scrappier

great thought...on shattered glass thanks too

Well, three out of the four of us ran to dinner last night and when I went out to step in the car, I was amazed. My face did not feel like it was going to freeze and drop off. The air felt cold and refreshing for once not fridgid. This is the kind of winter I can handle. Even still if only for a few minutes at a time, but it is one that gives me hope and the optimism that I can take a quick 5 or 10 minute walk, like my mother is always harping at me to do. The women is 77 and she walks twice a day, no matter the weather. My daughter likes to brag that her grandma is a dynamowho loves walking, gambling, reading good books, bakes to much for all of our own good and can be found at her condo assoc. pool all summer in spite of having skin cancer (the low risk) kind taken off her nose. She is a wonder and some healthy competition for me to come back to that kind of brave optimistic broad that just soldiers on day after day being glad for what life's given her. On the other hand there's my "not really for real" (as she so eloquently referred to herself the very first time I met her (!) because she is technically my step mother in law. She (in the 20 years I've witnessed) has never happy unless she is aquiring something or in the midst of accomplishing her latest goal of aquiring something...Be it a different house, a new kitchen (she just got a new 5 years ago and its already not good and is currently being redone) or whatever business move to make her future more secure....and then the happiness is only temporary till she off fretting again on how she will get whatever the next urgent thing is she needs. I've truly never witnessed such a striver. With that kind of searching mentality, looking inside at herself, might save her from her aquiremania....but then again that might be what she's trying not to do. Her fear of what she may find..stopping her, its truly a shame, I NEVER want my kids to ever think they are the sum total of what they have in material things. Coming from a family where I was raised more to appreciate what I do have (material and education, and what I could do with it) instead of focusing on what I haven't gotten "yet". I thought in this "season of dreary" weather to think about what everyone is truly glad to be or to have in their life. Even just the thought of being here to grumble about the weather is something, we'll be glad to say we persevered thru another winter, a bit ago we (many of us) were struggling with walking and talking moreso than now hopefully...better than not being here because every day, every hour, every minute everyone is given the same chance to make it a better minute or hour or day than before..and since there's no grass to plea to mow or weeds to pull, I thought we've got the time..... Its really up to you how you choose to think towards this life of yours and how you wish to handle it. Sure day to day life gets tiring and I wonder if it's just me and is it just our life or anyone's seems as tiring and repetitive in esp. this winter weather? Summer seems to zip by (except for those stifling humid days are to me worse than winter!) but I can't help but stop and wonder is it more the way we face any certain thing for that matter, that make us think its either hard or easy??? We all have situations that we can't always partly control, but how we look at what we do with the moments is based more on attitude than anything. If we look at something as a bore it ends up being a bore just like if we look forward to something, it usually igoes too fast.. I think it was interesting to read that years from now we regret more what we choose not to do or go after than what we did. If we don't try how will we ever know? But if we do nothing then we know what the outcome will be..nothing It's not to me the trip or the new car that matter but more the memories and chances we tooke to do the things that we all invariably say we'd "like" to do someday...well folk's that some day is here and now. Take a timer and set it to a minute and wait till the bell goes off...That's one more minute you'll never get back, so why not start right now, reaching for that inner goal that you've always said you'd like to do. No one else has your dream, it's your's only to go after. What are you waiting for? If you truly want it bad enough, you'll find a way.. no one is going to go get it for you.push whatever fear aside it only has as much power as you give it, whatever skill or speciality people consider you to have, then they'll think of you as a "pro" and that is another example of just another amateur who refused to quit... :Clap-Hands: So the time is now! It can be being the best parent, grandparent, friend, knitter, baker, woodworker whatever....what kind of memories do we want to leave behind? Think of that as your legacy...what you taught your loved ones..My mom or dad/grandma or grandpa aunt or uncle, sister or brother could really....(fill in)...........build a memory that you want of you...

