A sensitive subject

[lmouat]

Hi there, In my life before, this question would have embarassesed me. I can be soooo slow to process information and it wasn't until just the other day that I realized that, my lack of emotional connection to having intercourse with my husband, is directly related to my strokes. There is no physical sensation but I assumed I was somehow flawed because I had no emotion. Talk about a bummer!

 

How is it for all of you? I am working on an article for the Oct. StrokeNet e-newsletter about this topic. But, it is becoming so much bigger than I thought. anyway, I've looked at a number of books on stroke but found little or no reference to the topic of sexuality in stroke. Am almost afraid to type that word in my Goggle in search of more sources because of all the junk emails I'll get. You can pm me at (personal contact information edited out - Donna - MBM

[Guest wsteinlauf]

:Clap-Hands:

 

Hi! First of all, I applaud you for having the courage to raise this topic. Please do not be surprised if you receive very little response to this. Most people, even survivors, are scared witless of the topic of sexuality. Am I bitter? Just a bit......

 

I survived a massive hemorraghic stroke in 2005 and went through many months of sexual problems. I got so desperate at one point I contacted the Kinsey Institute and the Masters & Johnson group. My problem was hypersexuality which appears now to have been brought on my my coma. This created quite an uproar with my wife needless to say.

 

I think that even we survivors take a long time to realize and fully appreciate the depths to which we have been affected by stroke. It seems that one situation resolves (pain, dizziness, etc.) only to be replaced by some other deficit or issue.

 

I wish you well and please do keep searching for answers.

 

Peace, WALTER

 

 

[Phoenix]

Hi! Before I was discharged from rehab, an OT gave me a printout titled "Stroke and Sensuality". I believe she printed it from the American Stroke Association site, but not absolutely sure. I just remember her saying there was a lot of info on the web available about this subject in case I wanted to search because I did raise the question at the time, (it was about 3 or 4 months after stroke) " With keeping my safety in mind and being aware of my weak left side, is there any time restraints or restrictions that will prevent hubby and I from the Chika Boom, Chika Boom, Chika Boom Boom Boom?" (I didn't know and I did get a laugh out of the therapy staff)

 

Anyway, this literature talked about how the stroke affects the brain, normal emotions, sexual emotions and feelings. This was written not only to help the stroke survivor to understand what was going on with their body and that area but also to help the spouse or partner understand as well. It also had drawings that showed safe and comfortable positions for survivor and partner. I thought it was a very thoughtful article because it explained how a survivor might be feeling, for example, scared, unattractive, like a freak and so on. It gave suggestions to the partner on how to deal with the survivors emotions, physical deficits and guidance on how to make survivor feel at ease. It was very informative. I did save it but currently it is misplaced but I know it is here somewhere. But you can do a search and I am sure I got the title right, "Stroke and Sensuality" Hmmm? well it could also be "Stroke and Sexuality" but I know it's one of those. Sorry about that but I will look for it, I did see it not too long ago when I was cleaning out files. I know I really didn't answer your question but I thought this info may help others. Good luck on the article, look forward to reading it.

[marlen]

OK, SO YOU'VE HIT ON MY SECOND FAVORITE SUBJECT. IN THE FIRST SIX MONTHS FOLLOWING MY STROKE, I WAS MORE INTERESTED IN LEARNING HOW TO WALK, AND REGAIN USE OF MY ARM, HAND AND FINGERS. ONCE THESE APPENDAGES STARTED FUNCTIONING, I REMEMBERED THERE WAS ANOTHER USE FOR THEM BESIDES DRIVING AND COOKING. I TOLD MY WIFE IT WAS TIME FOR INTIMACY AGAIN. I SUGGESTED THAT IN ORDER TO BE SURE I REMEMBERED HOW TO DO THINGS, I SHOULD PRACTICE WITH THE UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR, BUT SHE POO-POOED THE IDEA.

 

GRANTED, IT WAS A LITTLE AWKWARD AT FIRST, BUT COMPASSION, AND PATIENCE GO A LONG WAY. THIS NEW LEARNING PROCESS JUST MAKES FOREPLAY MORE FUN. NOW AT 67, I'M NOT READY TO GIVE UP ON ANYTHING.

 

YESTERDAY I WENT TO THE DOCTOR FOR A CHECK-UP AND HE ASKED HOW MY SEX LIFE IS. I TOLD HIM I DON'T KNOW HOW MY WIFES IS, BUT MINE IS GREAT.

 

MARTY

[myhome]

 

Well, fortunatly I have most of my appendages working, however one works sporatically, and sometimes not at all. Does it bother me, hell yes, before my stroke I was for a better word potent. I have talked to the doctor, he said until things start working on their own ( he hopes) he said to try cialis, well that gave me terrible leg pains (cramps). He thought it might be because of the three day window it has. He then said to try viagra, it has a (4 hr. window), so there's a better possibility of no leg cramps. I havent tried it due to the apprehention I have of getting the leg pain.

