I just dont understand. On Friday, I had 2 attacks but I tried to brush them off. I was so grateful when I slept peacefully the entire weekend. On Saturday the group leader of one of my church groups offered to give me a ride so I was able to go to girl's night after all. We had dinner then went to open mic poetry night. I had an attack at the poetry night but I guess no one noticed. It didn't bother me too much because even though I got home late, I slept good and I was just happy I got out and about.

Sunday was even better. After a peaceful night's rest, my dad drove me to church. I usually go to the first service but because of the weather my dad took me to the 2nd service. The pastor changed the service because he felt like someone in church needed a miracle so he did an altar call. I was so glad to be in that service. I got prayer and I felt so good. I had no attacks at all that day and woke up with a smile on my face yesterday morning.

Yesterday was going great until the afternoon. I had an attack but tried to keep believing that I had received my miracle and was healed. Then I had another attack about 2 hours later. For some reason last night I could not sleep. I was not sleepy then I had 2 attacks as I was trying to fall asleep. I decided to just text my bestfriend and mess with my phone until I got sleepy but by this time it was 12am and I had ANOTHER attack. Luckily I was sleepy so I finally fell asleep.

I woke up having ANOTHER attack so I just laid there because I didnt know what to do. I finally decided to look at the clock thinking it was morning but it was 2:15 a.m! I knew if I fell back asleep I would probably just have more attacks so I just never went back to sleep. I cant count how many attacks I have had today. I lost count. I went to the doctor this morning and told him everything. He thinks its anxiety but it just doesnt make sense. How can I have an anxiety attack in my sleep? Its like my clonazepam is no longer effective. It doesnt help me fall asleep anymore and the attacks have gotten worse when they do happen. He is going to look at my blood electrolytes glucose, etc so I am hoping he will find something we can fix because this whole "anxiety" diagnosis just does not make sense to me. He also wants me to get my heart checked.

Everything was going so good. I was trying to wait to blog but since I have my follow up on my colonoscopy tomorrow I wanted to blog while I could at least remember something positive (my weekend). My day has been rotten. The nightmares, the lack of sleep, the constant confusing frustrating dizzy spells. This reminds me of when I was depressed. I would just stay depressed because it was easier to stay in the state of depression and bad things felt natural versus feeling happy and hopeful only for horrible things to happen out of the blue.