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Remember: Bullshit belongs on the begonias!



I copied this from Rachel, with only a few edits. I am sharing here because it is excellent advice!


A person who tsk-tsks the behavior, the decisions, the commitment of a caregiver, and/OR a person who sabotages, subverts and/or shrug-offs what caregivers do has a perception problem. This perception problem might be caused by any of the following issues:


#1. They are a person who has never been a caregiver


#2. They are a deluded, "perfect" caregiver who believes their way is the "perfect" way


#3. They are a person who gossips and criticizes because they don't have a life


#4. They are a nasty person who gets their jollies by putting down other people


#5. They are a person who, personally, doesn't like the caregiver (for whatever reason)


#6. They are a person who is so competitive that they never miss an opportunity to make another person feel dumb, wrong, or inferior.


#7. They are a person who always chooses easy, selfish, pop, instant gratification (I am talking about a person who knowingly pushes a cupcake on a diabetic, offers a drink to a recovering alcoholic etc...."just one won't hurt." If you feel up to it, I recommend that this type of person should be firmly reprimanded and told to cease their behavior immediately.)



Yes, it is always wise to be always open to suggestions and observations, but it is the sad, awful truth that mostly what caregivers get is useless, prejudiced, naive, often painful, insulting poopy advice from relatives, friends and the general public.


Remember: Bullshit belongs on the begonias!


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I guess I fit in there someplace...I always try to make people laugh, it helps me endure the painful life I'm living as a survivor much less what I can no longer do with one side paralyzed.


With those people you come in contact with that say things to hurt, just let it go in one ear and out the other! You hear and don't hear! You don't care


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I hear ya! We (I live with my 74 yr old father) just had a cousin visit from another state with our warning and I swear he put my patience to the test--I think I only got a D though. Ended up walking to the cafe up the street so I wouldn't lose my cool. Seems you care about everyone so what they think is important to you, but when you care more than they do they need to butt out.


You have a long row to hoe and you dont need anyone making it harder.

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I have a person in my life like that. Numbers 1, 3, 5 and 6 certainly apply. So I just smile sweetly, say "I'll go make coffee" and stay away from her for a while.



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I have a 5 who is also a self-centered airhead. Says things like "Oh, you need new furniture, this stuff has no support." My response was, "Sure you stay here and take care of Bruce while I go shop for furniture." People just don't or won't think. They do not want to take any responsibility and somehow by not recognizing the true issue, takes them off the hook. I know our issues here are complex. Nothing is just a simple fix. Everything intertwines. If you want to help and can't just not cope with the complexity of the issues, bring me a casserole, have a cup of coffee, visit a bit with Bruce and go. I am thankful for that meal I do not have to prepare, you were in and out in 15 minutes and can go on your merry way telling all how you helped your poor friend who had a stroke.


Rachel has a wonderful insight into people and I so do love her posts. My sister is going to print this out for me-I may send it with our holiday cards-lol. Debbie

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There is a rap artist named K'Naan who has an amazing song called "Take a minute" It starts with these words


And any man who knows a thing knows

He knows not a damn, damn thing at all

And every time I felt the hurt

And I felt the givin' gettin' me up off the wall


I'm just gonna take a minute and let it ride

I'm just gonna take a minute and let it breeze

I'm just gonna take a minute and let it ride

I'm just gonna take a minute and let it breeze



It's an excellent song. K'Naan is probably the best poet of his generation. And the advice here? I've been rolling it over and over in my head these days....


The song can be heard here:

It's beautiful. Certainly worth a listen.
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