 

I found a good article on this problem here

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/entrez?c...pt=AbstractPlus

[glaidice]

When I was released from the hospital, I stayed alone the first night, by choice. I was completely paralyzed on the left side and in a wheelchair that was too big, but glad to be home. I had a fireplace that with great difficulty, i lit and then the real treat - a glass of wine my doctor said i could have since i was not on a blood thinner. My then boyfriend was working but coming over the next night. I was very nervous because I knew he wanted to try to make love. WELL, the next night he came over and we found a position to make love and I credit him today with unparalying my left leg. At this point he is deceased, but he found a way to theraputize my paralyzed private area with sex therapy. Hope this wasn't too graphic. :laughbounce:

[excuzzzeme]

Due to having seizures and nerve pain, I take a med that controls both. The offshoot is that yes it affects my sexual abilities. I will try to simplify is by saying I need a patient partner. The anti depression med I am on gave increase to my libido initially but has since returned to a non-issue level. Meaning I can live without it and can still function, alhough as I stated before I need a patient partner.

[2ndChance]

I have normal physical sexual responses. But I've gained so much weight my Husband no longer finds me attractive!

[smarshall]

I have normal physical sexual responses. But I've gained so much weight my Husband no longer finds me attractive!

I'm in the same boat.

Susan

[merichsen]

Want to guess when my aneurysm chose to pick as it's ideal time to become life threatening and require a medivac ride? Talk about posttraumatic stress disorder. I took me a long time to get the trauma of it behind me, but once I did, the stroke had no effect on my libido.

[scrapdoo]

I searched on the American Stroke Association website strokeassociation.org. They have a brochure you can request a copy of called Sex after Stroke:Our guide to Intimacy after stroke. There are some other brochures I requested also. You can request up to 10 free brochures mailed to you.

 

I also found a fact sheet on the National Stroke Association website. stroke.org Click on Recovery on top of page. Then on that page there is a list of topics on the right. Click on Recovery After Stroke Fact Sheet Series. Next page scroll down lising of sheets to "Redefining Sexuality". They also have a page in the Hope: The Stroke Recovery Guide they print.

 

I hope this helps.

[JohnI]

Big bummer, taking blood pressure meds after stroke and unable to sustain the required stiffness. Been this way for a year, levitra and cialis no help, next try is Viagra.

-BigSurf

[tom71]

everything is working great for me now,but shortly after returning home from rehab,I actually fell asleep during,I think it was all the meds,but it really hurt my wife's ego.

 

Tom

[lmouat]

My thanks to all of you for taking the time to comment on your struggles with sexuality after stroke. I got the article written and sent in for the Oct. StrokeNet e-newsletter. Writing about this subject ranks as being one of the most difficult I've ever written. Being transparent about this subject flies in the face of the strong impulse to avoid this topic. I believe that because of you, there are some things other survivors will find useful.

 

Linnie

[Outsider]

Patient partners?I certainly can relate to that. Being a man,

When I first came home after being in a hospital for nearly 2 months you can imagine the only thing on my mind :Ask:

Anyway turns out the anti depressant I was on [Lexapro] or was that my anti psycotic :uhm: Can't remember now but anyway lets just say it was blocking the pleasure center in what was left of my brain and it took forever to finish which REALLY effected my wife's ego because she felt that she was not good enough for me anymore.

Things have since gotten better in that respect and the good thing I've found is that since my left arm is still too weak to fully suport my full body weight my right arm is taking up the slack and is looking tougher than it actualy is lol.

[erwin]

Well, fortunatly I have most of my appendages working, however one works sporatically, and sometimes not at all. Does it bother me, hell yes, before my stroke I was for a better word potent. I have talked to the doctor, he said until things start working on their own ( he hopes) he said to try cialis, well that gave me terrible leg pains (cramps). He thought it might be because of the three day window it has. He then said to try viagra, it has a (4 hr. window), so there's a better possibility of no leg cramps. I havent tried it due to the apprehention I have of getting the leg pain.

 

I found a good article on this problem here

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/entrez?c...pt=AbstractPlus

 

 

i too have encounter such problems, minimal amount of semen, my chest is exploding after. Suufered a cerebellar and basal ganglia stroke last may07, all blood chem is normal.

 

[idbl_fanatic]

Big bummer, taking blood pressure meds after stroke and unable to sustain the required stiffness. Been this way for a year, levitra and cialis no help, next try is Viagra.

-BigSurf

 

 

I thought that it was my blood pressure meds too, but I wasnt sure, I could not find ANY "side effect" of this from any of my meds that I am on, I have looked and looked. I am going to make an appt with my Dr for the 21st, and this is DEFF something that I am going to talk to him about, I am only 35, this is BS!! plus, my wife thinks that I am not attracted to her anymore, and I keep telling her that this is not the case, but she just don't understand. but yeah, exactly the same thing happens to me, it's all good sometimes for a few minutes, then after about oh I dunno 5 mins or so, forget it, but I hate it. I have tried things from sex stores for lack or better words **** rings, etc but those just cause pain after a while, and it still is not what it should be.

 

Please feel free to contact me.