I've got a friend who's really having a tough go of it. Her father is ill and undergoing a rather rough treatment. The hospital that is doing his treatments is like 2 hours from his house. A month ago, he came up with the brillant idea of inviting himself to bunk at my friends house for a few days after being at the hospital since her house is exactly halfway between the hospital and his residence. Now she is really feeling like the scum on the bottom of your shoe because she's tried to do this for a few weekends and its just making the problems that are already in the house worse. She can feel the tension building. That her son and husband resent her father(who treated them badly in the past) invading their privacy and acting entitled in the process. Besides the total lack of privacy, her father not doing his best at being an unintrusive or (God-forbid)gracious guest, her family is already trying to find their equilibrium again, after a family crisis with the oldest teen and she is trying to get a marriage that had moments of being on shaky ground to more solid footing. My friend has very bad memories of the way she and her two brothers were basically left to fend for themselves after their father won custody of them. It was basically a revenge move by their father against the mother for daring to leave them in the first place. Basically both parents were pretty messed up and had no business bring kids into the world when they were doing too well to begin with. My friend feels in the middle because her brothers have such bad memories of their youth that even tho their father is in a bad way with several medical conditions they refuse to talk to him for the way they grew up was so painful. Being the only daughter my friend wants to help her dad ( a narcisist) but not to the detriment of her own family. Even mentioning a third phone line for him wuld be nice. My friend is fairly well off (due to her husband's work ethic) and picked her as the obvious choice sine he burned so many bridges in the past.. I admire her for putting her family first but I'm also trying to help her resolve her feelings of wanting to help this man who had treated them all so badly when young. He basically was only worried about himself then and signs of being the same way shine thru when he's not watching his behavior... So it really is a lesson when I tell and show my kids the old addage of treat others the way you want to be treated....In your time of true need, the people you treated well will be there for you and the ones that you didn't treat well, may find this hard to do. :2cents:

I've been cold all day and I'm a sweater gal! But I'm even wishing for spring but I'd rather be stuck in the now if it weren't sooo cold, that yelling at kid's over who mowed the lawn last is not a blast and then the presence of grass would mean there are invariably weeds in the yard calling my name! But then there's that stifling humidty so no wonder I think the cold crisp air is refreshing.....till I get cold, which is maybe half a minute. How about you? Has ANYONE gotten their personal thermostats working again?? I can't imagine not loving hot chocolate or tea and a great long simmered beaf stew with a good red wine... JGive us winter just not the tundra...I can love this as long as I don't have to drive in blizzards! Has any of the gals seen a really cute sweater out early in the stores in July or August and bought it? If I really love it I'll try it on and maybe buy it. I anticipate fall and then snowflakes not -30's!!!! I feel like the cold is just creeping in everywhere and I'm sick of wiping down the insides of the windows for the water that the ice produces after the shades are up in the morning. Like I said I'm a primo sweater lover, but 2 at one time, now I'm starting to feel like a sausage..... I dread getting out of the nice warm bed into the cold air, but since my husband is not a coffee drinker I'd be waiting till eternity if I thought he'd bring it to me. The only thing that tempts me out (besides the thought of a headache if I stayed longer) is that I have one of the automatic timer coffee pots that my dear ole mom got me when I had to face toddlers...I'm sure she figured I needed all the caffeine I could plug into me. Now who besides me sees coffee as the elixir to the short term spurt of energy? I try to make the most of morning cause I still want to crash at 1 or 2... I'm also the resident bad, bad mom on the block. I would gladly suspend school after snow/cold has shown it's wintery face! School off for everyone if you leave me to my laundry, cooking and internet unless I get drawn into a good card game or taste comparison of something with chocolate..School should be off till April, sounds about right to me...Winter is for books, cooking, watching pretty sunrises, loving your comfy clothes , eating and drinking winter treats. To me that makes winter the coolest only when it's not doing it's best to imitate antartica....Is there anyone brave enough to partake in any winter time activities? I'd be the spectator looking out the window! Stay Warm! :bop:

I've blogged in the past and just haven't blogged in quite a while and want to get in the habit of writing more often. Writing in many types of genres... and also sign up for some online writing courses... Hope everyone is keeping warm. ALSO THAT NOT A SOUL'S PIPES ARE BURSTING (YES THAT'S HAPPENING AND PEOPLE ARE GETTING SEPTIC TANK GAS INSIDE THEIR HOUSES FROM THE COLD, ICK!) THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN THIS COLD COUPLED WITH EITHER FIRE OR WATER...I PRAY EVERY NIGHT FOR FIREMEN IN THIS COLD. This cold has shown me a couple things with my stroke that I hadn't realized. I may finally be sleeping pretty normally (I think going thru a fast menopause may have also been the culprit, I seem to be done with the 1am's wake-ups- I hope!),but I sure have not gotten used to the cold. If my feet get cold that's it. It takes FOREVER for my feet to warm up(my 17lb maine black person cat likes to sit on my feet when I type when my feet are on HER STOOL, so it works for me and her) THAT is another reason why I hate going out on winter nights. NOT just the night driving but the idea of this coldness. I have always hated getting back into a cold car (before stroke)and I go way out of my way to avoid doing anything at night unless DH is going and then I make him go start the car when its cold. Heck, he snomobiles so he loves cold weather. Not me! I admit I like being warm. Being cold somehow makes me feel insecure, that I will have car trouble, another accident, just do not want to have to be out in the cold on the side of a road especially at night most of all! I like being warm and secure and in my jami's by 7. What a turtle for 47! What can I say I've learn my likes and dislikes for winter nights--doesn't sound abnormal to me in a mid-west winter that people say on the radio is colder than antartica! GOSH DO I HOPE THAT'S NOT ACCURATE! I love Chicago in the spring, summer and fall and I like winter just as long as I can see it from my window! Good night! :big_grin:

