At the beginning of the year, I attended a New Years service at church. The choir sang this gospel song called "Expect the Great". This song was very uplifting to me because it gave me faith that this would be the year of refreshing and God would do exceedingly and abundantly above what I asked for. It also reminded me of another gospel song called "The Best is Yet to Come." I am not a big fan of gospel music but reading the lyrics is very inspiring for me. I did the Daniel Fast and started PT/OT to show God I had faith that things would get better and I was trying. Unfortunately things didn't go the way I thought. After the botox wore off, therapy ended, and I got in the car accident I gave up. I felt like I tried and made 2 steps ahead to get pushed 3 steps back...

Usually I get very depressed this time of year. My stroke anniversary is on the 18th so not only is it a reminder that Im still not where I want to be but it's also a reminder that the calendar year is almost over and time is dwindling down for me to get the recovery I prayed for on December 31st (which I do every year). This year things are different though. I am trying to get back the same enthusiasm and faithfulness I had in January. Things have not been the best though...

I tried my own constraint-induced therapy an ended up in tears. I was just trying to use my hand but not only could I not reach, my fingers wouldnt open up, my wrist wouldnt straight and I got a spasm in the process. It made me feel like giving up but I've decided to just stick to stretching.

I started reading Stronger After Stroke again like I said I would and I have been exercising every day.

To fight against the depression by getting out of the house (and help my job search) I will be volunteering at an agency I used to work for.

Even my doctor's appointment went well. Instead of giving me 2 minutes to talk and shooting down every suggestion I make, my doctor actually sat and talked with me. I told him about the Ness H200 and he admitted that he never even heard of it before! Instead of just scheduling me for more botox he gave me information about the baclofen pump. and instead of reminding me that some areas of my brain are dead and aren't coming back, he actually encouraged me to keep working at my wrist, complimented my walking, and said my fingers looked great. It was like I had a new doctor

Perhaps the biggest step I've taken is buying another car. Driving is twice as scarier than it was before I had the accident but it is teaching me to be twice as careful. I prayed for faithfulness and I know that fear is from the devil so I am just believing God will protect me in my new car. Thankfully I got no points on my insurance for the accident and a lawyer only charged me $75 to get the ticket off my record so I pray the DMV medical review board won't take my license away.

I will be meeting with the lady to try to Ness H200 just 2 days before my 10 year stroke anniversary so I am exercising as much as I can until then.