Wearing a Mask
I feel like I am wearing a mask. I have to cover up how I really feel. When I am hopeless I have to hide it with faith. When I have given up, I have to hide it with acceptance. When I truly am tired of being like this, I have to hide it by displaying thankfulness for life. I can never truly be myself. Ever since 2001, I have been the one people look to for inspiration. Since graduation I have spoke at 3 different churches and I speak again next month. I AM thankful for live, I DO believe Jesus is a healer, it's just that I get tired of only showing this side to people. I always keep a smile on my face and never let anyone see me shed a tear. When my good arm is tired from typing at work or my bad shoulder is starting to get stiff and sore from sitting at my desk so long, I just keep typing and make conversation. In my mind I really want to tell everyone in my office how tired I am. When my co-workers ask "Do you need a hand" (no pun intended I guess) I always say no I got it but in my mind I really want the help. I just don't want to feel defeated. I feel like I have to be Katrina the inspiration 24/7. If I take off this mask, I will be letting everyone down. I will no longer be the one everyone looks up to, I will be the one they look down on. I just wish I could be myself sometimes.