FEEL SORRY FOR US, THEY SAY -28 BELOW HERE IN CHI-TOWN.....UGH!!!!! And then I get to hear how the relatives in Phoenix are freezing?...it's in the 50's, cry me a river, kiss my butt!.... I once went to a garding seminar that dealt with our weather extremes and gardening and they said we have the same winter weather as the Siberia!!! Huh? :cheer: :dribble: :cheer: :dribble: Thank God for the SUPERBOWL! It will get all of Chicago's mind off of freezing our tushies for at least a few hours. Now the weathermen say it will last for the next 8 days!!! ick! I will have kids climbing walls a bit. Especially so since I have one in particular that had already been at home for 5 days last week SICK BIG TIME, so he's shockingly sick of video games. We've been playing alot of poker lately...Seems like every time I have a pairs of Aces, some kid has a royal flush. And I won't even address the question of my husband's sanity to have gone snomoin in upper MI this weekend....should have questioned it, 20 years ago when he wanted to move out of the southwest, cause he missed the seasons of the Mid-west? huh we could have drove to Flagstaff for the day for fall or winter weather... I have countrystyle pork cuts cooking in my crock pot for game time, slathered with barbeque rub from Weber Grill for pulled pork sandwiches and slaw! Also have a Lou Malanti pizza in my freezer for the kiddo's. How Chicago is that! I may have to see how hot chocolate goes with those or tea? The news has been spouting all week how we can tailgate in Soldier's Field and as of this am, not hearing of anyone hitting that parking lot...it's outside---- reason enough---- and then there's that wind off Lake Michigan. Considering we have those shirtless crazy fans at Soldiers Field in the winter, I wonder if some obsessives s will end up out there? I had had my stroke by Thanksgiving and made it into RIC in Chicago by December and spent some of my time watching Lake Michigan freeze over while there....Not something I want to spend another second thinking of....I need to conjuer up thoughts of how hot and sweaty it was waiting outside of Shedd last July.... GIVE ME WARMTH...... ohhhhh baby get here spring ASAP! SEND US SOME WARMTH...GO BEARS!!!! :cheer:

On the days that either I'm tired from not sleeping well or letting the million of little things I'm suppose to do, make me feel overwhelmed. I try to realize that either being tired or getting off regular exercise (like just walking) gets me down. I at times feel like I am screwing up my kids because one has such a smart mouth (teen) but he blames it on me being the same way towards him. I am just so frustrated. My husband is gone all day and most of the evening and I don't know (but it seems) there is SO MUCH work for him to keep track of I try not to think he stays away because of me and the way I feel at times. I like to write and they say that more creative types are at times depressive and same thing goes for being a woman and stroker, so I'm really getting whopped..I hate this, I wish I could remember when I felt objective. I don't want to pass this on to my kids or have this be their predominant memory of growing up. I hate this and want to stop it...I just wish I could feel genuinely optimistic about my life and life in general. I have good days and bad ones... I haven't worked in years and have no confidence to be able to do anything, that I could contribute. I feel useless and can just cook, wash clothes and even am nervous for driving with all the traffic due to a recent accident (not out fault) and I think it set me back to square one. Its like if I don't do something all the time then I quickly lose confidence in even being able to do it. But then I try to remember when life's got you down, it's up to each one of us. The plasticity of the brain is a remarkable thing and we're building new neurons all the time, even into our 70's. We CAN make the most of each situation for each of us by the way we choose to handle things, not flying off the handle. Take a breath....Life is what we make it, good or bad....personal responsibility and not putting it on others for blame... So I try to take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. I try to be really mindful of my reactions. Knowing its up to me how I react and that its my mind and what comes out of my mouth is solely me, no one is telling me to say whatever I say. I did get a second chance at life and I should try to ALWAYS remember that....I also do pray alot to make me be the person I want to be..its hard at times but are only choice is to persevere...make goals and make ourselves our own project..its our life not anyone else's that both for our reactions and what we want our life to be now..

