Cat, a similar story during my recovery. In my quest to find something that might help, I came across a therapy called active release. The nearest provider was in nearby Canada, and since insurance would not cover it anyway, off I went. The results were great so I told another stroke survivor I had met online about it. His stroke was about four years prior to mine and he had given up hope of getting better. After learning of my improvement due to active release, he investigated it and discovered it was originated in the city he lives in! He started going to a local provider and sent me the most wonderful thank you letter. He now drives their motorhome again, and he and his wife are traveling the country, something he never thought could happen again. I guess the moral of the story is that if you never try anything, you will never get anywhere. If you try things, something might just help. It's like I tell people, if you don't have a line in the water you will never catch a fish. Have a line in the water and you just might.

Cat: he has reached "acceptance." Had to get there and is now figuring out where to go from here. No, you can't do it for him - trust me. I live with the King of channel-surfing.

However, those things you can be sure of. His medications: everything accounted for, underlying diagnoses for everything, an antidepressant at a therapeutic level. Pain, spasticity under control. Nutrition: lots of fruits and veggies, some Wheat Germ and Flax for Folic Acid and Omega 3's. Pain and bowels under control. Sleep - plenty of down time and I mean sleep, not laying in bed, channel surfing. Obviously appointments, follow ups.

Involvement in the day to day management of the home. Bruce does dishes, folds laundry. He chose not to work out, fine; but you do live here and this house does not maintain itself. Bruce just is too comfortable with the caregivers and had to understand that they are here to help him, not to "tend" to him. In the early years the caregivers were here to help Bruce exercise, work on his speech. That was a given. As time went on, it became obvious that Bruce was no longer working with them. That made letting Leo go even easier. Bruce worked best with him in the last months - both with speech and PT. Then Bruce refused.

So we try to move forward. Today was a perfect example. Last night we discussed what had to be done today, from a household standpoint and what Bruce was responsible for: tending his flower boxes and shower-shave for Dentist in the morning.

Errands OK and he did work diligently on the grocery list and his coupons. Farm Market and budget was limited this week. I set up the ramp to the deck, got his hat, scissors (he likes to have them, doesn't use them) for 6 minutes on the deck to move one flower box. OK, but it was his request. He has no concern of what it takes for me to accomodate him, and that is OK - he is thinking. Friend stopped in at dinner time and then, all of a sudden, too tired to shower and shave.

No way mister. You chose to put this off all day. You will not go to the Dentist without a shower and shave and personally, you are not going to put me under pressure to fit this in tomorrow morning. The one thing I do know is if I vary his morning schedule, he will be incontinent all day. You know you function best in the morning. Getting out and about for the "fun" stuff is all on me. But you know what, those days are coming to an end. You want to stay home alone, you will take care of your responsibilities.

Cat, there is nothing wrong with making them understand that you can not "fix" everything. Some things they must do for themselves. And no one has taken longer to discover this than me. He will get bored with the TV - trust me. I see it now with Bruce. His feet dance. With me, he will wear his AFO all day, he will toilet on a schedule, he will brush his teeth as the dentist wants. Those things are now a given. He doesn't even question. He may try to get out of it, but really knows the answer. After that, it is really on him. I trust Bruce. He is smart and sharp. He knows, just has to get his head around it. Go easy. Debbie

Bob does take the antidepressant 20 mg of citalopram. It is one of those anti serratonin take up drugs that is supposed to be good for stroke patients brains. Is he taking anything for depression, they really need it, and the side affects mentioned above make it good for them, in particular.

How's his vision.. in? out? coming and going?

Thanks for all the tips.

What is active release George? I have never herd of it and how do I find out about it?

Ethyl, I have tried to get him on a schedule but he is and always has been one to do things in his own time and noone elses except when he was working! I can't seem to get him interested in doing anything that requires getting dressed and leaving the house. He can't drive so I can't send him on errands by himself therefore when errands need to be done he feels like he is more of a burden by going with me so he stays home while I do all the running by myself. He wanted to start feeding the dog so I wouldn't have to do it but the first time he did it he almost turned his powerchair over so now even though he does get the food and take it to her I still have to go with him. Doesn't do much to relieve me of that duty but I tell him that at least it gets him outside and Sophie won't forget who he is. At least he is trying to do something!

Sandy, the doctor took him off antidepressant at Mikes request. I told him the other night that he may need to start taking them again and he refuses. If he drank all his coffee in the morning I would seriously think about adding it so that he did not know he was taking it! LOL. He insists that he is not depressed just wants this thing to be over with! I told him it will never be "over" just better. His vision came back and has stayed so far so let's keep our fingers crossed that at least we have jumped that hurdle for the last time!

Well guess I have rambled enough for now. Have a good week all. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Cat

Cat, I had just begun to ween Bob off his anti-depressants, as I didn't think he needed them either. But then I read a bunch of articles that shows that a certain type of them help recover brain function for stroke victims. I realized I was screwing his chances of a better recovery if he went off them. This is very important, first make sure it is an anti-depressant that is an serotonin reuptake inhibitor med, or it's not going to work. The one I'm seeing in articles is Lexapro, or escitalopram(generic, available at Walmart still about $100) But Bob is taking citalopram which is the same kind of drug and is $4 at Walmart. The pharmacist said the reason why one drug is emphasized over others of the same type is because it is the one they used in the test. The benefits for stroke patients are not unlike the benefits neuro-aid talks of.

http://www.reuters.c...121280620100201

ps - the naps are not bad, stroke people need their naps for their brains to recover.

