woman on the edge

[ksaul]

hi,

i have been having a bit of a rough time the last week and i thought perhaps here was the best place to explain. i work hard to keep a positive outlook and nobody loves a good laugh more than me. lately however i am just tired, tired of the whole scene. am i whining? maybe - i know there are people who have had their lives altered in so many worse ways than me - so maybe i am. i know i am not stressed over the holidays because we celebrate in a very small way and all is in place. i have felt dizzy lately and very tired. i just had my cardio check up and my new valves, blood pressure are great. i do know that my "brain pain" is really getting worse and i am at a loss what to do - the neurontin i tried just made me real clumsy - which i sure don't need. my effexor is at the top level and seems to be working. i also thought my hip was finally getting better but as soon as i tried to exercise a bit it flared right up. this means back to the pain clinic. good days not so great days come in cycles and this cycle seems enternal. just when i think i have the knack of my post stroke life and am accepting the changes i feel frantic for the old me. i know there is no fix or answers and i debated this post. i guess i just needed to share a rough patch with the people i know will understand. sometimes it is just plain lonely. thanks kathy

[dstraugh]

Kathy,

 

You are definitely not alone dear. We all tend to plop ourselves on the pity-pot on occasion and that's understandable.

 

On the up side, you received a great report from the cardio - that's wonderful news. You're going through a lot right now with putting the house on the market plus the holidays approaching.

 

I wish I could wave a magic wand for you to feel better. But since that's not possible, I'll send (((HUGS))) your way and wishes for better days.

[bstockman]

Hi Kathy, No you are certainly not alone in this. This is some *** roller coaster ride. Some days are up and we feel good.... but we try to do the things or accomplish what we "could" and burn out, fatigue and pain knock us on our kester. The stamina, fatigue and pain are real issues.

 

I try to tell myself slow and easy.. but it takes 3 times as long to do anything and then we get frustrated.

 

You have had some busy ..physically aand mentally times, getting the house ready and even thinking of moving.. a big change in your lives.

 

I don't know what ... to make you feel better, like Donna .. If I had a magic wand I would be waving it like crazy.. for all of us.

 

I am 4 1/2 yrs.. and the "brain pain" is finally getting less. That overwhelmed feeling though still hits me... and I try to focus on getting one or two things done.. I am not the "whirlwind" I used to be, and I try to remember that.

 

Sending BIG (((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) your way.

[fking]

Kathy,

 

I'll be the first to say it's not just a woman thing. As a survivor, a man, and having had all sorts of therapy, I cannot understand why my left side is slowly becoming in-operational. Almost unmovable and all my doctors have no explanation for the cause.

 

It makes me feel like more brain cells have died or dying to which they say can not happen. I feel locked in to a point of being unable to move my left side completely. It's a strange feeling and I feel tired all the time. I sit and stare at the computer without having the strength to touch it. It's like I'm fading away slowly.

 

I guess I can call it "man on the edge"!

[kanderson]

kathy dear, i am so sorry you are feeling this way lately but as the others have said. you have been doing alot lately and you may not think you are stressed but you are. you are worrying about the house selling so you can move. that in itself causes stress. i think that is why so many of us survivors had stress contributing to our strokes, but we didn't think we were under any stress at the time then wham. i hope this makes sense to you. you maybe need to slow down abit and just take one day at a time. treat yourself to a day of fun or just being lazy. our bodies are not the same anymore. the energy it takes us now to do anything, is 3 times that of a nonstroker. i'm happy your doctor visit went well. maybe a vitamin b-12 shot might help you, talk to your dr about it. take a nature walk if you can or just sitting outside on a nice day helps me to get over my mood on those kind of days. i hope you start to feel better soon. i wish i had a wand too. take care and relax.

[merichsen]

Kathy,

Before I go on let me just say I love you and SNAP OUT OF ITof course you know you're just as warped as me so you really needed that. There's nothing wrong with feeling like hey, I didn't sign up for this!

You dust off and move on with a smile, but this is a tough one ~it leaves residual soot. So my little fellow Polly Anna don't beat yourself up because you feel like the stroke has stolen your spirit.

it hasn't girlfriend, we're tough birds. We'll be fine

Maria :friends:

[Guest linda1221]

Kathy,

I'm sorry you are having problems but my goodness girl if you are selling your home you have a lot on your plate. We sold our home 3 years ago pre stroke and it was the hardest thing I have done, well almost. First its making your mind up to sell. Then its the realator. Then the packing of the items you can't live without and discarding the thing you can. Of coarse you don't know where all the stuff came from and most of it is just to good to get rid of. lol Then its keeping the home spotless for all the showings that you get if your lucky a 30 min. notice. Then you get offers that are always alittle below your price because maybe the rug has a spot on it. Oh the fun and joy of selling a home. You are dealing with a major life event on top of your stroke so give yourself a break and cry scream or just vent all you want. We'll listen. Linda

 

[sonomachas]

I couldn't agree more with what you are going through' I think we all try to think postive, work hard, be cooperative and look for an

improvement, sometimes regardless of effort, nothing happens for A time but we have to accept maybe this is the way we are

and keep on trucking, and don't let down your effort. This may too simplistics, but I know the feeling.

