idbl_fanatic Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Well, Tuesday, the 12th will be one year for me since my stroke, and with it coming up, I dunno, I just feel, I dunno, scared, confused, afraid. Anyone else feel this way? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Rick, First of all - congrats on the upcoming one year mark. The first year is one of the toughest - not that it becomes a paradise after that but, for me, it marked a time when I began my acceptance of what happened. Don't get me wrong here - I don't think I'll ever fully accept what happened that day but I've learned to count my blessings - large and small - post stroke. I reached my 3rd year mark on New Year's Day 2008 and have finally stopped comparing myself to my life pre- stroke. When I think back to that time it's almost like a lifetime ago, a "once-upon-a-time". I have learned to focus on what I can accomplish now that I couldn't accomplish on that fateful day or shortly thereafter. Life is today and the tomorrows to come. We're blessed to have another chance. I wish for you continued recovery and God's blessings for many many many more years to come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelBaker Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Hi Rick - I echo Donna's sentiments, the first year is the roughest, I know my own was. Not to say that the second has been easy either, however, it has marked a time of things stabilizing and my thoughts clearing (I've had and stil have a lot of emotional lability) but with counseling and a lot of patience with myself and from my family. But to answer your question directly, the first year anniversary is: - scary because you feel like you've dodged a bullet (I know they tell you that many stroke survivors have another stroke within the first year). - a time of guilt because you start to realize how much work everyone has done to help you rehab and you may not feel worthy of it (BELIEVE ME, YOU ARE!!!!!) :wub2: - much doubt... will I get any more function back? (very good possibility) Should I continue to work so hard? (YES!) Will it happen again? (Doubtful with the medication you are most likely on and lifestyle changes). :hug: Your second year will be better in many ways - keep focused on that. Plan a celebration for youself to commemorate the day, do what you like best and enjoy your success! You have truly survived! :cheer: :cheer: :Dance: Peace, calmness, hope, and strength - Mel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myhome Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Aprehensive might be a better word maybe? Yes it feels like you've dodged a bullet and you keep wondering will it happen again? No one really knows, so relax and love your family and friends like there's no tommorrow, and they will love you back like there's no tommorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 Hi Rick. Yes ..... April 28,2004 wa the first yr anniversay date. Apprehension, a bit scared.. and "what the he____ next? Well I woke up that morning.. kind of looking and checking parts.. ( I had woken up on thta day a yr before in the process of stroke). I got dressed and I think I went to my husbands shop... #1. I wasn't sure I wanted to be alone that day. #2. I would be close to Dr and hospital if needed. I don't think I mentioned the date to my husband until afternoon... he gave me a hug and said wow. The first year is definately the worst... as other's have said .... you learn to Compare yourself to a few days or weeks post stroke..Then you can see how far you have come. There is NEVER any time to think "this is as good as it get's" You keep challenging yourself.. I finally started walking better in the 2nd and 3 rd years... You will have some bad days.... But the BETTER days out-weigh the bad ones. You learn how to adapt and hand le yourself better.. you like yourself. You will always have times that you miss pre stroke days.. You are not and idiot.. but relalistically ... you know where you are... and you know it will get better.. I wasn't sure I wanted any... congrats.. or celebration,, it was more of a Wheewh I am still here. Best Wishes and a BIG HUGE HUG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady k Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 it seemed for me when i got to the fitsy anniversary, i woke up and found out the nightmare was real, and maybe i should do more things i used to could do, that was when i started pushing the boundaries more and finally started asking more questions. i was finally leaving the fog behind and where was i going from here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2ndChance Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 At one year, it seems impossible to delude yourself anymore that you'll find a miracle cure or that you'll ever get your original life back. It's really a turning point for most survivors, I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fking Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Rick, Just think of the fact that you've made it for a year even being Scared, Depressed and at times Confused which all of us has experienced at some point in our recovery process. Just think of the good things like being alive, able to get about and communicate on here. Start looking forward to year number TWO. :congrats: on your first year! