the new condo means i can walk with him instead of with him but behind him... this will really help his back and hip and mine as well...

Nancy, I think the thing you will enjoy leaving behind the most is how hard it was to work together there. We bought our flat home because I told Bob we needed to get out of the 2 story before something happened to one of us, and it only took 1.5 years for that to come true. It's odd... after we bought the house, my brain kept asking, "I wonder how long we will be happy here before something happens?" But then, I've always had this little voice that knew everything.

The ranch you describe is the reason we could never find one we liked. They all had the exact same floor plan. That is what really appealed to us here. Speaking of the long hallway with the 3 bedrooms & bath off of it... we never used them as bedrooms, but Bob had one for 'his' room, and I had the old master for my doll room (eventually an extra bed, which we planned to use if one of us got sick) and the smallest one for my craft room. As you know the terror of the long skinny hallway, making a sharp turn into any of the rooms with a wheelchair is just way too much work and all that frustraion from keeping hitting door jams would totally ruin the day, if nothing else happened. We rarely go down the hallway now.

The previous owners built a casual dining room off the TV room and a large master bedroom off the dining room. There is a screened in porch off the dining room, too. Also a bathroom off the TV room that attaches to the new master bedroom. The original small dining room is now a study. The rooms are all attached by double door ways - although we never got over the 'move in' stage, and therefore have a lot of boxes piled in various places, closing them off to full access. No matter really, he can't use the study anymore because he can't read with his vision loss. 1000s of books, he planned to read when he retired one day....

The day before he had his stroke I was geared up to finally put everything right here, and get the other house on the market. I took all my lotions, bath gels, perfumes and unpacked them into the closet in the bathroom. Put out my basket with soaps and wonderful things, close to the tub - made it mine, and so pretty. Now it is filled with tub slide over bench, handicapt toilet, depends, guards that we put in the depends, wipes, etc. But, this bath is the one we can get to so easy from the TV room.

Anyway, we live in the main area, as if the hallway & rooms off it don't exist. I've often thought it was like the condos we used on vacation. The only room here that is a tight squeeze for him is getting in to the kitchen. That is because when this house was built, 1961, there were no large refridgerators, so even a small one by today's standard, make the entry door into the ktichen a little tight. His wheelchair CAN get in there, and sometimes we do it, but with the dining room so handy off the TV room, there's no need unless one just wants to do something different. Also, since he can't do one thing for himself, like even get a glass of water, he really had no reason to go into the kitchen, unless I just do it for a change of scenery.

It was hard for me to leave the home I loved, because we were only like 20 years old when we moved in there almost 40 years ago. We had our son there, who now lives in another state. Every where I looked there, I 'saw' him playing or doing something, here there is none of that, and I'm sure my memories will fade. I have many pets buried there, never thought I'd really leave there. Thought I'd die there, like I lived there, but this house has made our life so much more bearable than it would have been, and it will yours too, Nancy. Stay the course and rejoice in a well thought out and executed plan!

thanks sandy for your empathy......nancyl

Well Nancy I certainly hope some how, some way you can make it all work out and I think by changing the scenery out back Dan may want to sit on the patio!! Maybe planting a tree or making a waterfall or anything to fade out the memories he has would probably help!! I know how it is with memories and they are not good ones!!

If there are no cats, a birdfeeder (read squirrel feeder) would be something fun to watch and look forward to. I have one in the garage, but our evil cat will NOT behave inside and we had to put him out (where he wanted to be), so feeding the birds would be feeding the cat, if you know what I mean! One day, I hope to use it, if the cat doesn't outlive us!

I don't know if this is due to his stroke or just memories of his past with the wife that died several years ago but Mike has been talking about selling the house and buying another one that we can make "our own", his words. He has lived here for over 30 years and his children grew up here for the most part. It is an old farmhouse, 2br, 1 1/2 bath. The 1/2 bath is never used as it is off the master bedroom, which we also do not use. I love it and I have no problem with living here. Never thought he would want to move. We sleep in the smaller bedroom as the bigger one is where his wife passed away and he will not sleep in it, hasn't since she died. I have asked him if I remodeled it would he move back into it with me as we really need the space with his wc and all the stuff he needs now but he says no the little room is big enough we just need a smaller bed! I don't mind moving but he doesn't understand that he has 30yrs worth of stuff he has collected and it would take me a year to go through it all and move it as he is not able to! I think it would be a great start for he and I but it would also be a huge undertaking on my part. Maybe it would do us good to start our new lives in a new place with no bad memories. I will have to ponder this a little more. What do you guys think?

Nancy i commend you for taking control of your situation and putting you and Dan in a more suitable place. He will realise that soon and will tahnk you for it I am sure. Wish I were close enough to help you move. Don't look back! There is nothing you can do about the past and the future is what we choose to make of it! Make yours and Dans as easy and carefree as possible!

Cat

oh god the stuff --- we have got it all --- 20 years here brought 10 with us..had four kids .... need a willys jeep we got it... need a ford truck we got it, a nissan ,a fiesta, a belair, a galaxy, a bobcat, lots of unused 2X4X20 wood ... fences, gates, old tires , a garage full of tools and all that stuff if it just disappeared would be fine by me... i'll have to wait out for a classic car auction -- dan had most the vehicles in decent shape not dented up and all the glass... my nephew has even built a shooting range... and all that i have mentioned are not the regular cars or anything from the house... oh a pool table and foos ball table -- some of the stuff is gonna be a you move it you can have it ....luckily we did do a pretty major clean up about 4 yrs ago so there is a lot less to deal with than there would have otherwise have been..dan was a packrat to a point i am a thrower so we kept it at a normal level of accumulation but still 30 yrs will bring stuff into your lives..... man does my back hurt i moved a matteress and a china cabinet and 2 storage cabinets to town and lots and lots of totes of stuff.... dumped the totes and turned around and brought more and more... and have the car loaded and ready to go for tomorrow morning... at the condo i am sorting and already have a rummage table set up --- gonna need more tables lots more tables-- hahah

ok cat move now--- or get rid of a bunch of stuff... the fact we cleaned a lot of stuff up 4 yrs ago is huge -- makes this doable .... but procrastanating now wont help--- you already know there is a health issue in the mix...acting now is the only proactive thing you can do....and later mike might not be as willing... and mike looks like a big dude... so trying making him- move - not--- dan at the very most is weighing 145 lbs only has like 10 lbs on me ( but i'm catching him with all the depression eating i am doing) .... thats just my opinion cat.........nancyl