or so.

 

My sister started a little notebook for us - phone numbers, names.... Another resource is your nurse. The evening one usually has more time to spend talking to you, and they can often spend the time to explain things.

 

Take care Betty Jean - check back often. Wander through blogs and posts, there is a lot of good information on this site.

 

-Karen

[givincare]

Hi Betty Jean,

Welcome to the site, sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.

 

My husband had left-brained stroke Feb '05, at the age of 36. He is right side-weak and suffers communication difficulties.

 

Please realise that the first few weeks are absolutly in my mind the hardest. There is so much going on and so many unanswered questions. The worst part is because of the nature of a stroke, you will only learn answers first-hand, as they occur. There will be few predictions/prognosis/etc. It seems everything is just "wait and see". Waiting is the worst.

 

Staying positive for your husband is important, and when he doesn't believe in himself, it will be up to you reassure him that YOU believe in him. But also, you will both need to grieve for what you have lost. Of course you don't want to fall apart in front of him, but sharing a cry together is very helpful.

 

Also realise doctors don't always know everything, ESPECIALLY when it comes to saying what the prognosis is. So many people here heard their spouses would be nothing more than vegetables, including my husband. He was walking with a quad-cane within months. Don't know too many veggies who do that. My point is, never let a doctor/nurse/therapist discourage you or him too much. They tend to give you alot of the worst case senarios to protect themselves.

 

After the hospital stay and rehab, the prospect of being released brings another panic attack, but try not to worry. You tend to make things much scarier in your mind than they wind up being. The first few months will take adjustment, but it will happen. Everything gets easier over time.

 

But for now try to rest and eat, etc. Keep a journal and take notes as the others have suggested. There is too much info, thoughts, questions, and concerns for any one person to keep it straight right now. I remember not being able to hold a thought for more than a fleeting moment those first few weeks. Know that you will get through this!

 

Take Care,

Kristen

[JoeAnnTX]

Hi Betty Jean:

 

You found a great site. I am in the same boat as you -- overwhelmed with my fathers recent stroke. His occured August 18 and I just relocated him here along with my mother on a temp. basis to Texas from Georgia. Its truly truly hard and tiring. I didn't understand why I was exhausted from running running and running.

 

A wise person told me that He will never give you more than you can bear. He knows who address can handle what mail. You are strong and you will become stronger.

 

I started keeping a journal of my thoughts and a notebook with the timelines of everything that has happened it also shows my dads progression and things the doctors are saying.

 

You and your son are in my prayers. Its hard very hard but keep up with this website it is a great place to vent and share how you are really feeling and allows you to be weak when the world expects you to be strong. You will love it. I know I do.

 

 

love JoeAnnTX

[agleb02532]

Dear Betty Jean......My husband had a stroke four years ago during triple by=pass surgery....it was soooo devastating after married forty years and he was my best friend. No speech, and right side paralyzed. Those first weeks were the worst of my life, try to determine your closest undestanding friend, and try to vent a little of your anger and frustration. My biggest help was to seek and counselor, phsycologist, and he helped me more than others who just do not get it........I hope things get a little easier, ask your doctor for some sleeping meds, sleep and a good diet will make you stronger....Regards, Gerry LeBlanc

[jwatrous]

Sorry about your loss, but this website is all about support, so if you ever feel the need to talk, just post here, as we are all in the same boat, so helping each other is what we do

Hope to hear from you again

June

[Guest MelBaker]

Hi Betty Jean - a big welcome from a stroke survivor! :welcome:

Now - I'm going to "virtually" give you gentle shove bac in to a cozy chair (or at least one of those "Sleeper" chairs..........Take a breath lady - you are doing just fine. :cheer: :cheer:

I willl echo all the other posts here to say get your rest, then worry about everything else - stroke will still be with you for a while.

Some ideas - in addition you getting a big pretty notebook to write things in - make friends with the social worker assigned to your case - in many cases they will make you copies of his medical file so that you can read it through at your leisure (this also comes in handy if you go to file for disability)

Take 15 minutes for yourself at some point during the day to get a fab coffee or read an article in a magazine...

see if there is a stroke support group at your hospital and go!

I am glad to hear you have your son with you - let him help you get all this organized.....and since I know you are a Mom, get prepared to revise that role - sleep when he sleeps, eat when he eats, go to PT with him...you know the drill...... :2cents:

Take care and come back often! We'll be here