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smarshall Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Hi Rick, My anniversary is coming up also. It doesn't sting as much as it used to; it has gotten better. I'm actually learning new things about stroke; always learning.......for me that's been key. It's quite remarkable how we adapt to things we never even gave a thought to before. I still get depressed at times, but that's gotten better too; in fact just the other day I managed to get an ice tray to the freezer without spilling any!! I physically might have been ready to do that a lot sooner, but my self confidence took quite a hit, and I just didn't feel ready. It takes time, but it does get better. Take care, Susan:Typing: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikisteph Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 Hi Rick, If any of us were to stop and think we would all be depressed, confused and scared but i am sure i am not alone in saying i rarely think about it. I live my life looking forward. I had a huge brainstem bleed out of the blue five years ago and last week i celebrated my 60th birthday, which i never thought i would. I am now looking forward to my 70th. Take care, Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kanderson Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 hi rick, congrats on your upcoming anniversary. yes it can be scary but you should celebrate too. you have reached a milestone. i just had my 6th on 1-5. its just another day to me anymore. we are survivors from day one, thats the biggest celebration. just try and enjoy the day, you deserve it. make the most of your days anyway you can. relax, you have an angel watching over you. take care and god bless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
achapman Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 Oh Yeah! My 3rd anniversary is coming up. Hang on to that self-confidence--it's what keep you going. I still find it hard to accept that there are those--close to me and otherwise that think of me and think "Stroke." Be determined to overcome that. Let's all be determined that stroke not be the "disease" that is forgotten, and hang in there together. None of us asked for it, but we can help each other. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow55038 Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 Hi, Rick: Well, tomorrow is an important day for you. Just breathe deeply, hold your chin up and say, "HEY, I MADE IT!" Like others have said, the first anniversary was a turning point for many of us. I took my one-year anniversary off from work. I cried at 12:15 pm (the time at which I went boom), and my emotions ran the gamut all day long as I replayed the events of that fateful day in 2006. Yes, I sulked that day--because I think we all deserve to mourn ourselves. The next day, I realized that, "Heck, I'm still here. I beat the odds! Yippee!" The second year was so much easier--trust me. So, do mourn for yourself. But, do also celebrate--you made it, and that's something worth cheering about! :laughbounce: Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapdoo Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 Rick, As you can tell by the number of responses, anniversaries are full of memories! Think to other anniversaries in your life. Do you have any anniversaries of other events that you have many varieties of emotions relating to? I know for me every anniversary date for my stroke is scary, depressing, confusing, happy, sad and on. My first anniversary I was at a volunteer function for a local stroke group. I brought cupcakes to celebrate with the group. Very emotional for me. I am even getting tears thinking about it now. I too went home and spent much time crying. I think that was my 'getting it out' time. I haven't experienced the same intensity of emotions since. Just try to accept it and let it happen. Be nice to yourself. Do what activities you feel like. This is a place to come and chat or post or IM people. You can spend the day with us! Beth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idbl_fanatic Posted February 12, 2008 Author Share Posted February 12, 2008 Well, thank you all for the support, and I think that I probably SHOULD have taken today off from work............but here I am...............on the way in, I started thinking about it, and broke down and started crying, luckily I commute with my wife, and we talked about it, but I am still scared, I know that this is a great milestone, but it is still hard. Like others have said, it is just full of memories, that I would rather forget. I have a feeling that this whole week will be this way for me, as I was in the hospital for a week. I dunno.......I would much rather just be at home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapdoo Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 Rick, How did the rest of the day go? Maybe a 'sweet' Valentine's Day is just what you need! Beth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idbl_fanatic Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 Rick, How did the rest of the day go? Maybe a 'sweet' Valentine's Day is just what you need! Beth Well.....................I'm still here......................... :happy new yea: LOL It went ok, just tried to stay busy to keep my mind off of it, we took our daughter to her gymnastics class like a normal Tuesday, and then we went out for dinner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapdoo Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Rick, How are you doing 1 week after your anniversary? I have been thinking about you. I hope all is going well for you! Beth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idbl_fanatic Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 Rick, How are you doing 1 week after your anniversary? I have been thinking about you. I hope all is going well for you! Beth I'm doing ok, still, I dunno................can't really put it into words. But I will be ok I guess, I got outside this past weekend and did some work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzie-q Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I am nearing my 3rd anniversary. My first one was by far the hardest. I took the day off work with the idea of doing something fun for myself; however, this did not happen. I was so anxious the night before about the coming day, that I didn't get any sleep and spent the next day sleeping. The second one and my upcoming third one, I felt like celebrating my life. I took the day off again (and will this time too) and had a day of personal celebration and pampering. It was fun. It has become such a deal to me that I have convinced a friend to be a work skipper and party with me on what I call "Survivor Day." Believe me, it does get easier. Susan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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