• entries
    15
  • comments
    81
  • views
    6,982

Am I the only one here


oldman57

771 views

I don't intend to sound sexest, nor do I intend to offend any of you nice ladies. Please forgive me if I should come across that way this time around.

 

I have been surfing the web, just out of curiosity, on and off today looking for support sites for caregivers in general. Especially for a site for male caregivers. I know from reading that the role of caregiving is mostly dominated by females. Also the role of male caregivers is rising there still isn't really anything out there for us as males. What I would like to know is where are all the male caregivers at?

 

I know there is Bob and myself that show up on tues night for caregiver chat, but I cannot believe we are the only two male caregivers here on stroke net. I just feel in my gut there has to be more here. I know part of the problem is our male egos that keep us from looking for support of any kind. Like you my male ego kept me away from looking for answers for many years. About a month ago I found this site trying to find answers to help me to learn to cope with the everyday job of caregiving.

 

I want to say I have found a lot of help from some very nice and wonderful new friends here. Slowly with their help, I am learning to swallow my pride and ask questions and share my experiences. It would just be nice to get another males opinon with this caregiving gig.

 

Maybe just maybe we could swap Ideas about how to do those jobs our loved ones used to do around the house that have now become our jobs to do on top of taking care of our loved ones. For example tips to make the housework not seem so unmacho to get done. I know at times would love ideas on cooking a meal that doesn't come out of a box with directions for the microwave on it.

 

I would like any help I can get, weither you are a caregiver or survivor, to bring some more male caregivers out. Wether we like to admit it or not guys, with our macho egos, we need support to help us through this journey of caregiving.

 

 

Once more please forgive my spelling

 

6 Comments


Recommended Comments

Mike you are not alone here, from time to time I have had a few male caregivers in chat but unlike the girls who seem to make it their Tuesday night place to be the guys only stay a while and then do...whatever... to get support. I'm thinking they come on with a problem, we help them solve it, they go again.

 

Women chat...that is what we do...so we have girls nights, Facebook friends, old school friends, even former sister-in-laws we ring and chat to. We don't need to have our problems solved we work things out in a different way. We chat, listen, absorb, try out that solution, move on to the next, or that is the way I do it anyway. Then I sit back and wait for the next person to bring in a problem and we all work on that one.

 

I belong to groups that involve male caregivers, particularly my dementia support group. We have about 30/70 men to women. Women look after their parents, spouse, children, in-laws. friends, neighbours and anyone else that seems to come along and need care while men mainly look after parents and partners as you do.With women we are drawing on a larger proportion of the demographic and as I said above they are actively looking for someone to chat with. Maybe that is one of the differences between men and women.

 

One thing our dementia support mentor does is tell people not to stop coming when their care recipient dies. He calls those who have finished caring for someone "graduates" so if they want to they keep on coming. So a man walks into our group and sees other men there, men looking after a young onset partner, looking after Mum or Dad, looking after a brother-in-law in one case. If they are not there he sees a couple of older guys who have lost their partners but still come to the group. So a man walks in and sees other men and doesn't have to sit with womenfolk all around but next to another guy.

 

For this reason I asked John (john88) to stay on my chat when his wife died so a man coming into my Tuesday chat would see another guy there. He now has remarried so is there less frequently. I am hoping someone will choose to stay on and help me by being the "male chaperone" if you like, a male voice, a male perspective, a male opinion. And ultimately when someone like you comes in that wants a male perspective, there is one already there.

 

Sue.

Link to comment

Mike, sometimes I feel that way even though I am a female caregiver. It seems others are younger, have different issues, etc. Keep coming to chat and posting so we all can help each other.

 

Julie

Link to comment

No Sir, you are not the only one! You are not the first and certainly not the last. Hey it's a circle of circumstances that sweeps across the country and we have no control on who or where it travels! :unsure:

Link to comment

I am sure that there are other male caregivers here. In time some may open up like I have been doing. I know I have found some powerful friends here on stroke net and you all can count on me to stay awhile and keep putting my 2 cents in where ever and whenever needed. I figure you all are helping me the least I can do is to help you all and those to come as best I can.

Link to comment

Mike: I hesitated to respond only because I felt you were reaching out to male caregivers and stroke survivors.

 

It is difficult for Bruce to talk to me now. I know it is because he is used to taking care of everything and now can take care of very little. But we are working on that. I will tell you, however, with the roles reversed, he would never seek out a Stroke Support group. He would have hired the best caregivers he could find, would have gone back to work his 40+ hours a week, came home and dealt with the stuff here and then read until bedtime. It would have taken all of his energies just to get through the therapies and appointments required, the medication changes and follow up, figuring out the house logistics: ramps, equipment. In other words he would have been overwhelmed, as all of us are, but would have dealt with it in a Bruce manner. Bruce grew up depending only on himself and that would have continued had he been the caregiver. Just a thought, Debbie

Link to comment

Sorry you have to hear from yet another woman but...! I have to congratulate you on the job you are doing. Not only in caring for your wife but also trying to motivate other men to share and become involved. I thank you. One of the difficulties I deal with now that my husband is in a nursing home, is that he never has any male visitors. There a couple of male aids and the maintanance men stop and chat at time but there are NO men who visit him. The church sends visitors out ever 6 weeks or so but they are always women. That is nice but we truly do need more men involved. There is a larger male population at Dick's nursing home than average but the males a a small minority. I believe it is often because more women work to keep there spouses at home. So, for me it is very refreashing and encouraging to have learned about you and what you are doing.

Ruth

Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.