I really dont understand why everything has to be so difficult. My insurance said my accident was my fault and since I got hit from the left I could not see what happened and couldn't explain to them how I was hit. Im still thankful I didn't get a ticket because hopefully it won't show up on my record while the med review board is reviewing my driving privileges. BUT, now I have no car. After wasting nearly 10 grand between 2 cars and inexperienced driver car insurance premiums, I have no money to get my car fixed or put a down payment on another. I like knowing I have a drivers license but I don't want to drive again. I miss the freedom. I hate having to depend on my dad to take me everywhere. I hate not being able to see friends and go wherever I want anytime I want. But that's the way the cookie crumbles I guess.

I decided to move to the Charlotte metro area instead of Atlanta metro. I want to go back to school and need to stay in NC so I can get in-state tuition. It is just very frustrating. My vocational rehabilitation counselor is so rude and lazy. I have probably talked to her 3 times this entire year and have called her more times than I can count. I went to Charlotte yesterday to register for classes and stopped by the Voc Rehab office there but they cannot help me until I transfer my case from here. Well my counselor won't transfer my case until I move there and can give her an address. This makes no sense at all. I am asking them to help me move but first I have to live there. I am asking them to help me go back to school but first I have to prove that I can't get a job with the degree I have and I am asking them to help me move there to get a job but I have to show that I have a job offer already. It is so backwards.

I just feel like no matter how hard I try I am going to be stuck in my room for the rest of my life. I hate being here. I get nowhere. I can't live here. I just want to go away, follow my dreams. What was the point in me working hard every summer of college and making straight As every semester if the system was designed for people with disabilities to just sit at home collecting assistance or give us some mediocre minimum wage jobs. I try to go that extra mile and make a living for myself but I can't get help.

Sorry for rambling. I guess I just needed to vent. Well I do have good news. I tried e-stim for the first time since trying the bioness. It was so painful because my muscles are so tight and I havent had botox in a year an a half but it was so worth it. The occupational therapist said she definitely thinks the bioness will work for me because my fingers really responded. She got my wrist, pinky, and thumb completely straight. It hurted but felt so good at the same time. Now Im just keeping my fingers crossed that somebody will help me get bioness. I dont understand why all this stuff is out here if people that need it cant afford it and people thats supposed to help you make it extremely difficult.