Cat, this sounds soooo familiar. I was doing the same exercises every day from Jan to May and realized they weren't helping me achieve any more recovery so I stopped and gave up on any more recovery and went into a deep depression. My husband begged and pleaded and was in tears several times, trying to get me to do the exercising (and he NEVER cries) all to no avail. The only thing that helped me was starting on an antidepressant and getting my motivation back to want to achieve more recovery. I still get mad and frustrated that I have to work SO HARD to try to get back what I used to have but I know if I DON'T try, it will certainly never happen.

It is something that HE has to want and HE has to do and all you can do is try to convince him that he is working not only for his future but also for your future as a couple too. I know it is hard on you and I hope you can get thru to him. I also think you should try to convince him to go back on the meds, or at least try a different kind since there are SO many different ones. Hang in there!!

Dena

I read all these stories with sorrow. I feel for those that have seemingly given up, or never really start on the long road of recovery. But I do not judge them in anyway. I have not walked in their shoes, only my own. I do not know the internal demons they face, only my own. One thing I do sincerely think is that having been basically happy with my life pre stroke and having a lifestyle I really love helped. It gave me something to work for that really motivated me. I told Lesley when I had my stroke that if I was a couch potato the stroke would not have affected me since I could still channel surf. But loving the active outdoor life and wanting to return to it is what drove me. I also play with and collect Erector sets (mechanical construction toys from the 1950's). Wanting to get back to that hobby also drove me. I remember starting with Lincoln Logs, then graduating to Tinker Toys, and now back to my beloved Erector Sets. After my stroke Lesley suggested we move to a city somewhere so I could be near more treatment. I knew that would be a fatal mistake. Being around the life I love was my intense motivation to get better. I would suggest maybe trying to think of something the stroke survivor used to love and see if that can be used as a motivator. Again I in no way am judging anyone, only offering suggestions based upon my own experiences.

Thanks Sandy for the advise you gave on the anti-depressents, using the fact that they also help with recovery of brain functions I have gotten him to agree to go back on them. He was taking celexa so now I just gotta get them back in his system. He soooooo hates taking pills! But I told him that he needs to take whatever he can to help with his recovery and he has agreed. So once again thank you!

Dena, you know a little more about the situation we have so you can understand why he wanted off the anti depressents. He just wants to have more energy and feels like these drugs are taking away more than they are helping. I have told him he has to stay on them for now and as time progresses things will get better and he can go off some of them. Why does a stroke have to have so many long lasting affects on a person?!!!!!! How many other medical conditions out there does this to a person? Not many! Sorry I am venting again!

George, he loves to play the guitar and ride his Harley "Babe". Today we actually took him out to the trailer we have it in and let him sit on it. He was telling me the other night that he thought he would be able to use his bad hand to pull the clutch in. I know it may sound mean of me but I wanted him to see just how far he was from being able to ride again. When he couldn't pull the clutch in he began to cry, I felt so bad but I also told him that he needs to remember that 2 months ago he could not even walk up into the trailer to stand beside her. Now he is sitting on her! With some more therapy and a lot of hard work on his part he will be able to ride again in the future! I honestly and truely believe this with all my heart. That I think gave him some motivation. At least he stayed up the rest of the day, went grocery shopping with me and then came home grilled steaks and walked out to the dog pen and fed sophie a bone from the steak! We got up at 5:30am and he has just went to bed @ 6:15pm!!!! That is the longest he has stayed awake since before his stroke! I was so proud of him!

I know this has been a long response, Sorry guys but again thanks for all your help! God Bless you all and have a wonderful evening! Ill catch you later!

Cat

Cat, this response will be short, because it's late and I'm in bed. I have the same problems with motivation and being tired all the time. I'm 15 mos post stroke. I am on Celexa anti-depressant, and my doctor put me on 20 mg of Ritalin as well. This not only boosts my anti depressants, but it also gives me energy. Thought you may look into that with his doctor.

@Beth- Celexa and Ritalin may be of use for Mom. I find that she is depressed at the nursing home much of the time 7 weeks post stroke. Need to figure out how to improve her psychologically after this brutal experience.

Cat if he has made as much progress in two months as you describe, some work with the saeboflex and he will be using his hand again. I was told in rehab that I might not carry my canoe again. Six months later I carried it. The first time it snowed here after my stroke I had to have the wife operate one side of the snowblower, since I could only operate one side. What a sight we made walking down our 1000 ft driveway together behind the snowblower. By the end of that first winter I was blowing the driveway by myself again. He is showing enough improvement already to make good progress soon, just get on with it!!

Cat, Sorry I missed your question about what active release is. Do a google search for a provider in your area. It is a physical therapy on steroids as I call it. It made my arm stop curling up against my chest. I now have about 95% arm movement back to prestroke. The treatment hurts, caused bruising and pain, but the results were immediately worth it. I pushed my provider to get on with it and not be easy on me. I promised him I wasn't going to sue the socks off him if he hurt me for a moment. He did hurt me for a few minutes, I never sued him because of the pain, I did go back for a total of 10 treatments which cost me about $50 each time. Insurance did not cover it. Between active release and the saeboflex my arm and hand came back rapidly. I did both during the same time period. I was possessed to get better so I could carry my canoe again. You can see the results on my gizmo, gadget guy blog.

You know... I don't think she uses that particular program because she's never used the name, but one of Bob's new therapist really puts the hurt on him with massage and stretching of his arm(mostly) and leg. It is amazing how much looser his arm has gotten in only a week. His hand is staying much looser also. But yes, it was very painful and left bruising on him for a week! At first he wasn't sure if he liked her work, but a week and half later he is saying she is the best one!

Sandy, yes it can hurt a bit but it is a "good" hurt. You can feel the muscle uncoiling and know that it is helping. I found the key was for me to then keep forcing myself to do the motions required to not lose what had been gained. Sometimes the wife had to help with certain motions and a bit of encouragement. The more you do the less spasisity there is.