GOOD LUCK

[ksaul]

thanks everyone - i really did loose it - but thanks to my friends here, i have found it again. it is a new day and my attitude has been readjusted! kathy

[LieslMcQ]

Oh Kathy, I so know what you're going through. I strongly believe that the rough patches, even the small bouts of self pity are a necessary part of keeping a positive attitude. You can't be up, up, up all the time, right? They highlight the importance of staying positive but they also let us release some of the damned stress that these things cause. In other words, don't beat yourself up for feeling low!

 

I swear, I've written posts just like this one. Good for you for getting it out and owning your feelings. A lot of people would allow it to make them bitter, clearly not you!

[Outsider]

UP and DOWN.... IN and OUT.

God this ride sux rotten eggs from time to time and sure we're going to "pine" for who we were pre stroke, and that I think is normal.

I look at it as if I really did die the day of my stroke and was reborn in a new but broken body.

I still excersize everyday in some fashion and today it is helping me get through my own rough patch.

Kids are really grating my nerves today but we'll get through it.

Hang in there Kathy we're in the boat with you cheering you on.

When the next rough spot comes you can turn to us.

[brain2005]

Wow ... I am blown away by this new interface. Someone in IT needs to be really acknowledged for this great work!! BRAVO .. BELLISIMO ..

 

Kathy! I have been where you are many, many times. Do you know that for a while after my stroke, I thought of taking my life, what was left of it anyway. Thank Heavens I did not. What did I do? I started up my own online stroke survivor support group and started doing volunteer work there, in my local support group, and at my Temple. And yes, I suffered horribly with head pain for many months. I still do, but it is more bearable now since my docs switched me to Cymbalta, which is a darn good anti-depressant (an SSRI) that also contains a non-narcotic pain fighting property.

You have done the correct thing here. You are sharing your pain with others with whom you share a common history and similar prospects. I seriously doubt there is one survivor out there who cannot empathize with you, feel you pain and frustration and support you gladly and without reservation. I know I cannot.

 

I acknowledge and admire your candor, courage, and Belief in posting this message. You're the BEST! Hugs, WALTER (brain2005)

[bill bateman]

Kathy,

You're not alone. You have friends all over the place, although you might not be aware of us.

I just got finished posting a request for prayer. I, too, feel alone. It's tough to be dealing with all the nuances of a stroke with the mental and emotional implications. I'm not sure non-strokers truly appreciate how screwed up our worlds become. It's a nightmare from which there is no waking.

For whatever it's worth, I'm here for you.

Bill

[scrapdoo]

Hi Kathy! I am glad you got out your frustrations! You are human and that means good and bad days. We are here for you during both kinds of days. We are family! We will help hold you up when you are down!

 

You have my permission to have bad days and come here to vent! Beth

[john88]

Good or bad days we are here for you.

Hang in there and don't let the baddies win.

 

John

 

 

[lliu]

Hi Kathy,

 

I hope your days have gotten better and you've had time to enjoy the holidays. Think positive and remember that you have many friends here to offer support when you're feeling down.

[Farrell]

Hi to one having a hard time too who feels like her worth is only a hindrance to her family a fraction of the

time. For the most part I do well with God's help, but when I see my family getting frustrated with me due to my not being able to handle stress at all during this time of the year. I have 4 children and a very good husband for the better part. But the 2 oldest girls 20 & 21. It is very hard for them as my adjusting to the in and out of friends is hard on me. But after a day I adjust. then we adopted 2 children as I just had my brain hemorage back in Dec. 97 They still live w/ us as there still in high school. My second oldest girl said I'm just trying to help you Mom but little does she know that doesn't work. Just loving me as i am helps tons. I had an AVM in my brain hemorage on me causing my right side to be paralyzed and the executive part of my brain to be damaged. IN the nursing home they had very good therapists , i then went to hospital & had AVM removed , over the course of about 3-4 yrs. I've recovered but my loser right leg i wear a brace on, i drive w/ left foot gas peedle in a small town. Just want you to know just keep walking forward, I feel alone so much of the time but have a wonderful, caring family for the most part understand, but I will never forget a therapist telling me to never expect your family to see you as anything but normal. I don't take to changes good at all! I don't have a support group here. So I turn to GOd who helps tremendously & friends. So don't feel alone in your despair, you are most certainly my friend & I am with you in word and understanding of your situation. Nancy