Yes the rehab had to test me to drive to let me drive but it seems like those two accidents scared me cause I notice that if I don't do something regularly then I lose confidence...Weren't you scared for your kid turning 16?. Scares me for him and lickety split drivers on the road who think they own it. I'm 46 and seemed to go thru menopause early and have anxiety about scary or risky things. I had stroked because of a chiro treatment that tore my artery. So a dr asked of fears cause that would be traumatizing how it was caused. Its that old you look fine so you should be fine and fearless...no being cautious.. Even when my kid had kind of a faster than safe driving instuctor who liked them taking corners fast even my kid felt uncomfortable and I said you need to feel like you have your vehicle under control but then he thinks when I drive things won't have cars move unexpectedly like going straight when they have their turning signals on and you turn on their information...I've gotten better, I use to drive with sweaty palms, we just have a congested Nascar kind of area...I am careful for others cause this is a good size car...thinking of me as well as them....

I feel like I'm starting to drive all over again. I want to hide in my house forever. In the morning rush hour traffic, the whole world is going tooooo fast for me...I've had one person hit me 6mo while I was waiting for a school she was on her cell ohone) and then my son was student driving and had two cars cut in front of him on the mad rush of being out of school for Thanksgiving on a two lane and then they hit each other causing us to have nowhere to go but into them and they cause almost ten thousand in damage to my car and it was gone to be repaired for 2 months. Today was the first time I've driven my repaired car in the morning rush hour and I'm the only one going the speed limit on this two lane with people whipping around me cause I won't go 60 in a 45mph zone. Scares me to death as I have had a new brakes job and the brakes aren't (its seems) as quick to kick in...everyone says oh you're just used to the loaner car... I don't know I just wish I had some other way to get my kid to his school(20 min away) but he would rag about the CTA bus which stops across the street from my intersection, cause its late to school often and there is no place good to park to wait for the bus (in winter) without also getting hit... Someone (dr) told me I could have had traumatic stress from the way my stroke hit(chiro) and now that I've been hit twice in the last year and you add to it having a neuro tell you never have an accident (since you had had a dissection in the 1st place -I could stroke again, had a friend stroke from a whiplash) I'm like sweaty palming it driving again...The wet and snow doesn't help it....I wish I could just stay out of the morning rush...but there is no one else and my son acts like I'm being a pain in the neck, but a kid has no idea where my head is...I'm like please let your mom proceed with what I feel comfortable with and not in over my head...I just wish I could stay in the house forever......

Oh gosh AJ, I know what you mean with the writing. Whatever I write, now I do not send it till I reread it the next day first. Sometimes I can really see how I was in a totally different mindset some days. Now, I just have to get better about holding my thoughts (but mainly my temper) when something really torks me. The other night, we were trying to have dinner in this crowded restaurant. The group of 5 sitting next to us were drinking quite heavily and this one guy was really swearing alot, REALLY bad for a public place. There was a family with three little girls sitting there and finally I could not take it anymore, he kept doing it even tho I kept shooting looks at him. Finally on our way out I called him a fouled mouth idiot and pointed to the little girls and he starts yelling "its a public place" to which I shot back "yeah and we're all being subjected to your mouth!".....I (having kids) have known how upset I used to be by people who give a darn children are present when they use that kind of language. Its so rude...but just made me so mad for this family- they're night was wasted by him and his language not to mention our dinner experience too...

I use a white index card and read line by line. It blocks the perifieral stuff and makes it easier for me to focus reading. If I hadn't finally found this method I'd still be reading that dang DaVinci Code Sometimes (almost 4 years lator) I scan shelves in the grocery or read things too quickly and make mistakes. I need to slow down and not feel so rushed...

