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A male caregiver's prospective on caregiving


oldman57

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Last night during the caregiver support chat, a young lady stroke survivor came into the room. Correct me if I misunderstood her ladies, but I believe she was looking for answers as to why her husband wasn't showing any emotions. There was only 2 of us male caregivers amongst all you nice ladies in there. I tried to help as I could. Per Debbie's suggestion and thinking about it all night I decieded to try and blog about the subject. Don't know that it will help or not but I will give it a try anyways.

 

I truly believe the big difference in caregiving attitude between men and women is the age old battle of the sexes. You ladies out there (correct me if I am wrong please) do most of the caregiving for sick and disabled loved ones. I believe that comes from a natural instinct you ladies have for mothering and nurturing the babies as they come along. Also you are raised that it is ok for a lady to express and vent your emotions. Thus I think this gives you a leg up on us poor old men trying our hand at caregiving.

 

One thing ladies, don't think you have market cornered with the caregiving. There are a few of us males out here doing the work too. We are just far and few between battling our stupid male egos to keep it hush hush. Now if I remember her name correctly, kelli part of your husbands lack of emotions is probably due to the same reason I have trouble showing kitty much emotion. I was raised that a man doesn't show his emotions. As her husband, and male in the house I feel I have to keep myself emotionally strong in order to help her. I am truely sorry for this stupid macho attitude most of us males have. You just have to try understanding for the most part it is how we are raised.

 

I hope I have been some help to you. I would also like to challenge any other male caregivers here on stoke net to add your 2 cents here. I know I am not the only male caregiver here. Oh yea you ladies can add your 2 cents worth too.

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hey oldman:

 

I didn't ask that question, but I have same issue with my hubby, he never shares his emotions though I don't consider him as my caregiver at this moment in our life. yes he was in the begining but not any more. but I get it now.

 

thanks,

Asha

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Mike: thank you for taking the time to blog. We all have so much to share and you are right in that the male caregivers here are rare. I don't think Bruce would interact with a Stroke Support group if our roles were reversed. Debbie

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I will confess I am not the smartest guy on the block and I don't have all the answers. But I will share what I do know as I can.

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Hey Mike, we have replaced smarts with experience here and you are more experienced than some caregiving for two/three people as you do.

 

Thanks for bringing this topic up in your blog, I think if people read it they will know that men, as problem solvers, providers and the mainstay of the family financially in some cases often haven't been taught to be emotional as women have.

 

That then carries over into areas of their lives (like the bedroom) where they would like to show emotion but maybe find it difficult, particularly as that is also a role change from provider and caregiver to lover. That is a leap that both sexes often can't make.

 

Not a male opinion, just a female with her 2 cents.

 

Sue.

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