OMG, usually I can control it more in public EXCEPT when someone else starts crying (in this case it was a woman who had just lost her 8 year old to cancer and her husband a little over a year ago) she started giving testimony to our school board about how great our director was to her. When she started there's no way I could hold back. We still lost the director to our board's "wisdom", so now we don't have a director or a principle and 18 days before school. Its gotten better (EL)than before but I can still cry too over dumb things....

yeah, we were lucky. At the doubletree/hilton now our a/c kept being too cold despite setting it lower....

hey, just wanted to add the Flax seed oil is still doin the trick for me. I'm even sleepin thru this friggin heat right now. I also don't have the swaying like I did before or the figiting leg when I go to sleep either....love it-----there is a God! :big_grin:

I'm hosting family from Phoenix (valley of the sun a'hmmmm-wimps) and they swear they have never felt it hotter than yesterday in Chicago. We took the kids to Shedd Aquar. yesterday and decided to walk back up to Mich Ave. along the lake shore. We made it half way and flagged a taxi. It was 100 on the temperature thing in my car but the heat index was 107. The thing that was the kicker was the taxi had all his windows rolled up but the a/c only in the front of the taxi (which my son and nephew enjoyed) while we finally said the heck with it and lower windows in the back as the girls and toddler nephew were close to getting heat stroke. I told her (SIL)"WE DO NOT DO THIS WHEN ITS LIKE THIS, WE MUST MISS AND LOVE YOU ALOT, 'CAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WE'D PLAY TOURISM DIRECTOR FOR in this kind of weather". They admit they have never felt heat like this before---so much for the true culprit the stinkin humidity!!!!!! Some Apartment buildings in Chicago, some of which lost power, had buses taking them to a cooling center which the city rigged up in Mc Cormick center. They brought in food and games for kids, movies for adults. I was surprised how fast the city moved on this. It was a wicked day!!!People think we're brave to live here thru our 0 degree winter days. Right now I think its more the last week of July we deserve a metal for.... :blush: :cheer: :ranting:

When you start having bad thoughts about previous occurances start humming "I'm going to wash that man right out of my hair". (wink) You're on the upswing. I agree 1. take it out on the weeds. 2. Paint over the rooms is cheery new colors (if you guys can) 3) Meditate on how far you've come and what you'd like to make your future... 4) Start your own "new life" program :friends: :giggle:

i THINK MY KIDS AND HUBBIE WILL LIKE THIS...WE HAVE A CHICKEN ENCHILDA RECIPE THEY LIKE EVERY OTHER WEEK! YOU GOT SOME GREAT IDEAS HERE! GREAT JOB YOU SOULD DO YOU'RE OWN COOK BOOK

yOU MAY NOT END UP WITH ANY SAUCE WITH THIS SUGGESTION BUT HAVE YOU EVER TRIED ROAST TOMATOES? JUST PREP THEM THE SAME WITH THE TOP OF THE TOMATO CUT OFF AND ROAST UNDER THE BROILER WITH THE ONION, GARLIC AND SPICES AND BRUSH WITH SOME OLIVE OIL AND ADD SOME BREAD CRUMBS IF YA WANT...OH I'D RATHER THIS THAN STEAK! SORRY IF I MESS UP YOUR TOMATO/RATIO FOR YOUR SAUCE...LOVE THE SAUCE IDEA AND I'M A GAZPACHO NUT, NOW I'LL TRY DIGGING FOR THAT :big_grin: GOOD FOOD, GOOD LAUGHS, GOOD WINE, MY IDEA OF A GOOD LIFE! THE SIMPLE STUFF :big_grin: :Clap-Hands:

I'M SORRY I WANT TO SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOF TOPS!!! I ACTUALLY SLEPT LIKE I HAVEN'T SLEPT SINCE THE STROKE. I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING THE SHANGRILA DIET AND SOME PEOPLE ARE TAKING FLAX SEED OIL CAPS OR FISH OIL AND FOUND IT HELPS THEIR SLEEP, MOOD (byproduct from the sleep?) and BALANCE....I'M TAKING 1000 MG CAPS 2 CAPS AT MORNING, LUNCH AND NIGHT TIME...I'M 5'5" AND 130 (WAS 137 AND EASILY LOST 7 LBS IN THE LAST MONTH ON THIS). BUT I KEPT SAYING I'LL TAKE SLEEP OVER LOSING THE WEIGHT... GOSH I FEEL REALLY GOOD.....I FEEL LIKE I REALLY SLEPT....LOOK UP OMEGA 3'S....WE SUPPOSIDLY GET TOO MANY OMEGA 6'S AND NOT ENOUGH 3'S..... :big_grin: :cheer: HOPE THIS HELPS SOMEONE!

AJ-if my memory is right-you already survived the teenage'hood with yours??!! :Dr_Evil:

some days they can make ya feel like the only tree in the kennel and then other days (like yesterday) when its all worthwhile because they want you to be home with them...."we'd miss you!!" Can't say I hear their friends sound like that too often....I find it ironic to their "let me alone!" moments....maybe that's why I'm the mom who feels like she has neighborhood in her living room (and my fridge) some days! :big_grin: :hug: